Affair Recovery: The Truth About Affairs -- Debunking Common Myths
- Date: 2007-03-29 - Word Count: 814
Share This!
Affair Recovery: The Truth About Affairs -- Debunking Common Myths
Being hit with the news that an affair is usually devastating and often turns the betrayed spouse's world upside down. In a maelstrom of intense emotions, often people have difficulty thinking clearly and are at a loss as to how to begin to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together. Healing both yourself and your marriage (if you choose) are possible after an affair. However, myths about affairs abound and they often create more distress when going through this already difficult process. Here are the top 10 myths I have encountered about affairs. I have seen this kind of misinformation add pain and confusion where there was already plenty.
If the experience of an affair has, in some way, touched your life, I hope you will read on and clarify any misconceptions that have caused you or someone you love more hurt.
Myth #1
It is better to not talk about the affair Talking about it only makes you more upset, making it harder to get over it and move on with your life.
The Truth: Research shows that openly talking about the affair (with your spouse) is one of the most important factors in improving the relationship and aiding with healing. If you have a gangrenous wound you do not just wrap it up and act as everything is fine. You need to unwrap it and treat it.
Myth #2
It is better to not talk about the affair. Any additional information will just make it harder to forget it and get on with your life.
The Truth: Finding out your partner has had an affair is devastating and traumatic. You often feel as you do not know what is real anymore. The betrayed partner may begin to question everything that previously felt certain in life. The truth is, information about the affair helps the hurt partner reassemble the pieces to the puzzle that is their life. This is the first step in healing.
Myth #3
People have affairs because of sexual attraction.
Truth:
The pull of an affair has much more to do with feeling cherished and adored by a new love.
Often they only see the positive aspects of a person and miss the flaws that the spouse recognizes.
Myth #4
Most affairs end in divorce.
The Truth: More than half of marriages affected by an affair remain in tact. Some couples even report that their relationship is more intimate, honest and meaningful after the affair. Such couples take important steps toward healing the relationship.
Myth #5
Affairs happen because marriages are unhappy.
Affairs can and do happen in good marriages. They are usually more about sliding across boundaries than they are about love, especially when the affair started out as a friendship that grew in intensity.
Myth #6
You should just forget the affair and get on with your marriage.
The Truth: This is a harmful attitude not only because it is next too impossible, but also because betrayed partners end up feeling additional pain and guilt for not "handling it right."
Myth #7
Affairs are usually just sexual in nature.
The Truth:
That was the most likely scenario in affairs of past decades. However, since the majority of modern day affairs tend to begin as work friendships which over time develop increasingly emotional intimacy, most affairs have an emotional component to them.
Myth: 8
Emotional Affairs (affairs where there has been no actual sexual involvement) are not really affairs.
The Truth:
Emotional affairs seem to create as much pain as affairs that have become sexual. This is true particularly if the betrayed spouse is a woman. Women experience more pain if their husband has had an affair that has involved emotional sharing than if it is just for sex. Men, on the other hand, tend to experience more pain if their wives have sexual affairs.
Myth #9
People have affairs because they are not getting enough sex in their marriage.
Truth:
It is usually the person who has the affair who is giving the least in the marriage. The spouse may actually be quite giving. The person who is least invested in the relationship is the one most at risk to stray.
Myth #10
The person who has an affair has no morals.
The Truth: More than 80% of marital partners who had an affair reported that they considered affairs wrong, and would never be the kind of person who would have an affair. They reported that they found themselves caught up in an emotional situation over which they then lost control. These days the beginnings of affairs may have more to do with sliding across boundaries than a calculated plan to deceive.
The statistics show that affairs effect over 30% of marriages. If you or someone you love has been impacted by the news of an affair I sincerely hope that the information here about false assumptions and the truth about affairs can help you or them begin on a road to less pain and healing.
Being hit with the news that an affair is usually devastating and often turns the betrayed spouse's world upside down. In a maelstrom of intense emotions, often people have difficulty thinking clearly and are at a loss as to how to begin to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together. Healing both yourself and your marriage (if you choose) are possible after an affair. However, myths about affairs abound and they often create more distress when going through this already difficult process. Here are the top 10 myths I have encountered about affairs. I have seen this kind of misinformation add pain and confusion where there was already plenty.
If the experience of an affair has, in some way, touched your life, I hope you will read on and clarify any misconceptions that have caused you or someone you love more hurt.
Myth #1
It is better to not talk about the affair Talking about it only makes you more upset, making it harder to get over it and move on with your life.
The Truth: Research shows that openly talking about the affair (with your spouse) is one of the most important factors in improving the relationship and aiding with healing. If you have a gangrenous wound you do not just wrap it up and act as everything is fine. You need to unwrap it and treat it.
Myth #2
It is better to not talk about the affair. Any additional information will just make it harder to forget it and get on with your life.
The Truth: Finding out your partner has had an affair is devastating and traumatic. You often feel as you do not know what is real anymore. The betrayed partner may begin to question everything that previously felt certain in life. The truth is, information about the affair helps the hurt partner reassemble the pieces to the puzzle that is their life. This is the first step in healing.
Myth #3
People have affairs because of sexual attraction.
Truth:
The pull of an affair has much more to do with feeling cherished and adored by a new love.
Often they only see the positive aspects of a person and miss the flaws that the spouse recognizes.
Myth #4
Most affairs end in divorce.
The Truth: More than half of marriages affected by an affair remain in tact. Some couples even report that their relationship is more intimate, honest and meaningful after the affair. Such couples take important steps toward healing the relationship.
Myth #5
Affairs happen because marriages are unhappy.
Affairs can and do happen in good marriages. They are usually more about sliding across boundaries than they are about love, especially when the affair started out as a friendship that grew in intensity.
Myth #6
You should just forget the affair and get on with your marriage.
The Truth: This is a harmful attitude not only because it is next too impossible, but also because betrayed partners end up feeling additional pain and guilt for not "handling it right."
Myth #7
Affairs are usually just sexual in nature.
The Truth:
That was the most likely scenario in affairs of past decades. However, since the majority of modern day affairs tend to begin as work friendships which over time develop increasingly emotional intimacy, most affairs have an emotional component to them.
Myth: 8
Emotional Affairs (affairs where there has been no actual sexual involvement) are not really affairs.
The Truth:
Emotional affairs seem to create as much pain as affairs that have become sexual. This is true particularly if the betrayed spouse is a woman. Women experience more pain if their husband has had an affair that has involved emotional sharing than if it is just for sex. Men, on the other hand, tend to experience more pain if their wives have sexual affairs.
Myth #9
People have affairs because they are not getting enough sex in their marriage.
Truth:
It is usually the person who has the affair who is giving the least in the marriage. The spouse may actually be quite giving. The person who is least invested in the relationship is the one most at risk to stray.
Myth #10
The person who has an affair has no morals.
The Truth: More than 80% of marital partners who had an affair reported that they considered affairs wrong, and would never be the kind of person who would have an affair. They reported that they found themselves caught up in an emotional situation over which they then lost control. These days the beginnings of affairs may have more to do with sliding across boundaries than a calculated plan to deceive.
The statistics show that affairs effect over 30% of marriages. If you or someone you love has been impacted by the news of an affair I sincerely hope that the information here about false assumptions and the truth about affairs can help you or them begin on a road to less pain and healing.
Related Tags: relationships, marriage, healing, myths, trust, affair, betrayal, affair recovery
Your Article Search Directory : Find in Articles
Recent articles in this category:
- Bridal Shower Favors: Small Memorabilia for the Party Guests
Most bridal shower hostess consider giving bridal shower favors. Giving out these little tokens have - Simple Ideas to Prepare for the Baby Shower Favors
It is a good gesture to give thanks to the people who came into your baby shower. Aside from sending - Russian Women and the Way to Meet Them
You are just chatting and dating with a number of women only to while away your time. But would you - How Can I Make My Ex Boyfriend Love Me Again - Expert Tips to Win Back the Love of Your Life
If you are asking how can I make my ex boyfriend love me again, you might be asking the wrong questi - Get Him Back by Using Male Psychology - It's Easy When You Know How to Push Your Ex's Hot Buttons
The reason so many women have a hard time getting their boyfriend back after a breakup is not becaus - Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back - The Conditions You Need to Create to Make Her Want You Again
When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it might seem to you that she is gone for good, but usually - The Best Way to Get Him Back When He Needs a Break - Expert Tips to Bring Your Ex Back Fast
If you love your man, you never want to be without him. That is why it is so devastating when he say - Priorities of Russian Women
The world has gone under a dramatic change regarding the equality of men and women starting from the - The Best Way to Contact Your Ex Boyfriend After a Breakup - How to Get Back in His Life
When your boyfriend ends your relationship, all you can think of is getting him back as fast as poss - If You Are Still in Love With Your Ex Boyfriend - Super Effective Tips to Get Him Back in Your Life
When your boyfriend breaks up with you and you still love him, it can be pretty confusing. For one t
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Violence In Intimate Relationships
Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other - Resolving Conflicts in Relationships
Differences in relationships are inevitable. The coming together of two people with different needs, - Men, Pay Attention!!!
It's true. You don't want to imagine it but it's going on right under your unsuspecting nose. If you - 5 Dazzling Ways to Make Any Woman Fall In Love With You
""I don't get it!...""I've a nice car. I'm accomplished. My A-List CV make the n - Some Smart 50th Wedding Anniversary Gifts
Have you been together with your spouse for fifty years? If you have, then you are blessed beca - The Ultimate Bridal Challenge: Making Your Wedding Invitations Unique
Let's say you're a break-the-mold kind of bride. Perhaps you're marrying later than your conte - To Date or not to Date: Understanding cultural influences on dating and human relations
Summary: In attempts to better understand dating rituals, and, in turn, better support my best frien - Relationship Advice For Today's People!
Relationship Advice If you are single, dating, or trying to get to "I DO" and spend too much time h - Easy Gift Shopping For Guys
Whether it's Christmas, Valentine's Day, a birthday or another special occasion, it can be a challen - How My Obsession With A Young Woman Improved My Vocabulary
Never before in my life had I experienced anything so emotionally disturbing. I couldn't sleep. I'd