Being in the business I'm in, and being a man, I'm often asked by guys how to get women to have sex with them. Ironically enough, my answer typically involves some iteration of, "Well, genius, stop trying so hard to get them to have sex with you."

But as many of us have already encountered time and again in life, one of the most oft-repeated blunders in the business world is "If something isn't working, do twice as much of it."

Such a ham fisted redoubling of efforts tends to turn up from time to time in the dating world also, doesn't it? Particularly, it seems, when guys aren't getting women to agree to all of the sex they want as often as they hoped.

Yeah, well. "Hope" is not a strategy.

Sure, male or female, we are all sexual creatures. But there is SO MUCH more depth to us all. Perhaps ironically, that's exactly the key to being more sexually fulfilled. And therein lies today's point. Make sure you are ready for this one, too�it's something you've never heard before (which I major in, if you're just getting acquainted with this newsletter). Here it is:

***Men who prioritize raw sexual fulfillment over actually building a relationship with a woman are almost universally the LEAST sexually fulfilled people I know of.***

Is this attributable to the old theory that "the more you chase something the more elusive it becomes"? Maybe in part, but there's much more to it.

Okay, then. Is it because most women are wise to such motives and don't give in? Unfortunately, that's not it either. There seems to be equal numbers of women these days who are okay with casual sex.

Well, what IS IT already?

The answer lies in the very telling likelihood that the guy who views women as walking life support systems for their vaginas is the VERY SAME ONE who constantly kvetches about how all [women] are "dead lays" with absolutely zero sexual skill, drive or creativity.

Bad sex = Low fulfillment

I submit that maybe the problem isn't the women. Come on now, you can't really believe that all women are passive, asexual and/or even frigid, can you? Well, maybe if that helps you sleep at night.

But really, why should a woman's full sexual potential be squandered on a guy who, when it comes down to it, is USING her?

Make no mistake. It won't be. Show me a guy who has a healthy respect for women, and furthermore actually ENJOYS women�and I'll show you a guy who's partner is so fired up in the bedroom (and the kitchen, and the closet, and the shower�) that the smoke detectors are disconnected.

Most women know all too well that one man's "dead lay" is another man's "Siren/Vixen" ("S/V"). And "I/J"s don't experience "S/V"s so much.

Go and try to figure THAT out. And when you do, deserve what you want.


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Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.relationship-advice.us/. Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.