Dear Elaine,

What can I do to get my parents to like my fiancé? I just got engaged over the holidays and I flying high on cloud nine. I just can't shake the feeling that my parents don't really like him. I'm in the beginning stages of planning our wedding but thing just don't seem quite right with my side of the family. My mom has made a few comments in the past but I didn't really take her serious. I can't imagine what would be bothering her. My fiancé is a great guy, well mannered, treats me wonderfully and we share the same dreams thoughts and ideas. I just want them to be as happy as I am.

Hello Friend

Congratulations on your engagement! First and foremost prepare yourself to listen, listen, listen. Meaning above all tell yourself that you are going to actually listen to what your parents have to say. Set a time to get together with them and ask if there is any concern towards your groom and if so ask them to tell you what their concerns are. Then LISTEN to their response. Don't take this opportunity to respond but set up another time to meet again. Next, change your perspective by putting yourself in their shoes. Take some time out and really evaluate whether they have fair concerns or not. But most importantly you must be honest with yourself as you ponder these things. If you determine their concerns are valid then address those matters as needed. If not then move forward as planned and just roll along with it (believe me when it comes to marriage and family this will not be your first time). Be sure you get back together with your family, shower them with your love, and let them know you've thought things over. Share your heart and move on in whichever direction you've decided. Just remember that LOVE covers all so Love your parents and then love them some more. I'm sure they are really most concerned with your well-being, most parents are. Remember, this is a big transition for them too.


Hello Elaine,

Do I have to ask my girlfriend's dad for her hand in marriage? Her family is very traditional and she's told me the stories of how each of her two older sister's husbands went about it. But my girlfriend is the baby girl and she's a lot less traditional than her sisters so I don't think it is as big of a deal to her. Plus, I really want to surprise my girlfriend and I think if I ask her dad in advance that might spoil the surprise.


Dear Friend,

Good for you taking the most important step in your relationship and decide to make your girlfriend your wife! Regardless of the fact that your girlfriend is less traditional than her sisters, you still must respect the tradition of her family. No need in getting off on the wrong foot with her father. Especially since this is his baby girl! You'll want no second-guessing about whether you're the right groom or not! Plus most importantly, you say your girlfriend told you of how it all went down with her sisters which could very well mean she was letting you know (in a round-about-way) that you must do the same. Welcome to "Wife Communication 101"! Nevertheless, at daughter number three her dad is probably a pro at keeping things secret until you pop the big question. So contact dad, meet with him discreetly, and follow suit with her family tradition. You'll be better of for it!


Nicknamed "The Etiquette Lady" Elaine Swann is an etiquette expert, syndicated columnist and author of "Girls Have Style...at School!" an etiquette book for teen girls. Elaine also shares etiquette tips and advise on her weekly radio program "The Elaine Show" on am1000 KCEO in San Diego. For free etiquette tips please visit her website ElaineSwann.com This content is provided by Elaine Swann, it may be used only in its entirety with all links included.