Lots of guys will do all kinds of things to try and have more success with women but it usually backfires or doesn't actually help them.

Some guys will brag about their job accomplishments, status, material possessions, car, etc. But what does this do? More importantly, what kind of relationship is that and who really has the power here?

If a guy has to brag to a woman he is trying to determine more value to win her over. In this case, the relationship is one in which she has the power; she is the stimulus and he's trying to 'get some' of that through any means necessary.

The simply true relationship is clear to the woman. Today's women are very sensitive to the relational power dynamic that exists.

Ironically the way that works is the opposite of what society has taught you. The way to her heart is not to shower her with gifts and expensive meals. That is the path of courtship and with today's independent women, they'd rather not put up with all of that social pressure.

It's up to you to lead as a man and doing the traditional things when you just want some 'action' isn't going to work. If you 'court' her and try to show off your value, you might be a good long-term prospect but is that the type of relationship you REALLY want with her?

Courtship is an aging social function. When you take a woman on traditional dates, she has the power and can say 'yes' or 'no'. She will withhold sex to keep you around. Now, they would rather you just be upfront and honest about what you want because when you go out with them like this, you are bringing so many social powers and expectations into the game that neither of you can really be yourself.

You sit across the expensive dinner table from her knowing you're not going to get anything but maybe a peck on the cheek if you're lucky. You're the guy who follows the social norms which are this great big dinosaur.

How ironic is this? Look at Sex and the City and today's independent women yet men approach women who they just met as if they want to marry them when they really want to just sleep with them. Stop doing what doesn't work and change your approach.

Because even if you do eventually want to marry, it's best to let a woman get to know you for who you really are instead of playing a social courtship game with marriage expectations when you hardly know each other yet.

When you take a woman to an expensive restaurant and you give her flowers when you pick her up, you're bringing a greater social context into play.

That focus is so strong and evident to a woman that she can't really focus on the real you. Your intentions are too obvious; you're interested and taking the long-term approach when you probably just want to sleep with her.

It's best just to be honest and don't bring those scary and leveraged social expectations into play esp. if that's not what you want in the first place.

That's why I just keep my dates fun and open. The focus is on me and her and the experience. I don't bring overwhelming social expectations of wanting to marry a woman I've just met...how on earth can you even approach women like that without getting to know them first!?

It creeps them out and lay back. Be comfortable in your own skin and set the frame of the relationship and she'll either follow or not and you won't have to worry about rejection either when executed properly.


-Rion Williams