Think about it, if we do something and 56% of the time we fail to have success in it, wouldn't you say we need to change our strategy a bit? Well folks, according to the statistics I have read, 56% of all marriages end in divorce. To me that says the way we pick our mates is not very good.

The typical relationship develops out of emotional attraction. Once we find someone whose outward appearance is attractive to us we set out to meet them in person, on the phone or even online to see if their personality and beliefs do not conflict with ours. If they make us smile, laugh and feel good, (more emotions) Bam! we think have a match. We then put a flag in the other person that signifies off limits to everyone else. If these feel good emotions last long enough people think it is love and they often begin to do things couple in love do. Some jump into bed for fear of losing the other person and some jump into marriage because they think it is the right thing.

The problem with this scenario is that couples who get involved this way do so out of emotions instead of common sense and knowledge. Our emotions often bypass our brains; we make purchases we can't afford out of emotions, we allow the emotion of lust to triumph over what we know is right, some people allow the emotion of anger to get the best of them, and yes people get involved, give their heart away, and even get married because of them. Then when the emotions subside, and they always do, many of these people wind up finding out they got involved with people they shouldn't have and after a season; sometimes years, months or for some just weeks later the couples either split up or find themselves stuck in a relationship because they got married and or had children with someone they would now really rather not be with.

If by chance there wasn't any children or they didn't get married, these people eventually wind up kicking the other person to the curb but not before they rip their flag out of their heart first; leaving one or two wounded and hurting people to heal from the painful breakup.

This scenario of flag ripping often begins in middle school and continues on after graduation. When our hearts are broken and healed repeatedly, they get calloused and hard. In many cases, they get so hard that people no longer even give their hearts to another because history has shown them that it will just get stepped on again anyway. In these cases, when the other person wants to leave and get a divorce because they haven't been properly loved; the person with that hard heart says something like; "OK go ahead, I'll survive without you, just like I did a dozen times before."

There are two things the bible tells us that every person needs to take into consideration when looking for a mate.

1. In Titus chapter 2 Paul tells Titus that older women should teach the younger women how to love. Did you read that? Teach the younger women how to love! Teach them. Love is something we learn, not something we fall into. We fall into holes, we fall into pools, we fall into piles of dog dung but we do not fall in love. We do however, fall in lust!!!! The emotion that has such a habit of messing us up.

Love is something that is learned over time because we do not expose all of ourselves to our potential partners right off the bat. We lie and pretend to be the greatest person in the world when we date; we open doors, get ourselves all dolled up and act perfect...... until they are hooked. Be honest, don't tell me you don't do things to impress the other person that you would not normally do and then after you have them you stop. Yep, you gave a false impression of what you were like. You lied. Everyone does, it's that flesh taking over. No, love is something that we need to learn, we need to learn how to get along when the other person changes. We need to learn how to deal with each other in hard times, in good times, during loss and during pain, all the emotions that may take years to surface. Men need to learn what to do when the spouse gains weight because of the children and thinks they are fat and ugly, or when their hormones change because they go through their changes. Women need to learn how to handle when the man gets tired of his job or gets laid off and doesn't feel good about himself because he can't be the provider. There are hundreds of things about each other that will surface throughout a relationship and learning how to love each other through them takes an effort. One reason so many people break up is that when these times hit their relationship, the ones who haven't been taught how to handle it, hit the road.

2. Guard your heart!

Paul tells the church of Philippi that if we are not anxious and pray, asking God for our needs that He will give us a peace that will guard our hearts. (Phil.4:6-7)

If we do not operate out of emotions but instead use the word of God and the brain He gave us, we will make wiser decisions. We will look at a persons relationship with God first because we understand that if God is not first in their life, they will not have it inside of them to treat us the way we need to be treated. We will look to see if they have direction for their life because we will know that if they don't know where they are headed, they will take us nowhere with them. Gods word also tells us that if we don't work we should go hungry. Lazy people can make you laugh and can sweet talk you all day long, but those things do not pay the light or food bills. Using Gods word you can examine their spirits to see if they are gentle and have their priorities in order so we can tell if they will love their work more than people. We will find out if they have a love of money and we will know that the love of money is the root of all evil and a problem will grow from that kind of relationship. We will see what their dreams and visions are for the future to see if they line up with ours. We will find out how they feel about children, women working outside the home, abortion, how they handle finances etc. All the things that cause break ups. And we will do this BEFORE we give our hearts away or put a flag in them. This is the only way to help ensure a successful relationship and you do this through......

Courting!

The difference between dating and courting is simple. No flags! No commitments! and No hearts given away! You go into the relationship with your brain and not your emotions; looking for the characteristics of a good spouse. A person that can keep their emotions in check will be less apt to be hurt or wind up in a position that would bring pain.

Look at the word Courting. When you are in court what happens? The evidence is tried and weighed and then a decision is handed down. By courting instead of dating, you are examining all the evidence that is before you and in this case it would be in the opposite sex. You analyze the different characteristics in the different people you come across. You find what traits you like and don't like and you continue on, weeding out the ones who don't fit your guidelines. You do this throughout your younger years with no intention of putting a flag in anyone until you are ready for marriage and that flag you put in is then called the engagement ring.

If you "hook up" with the first or second person you emotionally like, how do you know there isn't someone better suited for you that God has waiting for you? I thought Breyers Ice Cream was the best because I was raised on store brought, that is until I found Ben and Jerry's. I dropped what I thought was good for better and let me tell you, I will now after tasting homemade ice cream drop Ben and Jerry's in a heartbeat. You never know until you look.

I mean why? Why the flag if you are not ready to marry? If you are not going to do the things married people do anyway such as having sex or having children or living together, why do you need a flag? You do not need a flag to go to a movie or out to eat or bowling, you just need money and a ride. When you are ready to commit for life, ready to settle down and get married, then put the flag in. Then you stop your looking and make that commitment to make the relationship work through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. Until then, stay single, keep weighing the evidence, use your brain and hold onto your heart. You will be better off for it, I promise.