According to my emails, people want to know what a great date is and how to go about setting one up. Guys ask, "Do I have to spend a lot of money, take her to an expensive restaurant, and buy her flowers?" (The answers are: only if you have a lot of money; no; and only if you want to.) Women ask, "Do I help pay the dinner check, drive myself there, or have to be good at sports?" (The answers are: it depends on who asked for the date; maybe, if he doesn't have a car; and no.) There are always exceptions to everything, including the answers to the above. Who pays is open to being flexible. If the date was a mutual idea, then mutually split the bill.

Dating is confusing these days. The rules and expectations are different. And yet, certain standards of civility and common sense remain the same. Here are some reminders, tips, and surprises to help you:

1. Set the tone.

You will start off on the right foot by being on time. If you are late to arrive or not ready when you are being picked up, this sends the message that your schedule and your time is more important than your date's. Call ahead and let the person know what's happening. Being late or keeping people waiting is rude and can reveal a certain controlling or passive aggressive personality. If you are ADHD, or have any other time-related issues, you need to tell your date you usually have a problem with being punctual, so they are forewarned.

2. Show up looking and acting wonderful.

Your appearance and your manners speak volumes about your respecting the person you are going out with. If you have spent time on your hair or makeup, are dressed appropriately for the occasion, and have a smile on your face, your date will feel that you care. Never go out without a shower and a clean outfit on. And don't forget what your mother taught you-good manners. "Please," and "Thank you," go a long way. Everyone appreciates being treated well.

3. Choose a destination or activity that favors conversation.

Dating Alert: Dinner-and-movie is the worst date you could plan until you know the person better. Why? Restaurants and movies can be difficult venues to get to know someone. Eating and talking at the same time can be awkward. Eating in front of someone you don't know well can be uncomfortable for shy people. Bars, noisy restaurants, and places with loud music are impossible for talking and listening. And movies do not allow you to talk. Also, sometimes the content or language in a movie can be embarrassing in front of someone new in your life. What would be an easy date to manage? Here are some places to go to that promote conversation and a lack of self-consciousness:

a. Street fairs, county fairs, circuses, or carnivals

All of these involve some degree of walking together. You can also count on them to be fun and entertaining. They usually make you smile, which makes you more attractive to your date. They also allow for conversation the way concerts, plays, or movies do not.

b. Walking, hiking, bike riding

Women need to remember that guys are action oriented. The more they can be involved in doing something, the easier it is for them to open up and talk. Tennis, golf, (regular or putt-putt) and bowling are good too. A simple walk in the park or a stroll through a museum, followed by a cup of coffee, encourages and provides a setting for easy dialogue.

c. Something you've never done before

Look for an activity where you will both be novices. Making a clay pot, taking a dance class, learning to sail, or going bird watching with binoculars are ideas for a novel experience. And don't forget visiting your local SPCA.

4. Not Great Dates

As long as we are talking about good ideas, we should mention what would NOT be a good idea. If you don't know your date very well, it's probably best to avoid:

· Family reunions, family parties, or family dinners. Depending on your family, this date could scare anyone off.

· Dangerous sports. Jumping out of an airplane, going over Niagara Falls in an inner tube, or riding a wild mustang are not good ideas, even if your date is Olympic athlete material.

· Snakes, spiders and crocodiles. If your date is a wild game hunter, you still don't want to get in a cage with a tiger or Komodo Dragon. Anything with large teeth or a deadly bite is off-limits.

Great dates mean places to talk with a person who has a surprising and positive attitude about life. A great date is not asking someone to risk their life for an adrenalin rush from a scary adventure. A great date is a conversation with someone who asks questions and listens.

So get yourself ready, because-you are about to be someone's great date!

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is a Master Certified Single's Coach and Life Coach. To contact her email tonja@tonjaweimer.com or visit www.tonjaweimer.com or www.singlesdatingtips.com