All sorts of things influence how satisfying our love lives are. And many of these factors are far from obvious. For example, the type of job you do can play just as vital a part in this as the individual layout of your sexual anatomy. But you can teach yourself to be more orgasmic by stealing tips from the people who seem to have orgasms willy-nilly. Yes, we're talking about men.

Increase your Sexual Surface Area

There's a simple reason men reach orgasm faster and more regularly. The penis is a large organ, so there's a bigger sensitive surface area being pleasured. So what can we do? Old sex theories talk about ‘sexual sensate focus', which means focusing on a feeling to intensify it. New sex theory has expanded this to ‘sensate life focus'. Basically, you program your body to be constantly sensitive to stimuli going on around you - even when you're not having sex. The result? Your senses - your sight, taste and touch - are trained to be super-aware, so all the aspects of sex arouse the body more, making your entire body an orgasm waiting to happen.

Reboot your Body

This takes practice but it works. For the next week or so, focus on every sensation as much as you can - the taste and texture of an apple, feeling the rain on your skin, the sound of birds - and you'll make your senses super-sharp. The cells of the body will become reprogrammed to respond more strongly to any stimulus. So when you next have sex, your whole body will be as sensitive as your clitoris.

Love your Crotch

Men swagger about as though their little man were carrying them along, not the other way around. But it's as a result of their penis-centric-ness that they get all the fun. Physical and mental groin focus empowers your 'sexual centre', making your orgasms easier and stronger. According to Eastern practice, where your focus goes, energy follows - which is why men have plenty of sexual energy stored in their groin to fuel their orgasm. Most women ignore their sex centre until intercourse. The energy that would go into driving your climax moves to where your focus is - stress at work or getting things done. This leaves your sex centre depleted, making you less orgasmic.

The good news is that the energy isn't 'lost' - it's a question of redirecting it back to your sex centre, aka your crotch. Focus on your vagina. Do things that pull the attention back to the groin: dance, swing your hips, put knickers on slowly, dry yourself after a shower concentrating on the vagina and upper thighs. You can even copy how guys walk. The body works through conditioning - the more we do something, the easier it is.

Always Assume you Deserve Sex

Don't you hate how some of the least attractive men on the planet assume you 'want' them? Well, if you crave more orgasms you have to think more like those guys. Many women are culturally programmed to believe they don't deserve orgasms. Their subconscious says they're too unattractive, fat, unlovable or whatever, and it's this that pops up at the crucial point during sex thus denying them an orgasm. And guys? Men have less emotional baggage. Of course.

Try this psychological technique to teach your brain to be more male. First work out what negative thought is sabotaging your orgasm. Second, replace it with a thought that makes you feel sexy. And, finally, choose a physical ‘circuit breaker' - an act such as slapping yourself on the wrist, which will distract you from the negative thought if it comes into your head during sex.

You can use these steps yourself or make them part of sex by getting your partner to squeeze your bum next time you're having a negative thought and whisper something sexy about you. Once your 'circuit breaker' is installed, each time he grabs your bum your brain will associate that with an empowering thought. You'll retrain yourself to associate sex with feeling beautiful and sexy - all the time.

Focus on your Urge to Orgasm

When men are aroused, blood rushes to their genitals, leading to a very persistent, strong pressure in the penis. This, in turn, leads to a totally goal-oriented focus, along the lines of: 'I must come and nothing can stop me.' This increased blood flow is programmed into a woman's biology too, but not as powerfully. So, even when on the brink, we can lose an orgasm or get distracted by a full laundry basket.

We might not be 'built' to experience a physical sensation so strong that it wipes everything else from our minds, but we can cheat. Chi is the Eastern name for the life energy that flows around the body. And in its sexual form, chi energy can increase the frequency and strength of orgasms. Using Tantric breathing techniques, you can take control of it and direct it to any part of the body to increase sensation.

During arousal, breathe through your nose, imagining the breath flowing up into your head, down the back of your skull and down your spine to your genitals. Imagine the energy flowing into your vagina and squeeze your pelvic-floor muscles to focus your attention there. Then think to yourself, ‘I am more orgasmic.' You should feel that upsurge in intensity immediately and even notice tingling feelings the first time you try it.

Keep it Simple

Women can overcomplicate masturbation. Running a bath, creating the mood, lighting candles - these are all very nice but mean you're unconsciously programming yourself to need all this fuss before you can get aroused. Whereas men get home, drop their trousers, do the deed, then watch TV, which trains them to come quickly and easily.

Pretend you're a guy. Come home, take off your knickers, use a vibrator on yourself, then get up and make dinner. Forget the ritual. A vibrator is best because it provides the detachment men have naturally. The hand is connected to the brain, so it can stimulate emotions and overthinking, which - for many women is another orgasm-blocking habit. This is a great way to practice breaking your programming because you learn that you, not a ritual, determines when and how you orgasm.

Get Turned on by Anything

Men need only be near a magazine with semi-clad models in it and they're practically on their way to orgasm. Why? Because they're filled with testosterone, so everything turns them on. Women, chemically, are not programmed this way, so we have to rely on other methods to get us there. But often, once we find a way to take us to orgasm, we assume it's our only way, which limits our orgasm potential. So, if you had your first orgasm with a vibrator, then a penis may not do the trick, because your body has been trained to think the vibrator is the only way.

If, like men, women widen their arousal repertoire, they're more likely to orgasm in any situation. Women actually have more orgasm possibilities than men, and can even come after stimulation of nonsexual areas - for instance the hair. These triggers can replace old ones - but don't ditch your tried-and-tested method. Denying yourself creates pressure, which equals no orgasm. Start out using your old way but gradually add new sensations as you reach orgasm. Touch a new part of your body or get your partner to. Fantasize about something new or get your boyfriend to describe a sexy scenario. This increases orgasm associations in your body so you can come through a variety of turn-ons. And the bonus? Not only do a greater number of things make you orgasmic but the novelty also makes the body more sensitive and your orgasms stronger.

Practice More

New research shows we have ‘pathways' in the brain that lead to orgasms. But these can become underdeveloped through lack of use - for example if you don't masturbate much - making it harder to orgasm. As some men spend a large chunk of their lives with their hands down their pants, they prepare themselves for faster, more frequent orgasms.

It's never too late. Don't be scared to pleasure yourself. Regular practice can also help. Genital muscles are like any other. When you orgasm, they contract. The more they contract, the stronger they get, so the harder you come. A great technique? While masturbating, slide one finger inside and contract your vagina around it. Build up to two fingers, then three, to the best climax of your life.

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