How To Deal With Other People's Anger
- Date: 2007-07-28 - Word Count: 691
Share This!
There are things that you can say to yourself quietly in your mind when faced with another person's anger. This kind of talk is called self talk. The most important person you will talk to every day is yourself. It is from this talk that you can begin to take charge of your physical and emotional responses. Here are some examples to start with:
When someone gets angry, I get calm
Anger is just a temporary state of insanity - it will pass
I wonder what this person is angry about
I choose to respond calmly no matter how angry you get
I can choose to walk away if I feel uncomfortable or afraid
I am responsible for my own feelings and I can choose to respond instead of reacting
Keep this list with you, and if you like add some of your own positive statements. Choose the one that you most relate to and then affirm it to yourself every day for 5 minutes. Don't be discouraged if you forget your positive statement the first few times. Just continue to memorize it and repeat it constantly especially of you know you are going to face an angry person.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
When someone is angry, they have powerful emotions fueling their thoughts and actions. Typically, someone who is angry doesn't feel loved or understood. During their moments of anger they become irrational and illogical because these feelings overwhelm the logical mind. The fastest way to diffuse these feelings is to not judge them in another. To do this, you must also be comfortable to face your own anger.
Use statements such as:
'You seem to be very annoyed.'
'I understand that you are angry.'
When you use statements like these try to speak in a calm, sincere and assertive tone, despite how much you might want to criticize them.
Listen First, Ask Questions Later
Most angry people just want to be heard. The key to diffusing their anger is to simply acknowledge what they are saying without trying to judge or change it. The moment that you negate or oppose what they are saying you're adding fuel to the fire. The key to overcome this is to repeat back some of the main points or comments that have been made such as:
'So what you are saying is that you don't like it when…'
'Ok, I understand that you don't like to be woken up by the neighbor's dog'
Check Your Body Language
When you find yourself in an angry situation, do your best to match the position of your body with the other person. If they are standing up and talking down to you, then change your body position by standing up also.
Always keep in mind that safety comes first. Never allow anyone to encroach upon your personal space. Always keep a safe distance between you so there are no 'accidents'. If this means keeping yourself close to exit, then do so. The other option is to keep a piece of furniture between you and the other person.
By matching the body language of the other person it allows for a more non-threatening experience for both. Try not to ask any questions until after the angry person has finished their outburst. That way neither of you need to get frustrated by unsatisfactory answers.
Share Your Own Feelings
This can be a great diffuser of tension and help you to take back control of the situation. This is especially true if the other person is normally even tempered. The strategy here is to use 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements. The reasoning behind this is that you are then taking responsibility for your own emotions and not trying to blame them for how you feel.
Blaming or accusing others for how you feel in any situation will always lead to a breakdown in communication. Here are some examples:
'I feel angry when you shout at me like that'. (Instead of, 'You make me so angry when you yell.')
'I feel scared when you lose control of your temper'. (Instead of, You are scaring me'.)
'I'm so upset right now that I don't know what to think or say'. (Instead of, You are making me so upset that I I don't know what I might do'.)
When someone gets angry, I get calm
Anger is just a temporary state of insanity - it will pass
I wonder what this person is angry about
I choose to respond calmly no matter how angry you get
I can choose to walk away if I feel uncomfortable or afraid
I am responsible for my own feelings and I can choose to respond instead of reacting
Keep this list with you, and if you like add some of your own positive statements. Choose the one that you most relate to and then affirm it to yourself every day for 5 minutes. Don't be discouraged if you forget your positive statement the first few times. Just continue to memorize it and repeat it constantly especially of you know you are going to face an angry person.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
When someone is angry, they have powerful emotions fueling their thoughts and actions. Typically, someone who is angry doesn't feel loved or understood. During their moments of anger they become irrational and illogical because these feelings overwhelm the logical mind. The fastest way to diffuse these feelings is to not judge them in another. To do this, you must also be comfortable to face your own anger.
Use statements such as:
'You seem to be very annoyed.'
'I understand that you are angry.'
When you use statements like these try to speak in a calm, sincere and assertive tone, despite how much you might want to criticize them.
Listen First, Ask Questions Later
Most angry people just want to be heard. The key to diffusing their anger is to simply acknowledge what they are saying without trying to judge or change it. The moment that you negate or oppose what they are saying you're adding fuel to the fire. The key to overcome this is to repeat back some of the main points or comments that have been made such as:
'So what you are saying is that you don't like it when…'
'Ok, I understand that you don't like to be woken up by the neighbor's dog'
Check Your Body Language
When you find yourself in an angry situation, do your best to match the position of your body with the other person. If they are standing up and talking down to you, then change your body position by standing up also.
Always keep in mind that safety comes first. Never allow anyone to encroach upon your personal space. Always keep a safe distance between you so there are no 'accidents'. If this means keeping yourself close to exit, then do so. The other option is to keep a piece of furniture between you and the other person.
By matching the body language of the other person it allows for a more non-threatening experience for both. Try not to ask any questions until after the angry person has finished their outburst. That way neither of you need to get frustrated by unsatisfactory answers.
Share Your Own Feelings
This can be a great diffuser of tension and help you to take back control of the situation. This is especially true if the other person is normally even tempered. The strategy here is to use 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements. The reasoning behind this is that you are then taking responsibility for your own emotions and not trying to blame them for how you feel.
Blaming or accusing others for how you feel in any situation will always lead to a breakdown in communication. Here are some examples:
'I feel angry when you shout at me like that'. (Instead of, 'You make me so angry when you yell.')
'I feel scared when you lose control of your temper'. (Instead of, You are scaring me'.)
'I'm so upset right now that I don't know what to think or say'. (Instead of, You are making me so upset that I I don't know what I might do'.)
Related Tags: stress relief, stress relief techniques, natural stress relief, deep breathing exercises stress relief, stress relief exercise, stress relief cd, yoga and stress relief, stress relief complex
Exactly how are some people learning Your Article Search Directory : Find in Articles
Recent articles in this category:
- The Resurgence of Fred Perry Clothing
Summer might long be over and Wimbledon may be a distant memory, however the fashion is a year round - Uncovering Men's Tank Tops
I don't know a thing about you, but I'll bet that you have worn a tank top. Tank tops have also been - Make Use of Silk Scarves to Take Good Care of Your Skin
In the event you are new about silk scarves, you could never read about this particular feature of s - Just For Men Scarves - the Preference For Guys in the Vogue Domain
If you are not certain what style of present you could provide for men, maybe you can consider men s - Think Black Friday Shopping is Beyond Your Budget?
Moms who are juggling the bills and still trying to provide the perfect holiday gift to loved ones a - How to Make Conscious Shopping Choices
Many people have heard the phrase "voting with your dollars" and they understand that it means your - Silk Scarves - Unique Present Approach in Xmas Seasons
The most prevalent silk add-on is scarves, and many focus is presented on inspired designing on thes - Benefits of an Aloe Vera Shampoo
A lot of people are not aware of the specific benefits that using an aloe vera shampoo can do to the - How Effective is the Power of Your Subconscious Mind?
Most people are bombarded with this thought whenever they feel weak and wish to affect certain chang - Silk Scarf - the Record For Human Being in the Style History
Throughout the 19th and 20th centuries the worldwide recognition of silk scarves developed dramatica
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Surf and Turf: the Race Track
Surf and Turf: The Race TrackOne of the favorite places for The G to hang out at, especially in Summ - Are You Looking For Cholesterol Drugs Without Side Effect?
High cholesterol level is probably one of the widely spread complication among Americans. Almost for - Friday the 13th could be a lucky day?
Friday the 13th sounds unlucky ? Traditional superstition ? And a lot of people dislike it and beli - Don't Judge A Man
Our world is full of bad tongues, fault-finders, gossipers, mockers, and insulters but do these grou - When Personalized Gifts Make a Difference
Finding the right gifts for a particular occasion is always a challenging task. Sometimes it is nic - Managing My Resistance: Learning To Flow With What Life Offers
One of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in - What Are Horoscopes Based On?
If you do not know much about astrology, you may wonder what are horoscopes based on and how astrolo - 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make
We often find ourselves amid the wreckage of a love gone wrong, wringing our hands and asking, "Why - Motivation as the heart of self improvement
You should be able to find several indispensable facts about Motivation in the following paragraphs - Is Complete Abstinence from Use of Paychoactive Substances Necessary for Recovery?
Can a sober alcoholic in recovery who has no history of abuse of marijuana, use marijuana without