7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make
We often find ourselves amid the wreckage of a love gone wrong, wringing our hands and asking, "Why did he or she turn out to be such a jerk?" I'm sure that person made many of the 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes, but what you should be asking yourself is, "Which mistakes did I make and how could I have prevented this?"
Sure, it takes two to tango, and if he (or she) was really a jerk, you think you probably couldn't have done anything differently, but you could have. A change in your behavior may have changed his (or her) behavior, or it may have ended the relationship early on before you were too invested. You see, couples are often unknowingly attracted because their "dysfunction" fits their mate's "dysfunction," which then creates an addictive dysfunctional relationship.
We learn our bad behaviors and choices in childhood. What we actually experienced as a child or what we observed from watching our parents relationship is how we now play out our relationships. This is why we make so many mistakes. But we can learn, become healthier, and stop choosing dysfunctional partners AND/OR not stay in a relationship that we know is bad for us. Most people make one or more of these mistakes repeatedly in their relationships.
The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make:
1) Forcing Intimacy
2) Expecting Your Mate to Read Your Mind
3) Playing the Martyr
4) Thinking You Are Always Right
5) Rescuing Your Mate
6) Taking Your Mate for Granted
7) Letting Passion Die
1) Forcing Intimacy: Men and women who force intimacy try to rush a relationship. They're in love with love. Men usually push sexual intimacy, while women comply by having sex too soon and then try to force the emotional intimacy. To stop making Mistake #1, You Must Take the Relationship Slow: 1 date a week or less and no sex for 5 dates minimum, and keep dating others until your partner is committed to you).
2) Expecting Your Mate to Read Your Mind: Couples constantly complain about poor communication, yet they think their mate "should know" how they feel and what they want. To stop making Mistake #2, You Need To Communicate: what you feel, what you want, ask if they get what you're saying, and then give them an ultimatum (tell them what you'll do if you don't get what you asked for).
3) Playing the Martyr: Martyrs believe that "justice will prevail." They think that if they are good and sweet and nice and sacrificing, then they will get their reward and others will do good things for them. So they keep overgiving and waiting for someone else to make their life better. But it never happens, so they become passive/aggressive and difficult to be around. To stop making Mistake #3, You Must Not Give More Than You Get.
4) Thinking You Are Always Right: There is a big difference between self-confident and self-righteous. When someone is truly confident, they are open to others' ideas. When someone is self-righteous, they are rigid in their thinking and afraid to listen to someone else's point of view. People who think they are always right are often admired (foolishly). But they are seldom loved and cherished (because no one can get close to them). To stop making Mistake #4, You Must Be Vulnerable With Your Mate.
5) Rescuing Your Mate: It feels so good to "help" others, and we're taught that it's the right thing to do. There's just one problem. To "help" someone, you must first assume that you are better or stronger than they are in some way. Rescuing is a "one-upmanship" behavior that is "controlling." So if you are "helping" your mate, you are also looking down on him or her -- and probably controlling their life. Rescuing causes much more resentment from others than gratefulness (which is what we expect). To stop making Mistake #5, You Need To Control Your Own Life and Expect Your Mate To Do the Same.
6) Taking Your Mate for Granted: We get comfortable and expect our partner to be around forever. We don't think we have to spend quality time with them or remind them how we feel about them. Afterall, we're just too busy for that. Feeling "taken for granted" is the major cause of cheating. To not make Mistake #6, You Need To Regularly Show Respect and Love for Your Mate.
7) Letting Passion Die: People say passion will eventually die in any long-term relationship. But I disagree. Granted, it usually does, but that's because couples allow everything, except sex, to become a priority. The only thing that keeps a "love" relationship different from any other relationship (friend, roommate, family member) is the sexual connection. If a couple lets that go, they are letting go of "being IN love." To not make Mistake #7, You Need To Continually Show Your Mate that You Desire Him or Her.
Related Tags: men, women, dating, love, marriage, relationship, divorce, mistakes, passion, intimacy, mate, dysfunction
Carolyn Bushong, a Denver,CO licensed therapist, helps couples and singles in her office, on-line,& by phone. Author of: Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, & The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes. Has appeared on Oprah. http://www.carolynsays.com. 303-333-1888.
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- The Resurgence of Fred Perry Clothing
Summer might long be over and Wimbledon may be a distant memory, however the fashion is a year round - Uncovering Men's Tank Tops
I don't know a thing about you, but I'll bet that you have worn a tank top. Tank tops have also been - Make Use of Silk Scarves to Take Good Care of Your Skin
In the event you are new about silk scarves, you could never read about this particular feature of s - Just For Men Scarves - the Preference For Guys in the Vogue Domain
If you are not certain what style of present you could provide for men, maybe you can consider men s - Think Black Friday Shopping is Beyond Your Budget?
Moms who are juggling the bills and still trying to provide the perfect holiday gift to loved ones a - How to Make Conscious Shopping Choices
Many people have heard the phrase "voting with your dollars" and they understand that it means your - Silk Scarves - Unique Present Approach in Xmas Seasons
The most prevalent silk add-on is scarves, and many focus is presented on inspired designing on thes - Benefits of an Aloe Vera Shampoo
A lot of people are not aware of the specific benefits that using an aloe vera shampoo can do to the - How Effective is the Power of Your Subconscious Mind?
Most people are bombarded with this thought whenever they feel weak and wish to affect certain chang - Silk Scarf - the Record For Human Being in the Style History
Throughout the 19th and 20th centuries the worldwide recognition of silk scarves developed dramatica
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Surf and Turf: the Race Track
Surf and Turf: The Race TrackOne of the favorite places for The G to hang out at, especially in Summ - Are You Looking For Cholesterol Drugs Without Side Effect?
High cholesterol level is probably one of the widely spread complication among Americans. Almost for - Friday the 13th could be a lucky day?
Friday the 13th sounds unlucky ? Traditional superstition ? And a lot of people dislike it and beli - Don't Judge A Man
Our world is full of bad tongues, fault-finders, gossipers, mockers, and insulters but do these grou - When Personalized Gifts Make a Difference
Finding the right gifts for a particular occasion is always a challenging task. Sometimes it is nic - Managing My Resistance: Learning To Flow With What Life Offers
One of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in - What Are Horoscopes Based On?
If you do not know much about astrology, you may wonder what are horoscopes based on and how astrolo - Motivation as the heart of self improvement
You should be able to find several indispensable facts about Motivation in the following paragraphs - Is Complete Abstinence from Use of Paychoactive Substances Necessary for Recovery?
Can a sober alcoholic in recovery who has no history of abuse of marijuana, use marijuana without - Prestigious University In The Heart Of Phoenix Takes Students To Heart
Good education is the solid foundation on which an individual builds his life. Today there are numer