We talk about happiness every day of our lives in our elusive search for it. We see happiness as something external we can just pluck out of nowhere when we want it, just call it up when we want to have a better day. Moreover, happiness seems to affect everyone else except us. If you are looking to the outside world or to material things for happiness you are looking in the wrong place. Real happiness cannot be found in outside of us. Often we are denied happiness because we don't know how to begin the search.

Happiness has given us humans a lot of trouble for three main reasons. First, we don't know how to define happiness to suit ourselves. Everyone defines happiness in a different way. Quite simply, many people don't know what they want to make them happy so their choices change literally according to their moods. They believe happiness is something they work towards not realising, or accepting, that happiness starts inside of us first. It is not an ideal destination we spend our life heading for. It actually is with us every day, from this minute, and demonstrates itself in how we love and appreciate ourself. How can we ever find happiness if we don't know what it means for us?

How can we be truly happy if we are not clear about what makes us happy or we expect others to fulfil that need? Defining what would make you happy, whether your purpose in life, your desires or visions, is the very first step to being truly happy. It means when those things appear you will recognise them instead of living in ignorance of who you are and what makes you tick.

Second, we are always looking for happiness with someone else or with material things. We often believe that getting a new dress, a new car, new flat, new yacht will do the trick: to bring us that elusive happiness we have sought. But any material things give us moments of temporary JOY. They do not give long term happiness. Material things help us to enjoy various aspects of life that money can buy but they bring no happiness where we live without self love, without esteem, without love for others and without care and compassion. We can have everything in the world at our fingertips, but if we lack self-love and contentment, especially when we feel like crap, we will remain unhappy.

Address the Real Issues
Cue stars like Britney Spears, Robbie Williams, both in rehab, and Whitney Houston with the perennial problems with Bobby Brown. They might be very rich people but has their money helped in their search for self-appreciation and love? If we are unhappy with our nose, no amount of fiddling with our hands will sort the problem with that nose until we address the real issue. Many celebrities believe that fame and fortune will make them happy, but then reach their desired rainbow only to find that they left their pot of gold way behind them. Happiness starts from within, when we are truly happy with who we are and seek no approval. When we can accept our warts and failings and realise that nothing detracts from the magnificent and amazing beings we are.

Finally, happiness eludes us because we think we do not deserve it.

I met a guy once whom I really liked but we never got off the ground because he kept saying how he didn't deserve me or such a wonderful relationship. He was dwelling on the fears in his head instead of giving thanks for us finding each other. Naturally, his fears became a self-fulfilling prophecy because his negative thoughts began to sabotage possible meetings. As he felt he didn't deserve me, he immediately put mental barriers to enjoying my company. Somehow, there was always a crisis whenever we set dates. He then felt terrible about it, which increased his feelings of inadequacy and reinforced his thoughts of being undeserving even more, in an unending vicious circle. We cannot have the opposite of what we are thinking. We have to think as we mean it to happen to get the results we are after.

So begin the process of defining happiness as it means to YOU. What would really make you happy for the next few years? NOT forever, because we evolve as people and our needs inevitably change with time, and not just for a moment either. Then look inside of you to see how you feel about yourself and how that happiness will sit with your general contentment and esteem. Then believe you deserve it because we all deserve happiness. Some people are not just sent here to suffer and some to be happy. We all face the same possibilities. Our outcomes depend on the choices we personally make which then decide the direction we ultimately travel: whether towards finding that elusive happiness or moving even further away from it.