He's like an Apple. At least, that's how my Right Eye sees him.

My Left Eye is rather different, due to a Judo accident thirty years ago. I was fighting in the British Army team against the German Police. To score a Full Point one has to deposit your partner flat on his back. This often entails falling on top of him to make sure he can't twist out to safety. A few days prior to the match I'd injured my knee, and I was hesitant to risk it in an important competition.

So when I threw my opponent I held back and didn't drop on him as I would normally have done. The result: he twisted onto his side, for a half point.

Getting up, he disappeared (underneath me somewhere!) Up and over I went, but Black Belts have a highly developed sense of balance, and I twisted in mid air to evade the point. Unfortunately. Landing directly on my head, I suffered severe concussion, losing my memory and blinding my left eye.

So thirty years later, I only see one single Apple when I look at Tyson!

Now all I care about is Doreen my wife, my music, my books (right eye only!), my computer - and Tyson! (Is that in reverse order? I'll dodge that!)

My big hobby is in fact the Martial Arts. I started at age fourteen, and haven't stopped even sixty years later. When I walk Tyson (twice a day) I place his safety way above mine - don't we all!

Such that if I were about to be attacked or mugged, my first duty is to slip his collar off. To set him completely free so that he couldn't be grabbed, held or even stabbed. His collar is set very loose so that it slides easily over his huge head. He is trained to bark (very loudly!) to draw public attention in the event of an emergency. There is nothing a robber hates as much as noise, commotion and - witnesses. I train him regularly to bark, with a copious supply of (small) dog biscuits. On the command "Bark" he really lets rip. Immediately and loudly. He's absolutely on the ball here.

We read so much about pet owners being attacked, raped and murdered when walking their dog in the park or wherever.. Young girls, pram-pushing mothers, like me you read the papers.

What I require from my Stafford is that if I were threatened, on slipping his collar and lead, that he runs around the stranger barking loudly (and apparently fiercely) so as to

1. Draw attention (noise)

2. Distract the Mugger (rapid movement)

3. Actually frighten him (a barking dog just might dash in and bite)

4. Giving me time to forget about my sixty years of training as a Black Belt and run away as fast as I can!

[I mean that! A hand-knife raises a mugger better even than a high grade Black Belt German policeman!]

Your first duty - free your dog.

Next - depart the scene rapidly. Your dog will follow safely. No need to worry about him. It might be useful to shout out loud "BITE! BITE! BITE!" even though you don't mean it.

The mugger won't know that!