I've been sitting here in the corner of the living room we call the study all day. I remember my mother taking forever to type out something on our old machine. She used to call it, her hunt-and-peck style. I never learnt anything different. Just two fingers in search of something to say. At first, I did think of using a pen. I would get the writing done quicker. But because we got a PC for the boys - they always liked to play games even though they did fight over who was going to play them - I've been pecking this out. At least it's easy to go back and correct something if I hit the wrong key. My mother used to go through bottles of Liquid Paper.

Today's the day I get to take Ambien for the first time. I'm feeling a tad nervous about it now. While it was still just an idea, it didn't seem too bad. Now I'm actually going to take it - to become the Ambien Girl the nurses kept calling me at the hospital - I'm not so sure. I wish I could look in a mirror and answer my question, What is Ambien? It sounds such an easy question - the kind of question I should be able to answer. What is Ambien?

But I still don't know. Dave went down to the pharmacy to collect the bottle - he's quite relieved that it's all coming as part of the package. He says we would find it a stretch to buy Ambien on our budget. He's hidden it away somewhere so I can't read what it says on the label. He's taking all this secrecy thing very seriously. He did say he wasn't just hiding it from me. Ambien's not the kind of thing you leave lying around a house when you've got children.

Which I find strange because if it really is an ointment, I can't see anyone taking a spoon to the bottle and eating it to get high. It just doesn't sound like something anyone would do. Not like Liquid Paper which you could inhale. Not that I ever did it regularly. It made me cough too much.

When I looked up a few letters ago, Dave's come home. It's been all day doing this. I'm hopelessly slow. Dave says he'll type for me. I just speak and he'll get it down for me.

Dave cooked me a meal and says it's time for me to go to bed. That's not something I've heard him say for a long time. We haven't had sex for a long time now. Dave says he's sorry about that. I ask if this Ambien is like Viagra but Dave says it's the ultimate passion killer. I can't think what it must do. How can a pill stop you from being interested in sex?

Dave says he'll help me get undressed. I ask him about the ointment. He says once I've taken the pill and lie down on the bed, he'll rub my back. So that's it. I'm finally going to take this Ambien.

Tomorrow, I'll be an expert on what Ambien does. Ambien Girl will rule!