With the massive explosion of online dating sites more and more people are searching the Internet to try and find someone special to spend their lonely nights with. While it may seem completely harmless online dating sites are doing more damage than good, particularly with people who are shy.

Going out and meeting new people can be scary if you aren't used to it. The sweaty palms, nervous feeling in your gut and the stuttering will happen if you aren't a seasoned socializer. At times it can become so terrifying that hiding behind a computer screen day and night can seem like a much better alternative.

Don't fall for the trap and become an online dating addict. Turning to your computer to find you dates is bitter sweet. On the one hand you are getting the attention from the opposite sex you so desperately crave. On the other hand you losing out on a key element of a successful and happy life...learning to be social.

The people who will have the most trouble becoming good with women are the ones who never learned to be social. Being social is a skill, not something that is learned simply by reading it. It requires action in order to get it mastered. You could read about body language, voice tone and emotions till the cows come home but you will never fully grasp this till you go out and try it.

When you are talking with another person there are a million different actions all happening at once. It is impossible to read and think about all of these different social cues all at one time, otherwise you would never talk in a conversation.

Your brain is wired to learn skill sets without you consciously being aware of everything that is going on. If you were aware of the amount of calculation and decision involved in riding a bike you would never be able to do it. Your unconscious takes care of almost everything and allows you to be aware of what you need to know. The same goes with becoming social.

Your brain picks up on these social cues while you are interacting with someone and processes them unconsciously. It will only tell you what you need to know. Learning when to talk, when to listen, how to move your body and all the other factors that come into every interaction is learned on an unconscious level.

The ONLY way that this unconscious learning can happen is by going out and interacting with other people. When you opt to go with online interacting none of this learning takes place. You might know what to say to people but you won't do well in a social interactions because you haven't learned how to read social cues. You are doing yourself a great disservice by missing out on one of the key fundamentals of life.

If you decide to stick to the online dating in hopes of creating a real life relationship your chances of it becoming successful are low. The initial interaction will go sour very quickly because you haven't taken the time to learn the social skills necessary for interacting with women. This online image that you have created for yourself will vanish within moments of her meeting you.

The only way for the relationship to work is if she completely lacks social skills as well. If that is the case she will tend to be on the uglier side because most beautiful women get tons of social interactions and the less than attractive women don't.

Another reason why people turn to the internet for some loving is because they are scared. Scared to face rejection that is inevitable when it comes to approaching women. Scared to face their fears so they take comfort in internet dating.

Whenever you avoid a fear by taking the easier route you are drifter further away from being free and confident. Every time you push through one of your fears you become a little bit more confident. Push through all of them and you will find a confidence level in yourself that you never thought was possible.

No matter how hard you try you can never avoid a fear, only distract yourself from it. Even if you try your best hardest to avoid your fear it will still find away to creep it's way back into your life. Repression is never the answer because that which you repress will come out in other unhealthy ways.

Do yourself a favor and delete your e harmony account or any other accounts that you have. Get up and walk away from your computer. Go out and push through your fears and meet real live women. Happiness won't be found through a keyboard and profile.

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Enjoy!

Alex Strandberg