Humor, Humor: The Secret Plot Against Humans By Appliances
The vacuum cleaner is broken. I decide to take it apart and fix it. I take the screws out. One drops and rolls into another dimension. I snuffle around on all fours for 20 minutes looking for it. It has gone under a low shelf, taken a 145 degree turn and snuggled up behind a leg of the shelf, where it can only be seen by shoving a dentist mirror under the shelf and shining a torch in there.
OK, now the screws are all out, but the cover refuses to come off. Stupid thing! Stick screwdriver into a crevice and lever it. The plastic tears. Cover doesn't budge. Hit it with a hammer. No go. Now the plastic's got dents as well. Find small clip hidden on each side of the cover, that can only be found by pyschoanalysing the Italian fitter that designed the thing. Cover comes off. Little spring jumps out and is promptly eaten by gremlins hiding under my workbench. Was probably unimportant, I reckon.
Find that the cover is only the outer part of the machine. There's another cover inside without any screws. Levering, hitting, looking for little clips doesn't help. While shaking it violently it comes apart in my hands. I don't know how it goes together again. A little round washer falls out and goes in my shirt pocket. It was trying to hide there! I fish it out and put it in a safe place. That was the last time I ever saw it.
Now I can see the motor. This time there are 5 screws to undo. I look for my screwdriver, which I had in my hand less than a minute earlier. It's gone. How can that be? 10 minutes later I'm still looking. I start believing in UFO's and parallel universes. After 15 minutes and 2 handfuls of hair from my head, I find it's rolled off the table and into the disassembled top of the vacuum cleaner, and is hidden by the plastic cover. How can that happen naturally? Now I can't remember what I wanted it for.
Ah yes, the 5 screws. Right, got the 5 screws out. Try to get the motor out. It's loose, but something is jamming it in there. Use a bit more force. Motor busts out with a cracking sound, and little things bounce onto my feet. It's bits of broken plastic from the motor housing.
Get the car keys. I'm off to town to do some shopping.
Let's hope the car starts...
Duncan Kelly
Related Tags: appliances, vacuum, humor, funny, joke, cleaner
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