A midlife meltdowns show-up in a variety of ways. The meltdown can be a steamy affair, wild travel adventures or dropping everything, to follow a whim. At 48 I had mine. I was tired and weary, ready to let go after being a single divorcee for 20 years. So, when an attractive man 20 years my senior, energetic, vibrant, and sweet on me arrived, I gave up some of me for us. I ended up with a six-year relationship rather than the permanent one I desired. Through that experience and my journey, I have learned the difference between attracting and avoiding a midlife meltdown.

At midlife particularly we are prompted by our psyches to bring forth stifled and/or ignored parts of ourselves that are hungry for expression. Expression that helps us become more fulfilled. The trick is to keep the evolutionary from becoming revolutionary. We can make decisions that adversely affect us as well as the lives of those closest to us.

If we want to avert this disruption, it's important to recognize a meltdown in the making and how to avoid it and create a healthier transition.

To attract a meltdown:

1. Brush off the feeling that you can no longer tolerate the status quo. Ignore restlessness or loss of interest in your job, husband, and/or sex life.

2. Press on; keep doing what you have always done at the pace that you have always done it. After all it has worked for a long time, and you have only five more years to early retirement or until your husband is ready to make a move, etc.

3. Dismiss any time to reflect and evaluate what you want for yourself.

To avoid a midlife meltdown:

1. Notice. What brings you pleasure and what depletes you? You may feel drained on the job, but the pay level is great. A job may require a cost/benefit analysis. Is the cost of the physical, emotional, spiritual drain worth the income flow or could it be time for a change?

2. Be aware. Tune into your feelings, your thoughts, and your behavior. What is "conversation in your head" telling you? Is part of you feeling angry and ignored while part of you is feeling entitled to comforts to which you have become accustomed. If there is a conflict, how can you address conflicting needs?

3. Tune in. Allow yourself to take a Saturday or a week to yourself. Get lost in a funky coffee shop or sort things out at a beach house where you can be alone and tune in. Listen for your heart's story. Write it, let it take on a life of its own and show you parts of you that are longing for expression.

4. Rediscover what gives you joy. A very successful professional found herself enthusiastically cleaning out closets for relatives and friends. She finally began looking at her own "closets." What no longer belonged in her life? What talents was she hungry to bring forth?

5. Deepen your spiritual connection. For many, midlife is a rich time to find meaning and the chance to nurture your spiritual connection and practices.

6. Have conversations with a trusted confidant, coach, or counselor if you find yourself acting in ways that you don't feel any freedom.

Yes, I would say that my six-year relationship at 48 was close to a meltdown. I managed to get very ill a couple of times, and in the end my soul's calling prevailed. I value the relationship for what it provided - a stronger sense of my own authority, a renewed love of the out-of-doors, and a respect for the aging process. However, there were costs. I "retired" for most of those six years and am making up for some of the career opportunities I have missed. Thankfully I went through most of those six years conscious, making the best choices I could to balance head and heart.

By choosing to meet midlife fully present and with intentional choice, you too can craft a midlife metamorphosis rather than a meltdown.