Find Out What Really Goes On At Bachelor Parties
- Date: 2007-05-03 - Word Count: 1228
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Bachelor Parties-most men have them and unless you're a stripper you probably have no clue what goes down at one. But you don't have to wonder anymore. We interviewed David Boyer, author of Bachelor Party Confidential: A Real-Life Peak Behind a Closed-Door Tradition,who gave us the full scoop on this male mystery.
Savvy Miss: What goes on during a typical bachelor party?
David Boyer: [laughs] A typical bachelor party is probably a dinner with thoughts of going to a strip club that either happens or doesn't. If it does, it's often quick and pretty painless, but there are plenty of examples where that's not the case and it does get a little crazier. If there's one thing [bachelor parties] have in common it's that they all use that Tom Hanks Bachelor Party [movie] as a point of reference.
SM: How many parties would you say hire strippers or go to strip clubs?
DB: I would say somewhere near one in two. And how many times it comes up is probably more, it just depends on how many guys get it together to actually plan it. Men aren't always good at planning things, so I think there're a lot of plans that don't ever come to fruition.
SM: How many men would you say do something that could be considered cheating at a bachelor party?
DB: One thing I learned is that the groom is a little bit less likely than his friends to do something; and I think the married men are more likely to do something. This came up over and over when I was talking to strippers and talking to married men. It's his friends that [are more likely to] get an extra-curricular activity, whatever that may be-a blow job, a hand job or further-because all eyes aren't on the friends and for a lot of guys it is a chance to let their hair down.
SM: How common are these extra-curriculars you mentioned?
DB: I would say 1 in 10, somewhere around there. But it also depends on how you define it. Is a lap dance crossing the line? Some would say yes and some no. Beyond that I would say the more intimate in nature the act the number does go down. But it does happen.
SM: Should wives be worried about their husbands going to bachelor parties?
DB: Yes and no. The strippers were saying that the guys who come with their wives' permission are the ones who are the most well-behaved. And it's the guys who know they shouldn't be doing it and feel guilty that are less respectful of [the strippers.] [There are] a lot of guys with wedding rings on reaching for their boobs- a lot.
I have a somewhat controversial opinion that if a guy kisses a stripper or has some sort of sexual interaction with the stripper, while I can understand the wife not being happy about it, it's not really about her in that moment. A lot of women may see it as 'he doesn't love me' or some competition between them and the stripper, but, really, it's a kind of fantasy space they're in. It has nothing to do with love and emotion and commitment; it's a completely different animal and I heard that from guys over and over - how much they love their wives and what they do in a strip club has nothing to do with them. But I can certainly understand how wives wouldn't want that to happen.
SM: So would you recommend women trying to set up rules for bachelor parties?
DB: I think it's worth discussing and letting him know what you feel is appropriate and is not. Will he go and play by the rules? Hopefully, but at least he knows what you're expecting.
SM: Tell us something women wouldn't expect to hear about bachelor parties.
DB: The real bonding of it. There is a chance to really relax and there's a lot of male bonding going on. It may not look like female bonding, may not be as emotive, but I was shocked by the amount of guys just talking and hanging out and getting some unmitigated time. As there are less and less opportunities for guys to bond, the ones they have become more important and more intense.
SM: What's the most outrageous bachelor party story you heard while writing this book?
DB: [Laughs] My favorite is an Australian bachelor party. It was a group of guys that played rugby together. For the bachelor party, it was a day-long event and they did something called pub golf. They went to 18 different pubs in Sydney. So, by 6 p.m., the bachelor was essentially passed out - and in Australia pranks are a big deal. One of the guys was a doctor at a nearby hospital and so they jokingly said 'why don't we go and get a cast put on his arm and tell him he broke his arm.' But at this point they're all really fucked up. On the way there, they think 'fuck it, let's tell him he broke his leg and put him in a cast from his waist to his ankles,' three days before the wedding. And when he woke up, they told him that he'd fallen down and broken his leg. So he goes through his wedding on crutches and in a cast and goes on his honeymoon in Fiji for 10 days in a cast, all the time thinking he's broken his leg and they don't tell him until he comes back.
SM: Do the bachelors really think it's their last night of freedom?
DB: No. As one woman said to me: "His last night of freedom was the night before he met me." They may take the opportunity to do something, but they know it's not their last night of freedom. If they're in a committed relationship then it's just an excuse to party.
SM: What about guys who say they don't want a bachelor party or strippers?
DB: That would be a very small number. Truthfully, they may feel uncomfortable, but push comes to shove and they'll be into it. I've talked to people that work in strip clubs and they hear it every night 'oh I've never done this before I feel a little awkward,' but fast-forward three drinks and they're like pros-like they grew up in a strip club. [laughs]
SM: What about money? How much does all of this cost?
DB: A lot. [Laughs.] I would say that once strippers enter the picture it's a lot of money. Guys going to Vegas were spending a thousand dollars a day. But I think there's this built up pressure and so guys are willing to spend a lot of money to give its appropriate due. I refer to Vegas as a sort of status symbol. For women it's a certain size diamond, but for men it's a Vegas bachelor party.
SM: What can women do about bachelor parties?
DB: If there's one thing I learned it's that if there's a role for women it's encouraging men to do this. Because I think if there were more opportunities for guys to get together and bond then there would be less worry about the bachelor party.
My advice to women is to go light on guys. There's not much to be gained by setting up this rigid 'I don't want you to look at another woman again' thing. It doesn't work out well for anyone.
Savvy Miss: What goes on during a typical bachelor party?
David Boyer: [laughs] A typical bachelor party is probably a dinner with thoughts of going to a strip club that either happens or doesn't. If it does, it's often quick and pretty painless, but there are plenty of examples where that's not the case and it does get a little crazier. If there's one thing [bachelor parties] have in common it's that they all use that Tom Hanks Bachelor Party [movie] as a point of reference.
SM: How many parties would you say hire strippers or go to strip clubs?
DB: I would say somewhere near one in two. And how many times it comes up is probably more, it just depends on how many guys get it together to actually plan it. Men aren't always good at planning things, so I think there're a lot of plans that don't ever come to fruition.
SM: How many men would you say do something that could be considered cheating at a bachelor party?
DB: One thing I learned is that the groom is a little bit less likely than his friends to do something; and I think the married men are more likely to do something. This came up over and over when I was talking to strippers and talking to married men. It's his friends that [are more likely to] get an extra-curricular activity, whatever that may be-a blow job, a hand job or further-because all eyes aren't on the friends and for a lot of guys it is a chance to let their hair down.
SM: How common are these extra-curriculars you mentioned?
DB: I would say 1 in 10, somewhere around there. But it also depends on how you define it. Is a lap dance crossing the line? Some would say yes and some no. Beyond that I would say the more intimate in nature the act the number does go down. But it does happen.
SM: Should wives be worried about their husbands going to bachelor parties?
DB: Yes and no. The strippers were saying that the guys who come with their wives' permission are the ones who are the most well-behaved. And it's the guys who know they shouldn't be doing it and feel guilty that are less respectful of [the strippers.] [There are] a lot of guys with wedding rings on reaching for their boobs- a lot.
I have a somewhat controversial opinion that if a guy kisses a stripper or has some sort of sexual interaction with the stripper, while I can understand the wife not being happy about it, it's not really about her in that moment. A lot of women may see it as 'he doesn't love me' or some competition between them and the stripper, but, really, it's a kind of fantasy space they're in. It has nothing to do with love and emotion and commitment; it's a completely different animal and I heard that from guys over and over - how much they love their wives and what they do in a strip club has nothing to do with them. But I can certainly understand how wives wouldn't want that to happen.
SM: So would you recommend women trying to set up rules for bachelor parties?
DB: I think it's worth discussing and letting him know what you feel is appropriate and is not. Will he go and play by the rules? Hopefully, but at least he knows what you're expecting.
SM: Tell us something women wouldn't expect to hear about bachelor parties.
DB: The real bonding of it. There is a chance to really relax and there's a lot of male bonding going on. It may not look like female bonding, may not be as emotive, but I was shocked by the amount of guys just talking and hanging out and getting some unmitigated time. As there are less and less opportunities for guys to bond, the ones they have become more important and more intense.
SM: What's the most outrageous bachelor party story you heard while writing this book?
DB: [Laughs] My favorite is an Australian bachelor party. It was a group of guys that played rugby together. For the bachelor party, it was a day-long event and they did something called pub golf. They went to 18 different pubs in Sydney. So, by 6 p.m., the bachelor was essentially passed out - and in Australia pranks are a big deal. One of the guys was a doctor at a nearby hospital and so they jokingly said 'why don't we go and get a cast put on his arm and tell him he broke his arm.' But at this point they're all really fucked up. On the way there, they think 'fuck it, let's tell him he broke his leg and put him in a cast from his waist to his ankles,' three days before the wedding. And when he woke up, they told him that he'd fallen down and broken his leg. So he goes through his wedding on crutches and in a cast and goes on his honeymoon in Fiji for 10 days in a cast, all the time thinking he's broken his leg and they don't tell him until he comes back.
SM: Do the bachelors really think it's their last night of freedom?
DB: No. As one woman said to me: "His last night of freedom was the night before he met me." They may take the opportunity to do something, but they know it's not their last night of freedom. If they're in a committed relationship then it's just an excuse to party.
SM: What about guys who say they don't want a bachelor party or strippers?
DB: That would be a very small number. Truthfully, they may feel uncomfortable, but push comes to shove and they'll be into it. I've talked to people that work in strip clubs and they hear it every night 'oh I've never done this before I feel a little awkward,' but fast-forward three drinks and they're like pros-like they grew up in a strip club. [laughs]
SM: What about money? How much does all of this cost?
DB: A lot. [Laughs.] I would say that once strippers enter the picture it's a lot of money. Guys going to Vegas were spending a thousand dollars a day. But I think there's this built up pressure and so guys are willing to spend a lot of money to give its appropriate due. I refer to Vegas as a sort of status symbol. For women it's a certain size diamond, but for men it's a Vegas bachelor party.
SM: What can women do about bachelor parties?
DB: If there's one thing I learned it's that if there's a role for women it's encouraging men to do this. Because I think if there were more opportunities for guys to get together and bond then there would be less worry about the bachelor party.
My advice to women is to go light on guys. There's not much to be gained by setting up this rigid 'I don't want you to look at another woman again' thing. It doesn't work out well for anyone.
Related Tags: wedding, bride, bachelor, groom, party, bachelor party, stripper
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