Mexico: Expat Quiz
- Date: 2006-12-08 - Word Count: 608
Share This!
The following is a quiz that every American expat wannabe to Mexico should be required by Mexican law to take. This will help you determine if moving to Mexico to spend the rest of your life here is right for you. It should be the basis whether Mexico issues you a visa to take one step onto Mexican soil.
1) The following will make you run screaming for the nearest taxi to get you to the airport for an emergency airlift back to the U.S.A.:
a. Large mountainous piles of dog poop on the sidewalks.
b. Pickup trucks parked in front of butcher shops with partially slaughtered, bloodied meat in the back.
c. Men, women, and children placing the snout of a pig onto a flour or corn tortilla, wrapping it, and then consuming it while making loud smacking and squishing sounds.
d. All the above.
2) The following will incite you to flapping your arms like a deranged windmill, cursing madly, and lecturing Mexicans in English (which they probably cannot comprehend):
a. Seeing a Mexican mother serving her child a taco for breakfast rather than Special K cereal with skim milk.
b. Seeing Mexicans eating a Styrofoam plate filled with refried beans, topped with the most virulent chilies, and chips morning, noon, and night.
c. Witnessing the rolling corn-on-the-cob shack woman slathering copious amounts of FAT FULL mayonnaise on corn on the cob and then stuffing it into the mouth of a 2-year-old.
d. None of the above since you come from America where more than 67% of the population is fatter than hogs and so what the hell do you know about good nutrition anyway!
3) You can tolerate the following without needing massive amounts of tranquilizers or an open-ended Prozac prescription:
a. Invisible marching drummer and bugle bands that you can hear every night starting at 7:30 p.m., playing the same hideously repetitive tune, from another dimension that is bleeding over into your reality (you hear them but they cannot ever be seen!).
b. Warfare-grade explosives being set off during the day or night for the advent of a fiesta which rattle windows, cause paintings to fall off the walls and jar you senseless.
c. Banshee screaming men roaming the streets as soon it is daylight screaming the words, "gas" and "water".
d. Barking dogs, crowing roosters, quacking ducks and geese, screeching parrots, honking car alarms, all going off simultaneously outside your bedroom window at all possible hours of the day or night.
4) You find the following events thrilling:
a. Stores that never open (ever) at their posted hours.
b. Stores that never, ever post their hours.
c. Stores that will only carry a certain item once a year or never again as long as you both shall live.
d. Stores that play wild music so loudly that when your wife asks you something you can see her mouth move but hear nothing coming out of it.
5) You desire to move to Mexico is because:
a. You want to live in an established American expat community where Mexicans, like slaves, wait on you hand and foot for the rest of your life.
b. You want to help Americanize another Mexican town with all your American pathologies until the town is unrecognizable as Mexican.
c. You are on the lam from the law in more than one country for income tax evasion.
d. You want to help drive up the prices of real estate until no Mexicans living or who have ever lived could possibly afford to live in their own town.
Please answer all of these questions as honestly as possible and forward them to The President of the Republic of Mexico (whoever that turns out to be) in care of Mexico City, Mexico.
Your expatriation depends on it!
tm
1) The following will make you run screaming for the nearest taxi to get you to the airport for an emergency airlift back to the U.S.A.:
a. Large mountainous piles of dog poop on the sidewalks.
b. Pickup trucks parked in front of butcher shops with partially slaughtered, bloodied meat in the back.
c. Men, women, and children placing the snout of a pig onto a flour or corn tortilla, wrapping it, and then consuming it while making loud smacking and squishing sounds.
d. All the above.
2) The following will incite you to flapping your arms like a deranged windmill, cursing madly, and lecturing Mexicans in English (which they probably cannot comprehend):
a. Seeing a Mexican mother serving her child a taco for breakfast rather than Special K cereal with skim milk.
b. Seeing Mexicans eating a Styrofoam plate filled with refried beans, topped with the most virulent chilies, and chips morning, noon, and night.
c. Witnessing the rolling corn-on-the-cob shack woman slathering copious amounts of FAT FULL mayonnaise on corn on the cob and then stuffing it into the mouth of a 2-year-old.
d. None of the above since you come from America where more than 67% of the population is fatter than hogs and so what the hell do you know about good nutrition anyway!
3) You can tolerate the following without needing massive amounts of tranquilizers or an open-ended Prozac prescription:
a. Invisible marching drummer and bugle bands that you can hear every night starting at 7:30 p.m., playing the same hideously repetitive tune, from another dimension that is bleeding over into your reality (you hear them but they cannot ever be seen!).
b. Warfare-grade explosives being set off during the day or night for the advent of a fiesta which rattle windows, cause paintings to fall off the walls and jar you senseless.
c. Banshee screaming men roaming the streets as soon it is daylight screaming the words, "gas" and "water".
d. Barking dogs, crowing roosters, quacking ducks and geese, screeching parrots, honking car alarms, all going off simultaneously outside your bedroom window at all possible hours of the day or night.
4) You find the following events thrilling:
a. Stores that never open (ever) at their posted hours.
b. Stores that never, ever post their hours.
c. Stores that will only carry a certain item once a year or never again as long as you both shall live.
d. Stores that play wild music so loudly that when your wife asks you something you can see her mouth move but hear nothing coming out of it.
5) You desire to move to Mexico is because:
a. You want to live in an established American expat community where Mexicans, like slaves, wait on you hand and foot for the rest of your life.
b. You want to help Americanize another Mexican town with all your American pathologies until the town is unrecognizable as Mexican.
c. You are on the lam from the law in more than one country for income tax evasion.
d. You want to help drive up the prices of real estate until no Mexicans living or who have ever lived could possibly afford to live in their own town.
Please answer all of these questions as honestly as possible and forward them to The President of the Republic of Mexico (whoever that turns out to be) in care of Mexico City, Mexico.
Your expatriation depends on it!
tm
Related Tags: spanish, mexico, guanajuato, live mexico, study spanish, retire mexico, san miguel de allende
THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT LIVING IN MEXICO
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- The No. 1 Rule For Projecting Confidence - Speak With Authority
One of the most important characteristics a person can project in a business setting - or any situat - After the Autumn Checkout European Debt Crisis and U.S. Brewing Rebound
In the commotion caused by the Fed on interest rates come to an end, the "disastrous" for the euro a - Advantages Of Arcade Game Rentals
There are many different advantages to arcade game rentals. Most people need something to release th - A General Primer on Truck Cargo Nets
In modern highways it is quite rare to see truck cargo nets in action, this is because they are usua - The United States Will Burst More Severe Financial Crisis
Not long ago, suddenly announced that the central bank to raise interest rates, the interest rate hi - Niche Marketing Profits - 3 Easy Steps to Finding a Profitable Niche Market Income in 10 Minutes
Like most beginners I was having a very difficult time trying to find a niche market to earn extra m - The Importance of Hospitality Management Consulting Firms Toronto
Businesses and the managers that help guide any business are in a constant state of improvement and - New Keynesian Theory Label
2010 winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics three theories have been labeled as "New Keynesian" labe - Federal Reserve Pouring Money QE2 Unpredictable Fortune
U.S. economist Milton Friedman proposed a "throw the cash from a helicopter" view, while the practic - Fiscal Consolidation Should no Longer Delay
British Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne today announced fiscal consolidation policy, shoc
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Common Financial Problems to Avoid
One must first change their habits and not procrastinate. American Consultants Inc at offers key fi - How a Bad Hire Can Hurt Your Business
What's worse - hiring the wrong person or not hiring anyone at all? Companies can become almost des - Joel Comm Is Dr. Adsense
What is Adsense? If you are new to making money online and net marketing, you may not know what Ads - 5 Steps For A Dynamic Wealth System Online
Recipe: Opportunity + knowledge + Dynamic Wealth System + Your Action = Massive Success!!! Step 1 - How To Stop Foreclosure
Losing your house to a foreclosure can be very scary. There are times when circumstances are ou - How to Always Pitch A Strike
As business owners, we are always working on new ways to convince people to become customers, client - Membrane Diffuser Solutions for Wastewater Treatment Systems
In the aeration basin of a typical wastewater treatment plant there are both organic and inorganic m - Another Year Hating Your Job or Loving Life?
Copyright © 2007 Mary Foley I've come to the conclusion that to be successful - really successf - Dyestuff Industry In India And China
World demand for dyes and organic pigments to touch $10.6 billion in 2008According to a study on dye - Cma-cgm Case : the Series of Lawsuits Continues in Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, France, England and the United States
Damietta company case : The series of lawsuits continues in Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, France, England a