Your Teen Hates You - What now?
Your teen is out of control. They are addicted to drugs, violent, or promiscuous, but most importantly they are going to do long term damage if nothing is done. You’ve tried talking however it ends up in a screaming war. You’ve tried discipline but your teen either completely disregards it or opposes it violently. It’s clear that they are going to crash and burn without a major change. You’ve researched different professional options; residential treatment centers, boot camps, military school, or wilderness therapy. By sending your child away you will make them very angry. If you do nothing they will end up in the morgue as a victim of an overdose or violence. You decide that making your child angry in the short term is far better then the alternative. Once you make this decision how do you avoid being hated by your teen? This article will discuss ways you can minimize the animosity from your child when you send them away.
First, let’s go over the fundamentals. Your teen was already embittered, confused, or angry before you sent them away. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have been so dedicated to their rebellious behavior. They’ve been hurt deeply by something. You may know what the ‘something’ is and you may not. That doesn’t change the fact that your teen is experiencing these feelings. Are they justified? Maybe. Is your teen trying to cope with the feelings the best way they know how? Probably. Avoiding their anger altogether may be futile but we can shorten the intensity and duration by doing some things right.
The first major step is to be honest with your teen. The day they are taken away they will want to hurt you in some way; either emotionally or physically. It will be hard but if you can be present when your teen is enrolled or escorted from your home it means a lot to them. They might be saying the meanest things you’ve ever heard but you being there will let them know that this is hard for you too. It sends the message that you care about them. Avoiding this first step is tempting but don’t do it.
Once your child has settled in to their new environment they will want to know one thing: When will I be coming home? They will ask you again and again. They will make deals and try to negotiate exact times to know when they will be coming home. Every therapist is different, but they tend to avoid giving exact dates; especially in the beginning. When an exact date is given early on that date becomes the daily focus of your teen. The worst thing you can do is give them a date of any kind. Under the pressure from your teen it will seem harmless to give them a time line. The real problem occurs when that time or date comes and goes and they are still in treatment. These times are the very hardest on your teen. Sincere, hard working teens will lose hope and become very angry. To avoid this don’t make any kind of promises about return dates. Don’t even hint at a time.
The last area to be careful about is the way you show your teen that you love them. Your teen will look forward to any kind of correspondence from you. At first, some teens will throw your letters away as a way to vent their anger. But as time goes on they look forward to everything you write. Make sure to write often and include meaningful messages that will encourage their growth. One mistake some parents make is over doing the gift giving. Your gifts should be small and meaningful and never be given as a means to buy your child’s good will. It’s nice to give them the newest iPod or video game system but don’t do it unless your intentions are pure. There are two extremes when interacting with your child when they are away. Don’t neglect them and don’t over due the gift giving and you’ll be just fine.
As a parent you are probably feeling angry and betrayed too. Unfortunately, it might be some time before your teen can fully appreciate your feelings. When they finally do it might be long into the future. At least you’ll know you did the very best you could.
Tammy Ryan received her BA in Family and Human Development from Utah State University and is the owner of Residential Treatment Center Review.com.
She has worked at wilderness therapy camps and residential treatment centers for several years. Tammy lives in Orem, Utah with her husband and two daughters. Read more articles like Wilderness program for youth and Drug Residential Treatment Centers.
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- Where to Look for Babysitter Jobs
Whether you are new to the world of babysitting or you are an experienced childcare specialist, you - Autograph (life is a Sweet Problem) Just Solve it
AUTOGRAPH( Life is a Sweet Problem) (Just solve it) The problem can be defined as a doubtful - Dangerous Cosmetics and Teenage Girls. Don't Mix the Two
Many people are not aware that many big name brands of cosmetics contain ingredients that are extre - Brotherly Love: Keep it That Way
This is my first article pertaining to relationships. It's such an important topic however that I f - What Jobs Can You Find for 14 Year Olds
When you are 14/15 ,you may need more pocket money to buy what you like. But ,how can you earn mone - Gift Basket Ideas for Teenagers
Giving gifts to teens can be easy or hard really depending on your teenager and what they might be - How to Make Love
How to make your husband feel like you love himHow to Make LoveMake LoveOnce you realise that it is - Why Teens Play the Choking Game
The Choking Game also know as the Fainting Game, Space Monkey, Airplaning, Funky Chicken and a numb - A Perfect Natural Swimming Pool
Just imagine that you are relaxing near an eco-friendly natural swimming pool. How cool it will be - How to Find Jobs to Make Extra Money When You are a Teenager
Are you trying to make a little extra money for that iPod you want, or saving some money for your f
Most viewed articles in this category:
- The Complete Solution Of Troubled Teens
3rd June 2006, Many parents find that dealing with troubled teens is becoming increasingly challengi - Best Acne Treatment For Teenagers
There are several criteria for acne treatments for teenagers. Number one - they must have a high rat - Teen And Adolescene Acne
At least 90% of adolescents have acne — it affects teens of every size and shape, in every cou - The Hidden Effects of Childhood Maltreatment and How Life Coaching Can Help
Violence against women is one of the primary health problems facing adults today. Many people are no - Story Behind Troubled Teens
Troubled teens are young adults those are rejecting their heritage, rebelling against parental autho - Understanding Acne In Puberty Stage
Puberty acne develops from a few simple steps. First, teenage acne occurs when for some unknown reas - Symptoms of Teens depression
20th June 2006 , Although most parents say they would recognize depression in their own children, fe - Your Teens and Their Schools
9th June 2006 , Many students who, for one reason or another, are not succeeding in regular public s - Adopted Teens Behaviors
It can be difficult to know if your adopted teen's anger is normal and within the range of typical t - The Relation between Troubled Teens and Parents
"Many parents know they have a troubled teen on there hands, as these warning signs will help t