Unncoupled, What Next? How Can Divorced And Widowed People Move On From Stinking Thinking
Resentment, anger, a feeling of rejection and lowered self-worth are the downside of being alone. However, choosing to look on singleness as a new opportunity to begin again is a healthy choice. A changed attitude can put an end to the loneliness. Walking away from the longing for what used to be and the pain of past mistakes is a positive decision. Grandmas, "Don't cry over spilt milk!" suddenly takes on new wisdom.
Terry -Cole Whittaker, author of: WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS says, "Before we can ever be loved, respected, supported, and adored by another, we must be loving, respectful and supportive of ourselves."
She goes on, "The secret of life is that you must unconditionally love and accept yourself as a capable and magnificent being who willingly accepts the abundance of God's gifts in all areas of your life."
It is not a simple task to come to know oneself.
How do we begin to accept ourselves as lovable, worthwhile beings when the other half of us has died or left us? never, as long as we look upon ourselves as incomplete, alone. Rather, we must recognize that we are a child of God, His possession, and His creation. We are the canvas painted by the Hand of God. How can we not be a thing of beauty and value? God does not create junk! It is our attitude that erodes the work of art that God calls You and Me.
Recognizing, not just the face in the mirror, but the soul of who we really are, is the work of life. The times that we are alone, should be a time to redefine who and what we are alone, and is a step in healing that must be taken before deciding to become the other half of a twosome. A good self-image is essential.
The truth is, we are in control of our brain activity, believe it or not. Our "computer" does not input on its own. Its ability is only to record that which we feed it. Most of our lack of self-esteem is our own doing. (Wow, I'll bet you liked that one, I can feel the brickbats, now.)
When we find negative thoughts outweighing the positive, we must backspace and start again. Do we retrain "our computer" or do we just need an attitude adjustment, or both?
What can we do to move on?
First, we must recognize that a brain does not work independently. The thoughts that run through our brain are our doing, the good the bad and in-between.On average, we think 50,000 thoughts in a 24-hour time period. Make a list of all of the thoughts you can remember in a 15-minute time span and amaze yourself. Bet you couldn't keep up with your brain Were you telling yourself statements like: "I can't do that, I'll fail," "I wish I were pretty," "Look at that pimple, disgusting," "I need to lose weight," "I hate my hair!" "I can't get my gut into my trousers anymore," "The Boss is watching me, got to look busy." "Wonder if he liked my report, probably not!"
How do you feel now? Have you become a believer of the power of your thoughts? Making changes, a constructive move
Aside from changing the constant self-battering of our thoughts, we must take constructive steps to find something good about ourselves and bravely accept our failings. We should aim to meet new friends who will affirm us and be congenial company when we need affirmation. Learning to be more approachable will facilitate new friendships. Smile more.Outside of our job responsibilities, it is wise to volunteer for projects that merit our interest. Helping others, leads to building self-esteem and brings our hidden talents to our attention. We will meet new and interesting people who possibly have the same interests and values.Going to public functions like museums, car shows, watching or participating in a beachfront volleyball game, and other activities, gives us a new perspective on our relationship with humanity. We may discover we want to paint or draw or maybe join a softball team.Feeling the caress of nature, while taking a walk or a bike ride through a wildlife preserve, restores our connectedness with the universe. Again, new acquaintances can cause our life to feel more fullExpecting someone else to make us whole and happy will only lead to disappointment. When and if that special someone appears on the horizon, we want to be ready to present an aware, confident and independent self, fully identified as a whole person. But, enjoying our own company is a number one priority.
Related Tags: god, alone, divorced, widowed, self-esteem singleness
For more tips and tools to on how to survive divorce and loss and make healthy relationship choices you are invited to visit Butterflyintonewlife.com Patricia Hubbard has Facilitated a Support Group for Separated, Divorced and Widowed people for the past 11 years. She has been the writer/ producer of "SINGLES PERSPECTIVES" a newsletter for Single Friends in Christ, a social group for Singles in Virginia Beach. Besides her writing, coaching separated, divorced and widowed persons occupies most of her time.
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- How to Find a Russian Partner
A relationship developed online is a trend these days. Many men actually prefer to start a romantic - Things You Should Not Talk About on a First Date
First dates can be stressful, but they can also be a lot of fun. If you make the situation low press - Low-cost Dating Tips To Suit Your Tastes
Dating has always been an expensive affair. However, if you're running on a drawstring budget, then - How To Pick Up Girls - The Art Of Approaching Women
So, you want to learn the art of picking up women, do you?Well, for one thing... it's not easy, at l - Real World Dating Advice For Men - How To Handle Your Insecurities Around Women
Feeling insecure around a woman is something that ALL men can kind of share in. Whether or not we sp - Are You Looking Forward To Make New Friends?
In today's fast paced life, phone has become an essential commodity. Everyone is busy in his daily s - Thai Girls Dating Online: Does It Help You
Thai girls are perceived that they are so sweet. Dating with nice Thai girls have been converted int - Become Happy With Ukrainian Dating Tips & Advice
It is about time you settled down or at least had more fun. Ukrainian dating and meeting Ukrainian w - Free Phone Chat- Revolutionary New Way To Make Boost Your Social Life
From online chatting to phone chat, the step is but a small one. Movies and books all portray fallin - Bad Boys Versus Good Guys - Why Women Are More Attracted To The Bad Men
I personally have had my share of bad boys in my lifetime and after many broken hearts and life less
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Dating: Gay Online Services
Gay online dating websites have already helped millions of people find their soul mate across the gl - Dating And How To Attract A New Love
Here are some easy rituals to attract a new love partner. There's an ancient east Asian concept cal - How to Have a Beautiful Relationship With a Girl
1. Things to already have and believeYou know who you are and believe in yourself and what you can o - Great First Dating Impressions
There are those who will offer you very old fashioned secrets to impressing single women for love an - The Secret Body Language Of Sexual Attraction
What body language in a female demonstrates sexual attraction? You'll know from my previous articles - The Phenomenon of Prickteasing
I love this topic right here. First let me say I draw the reference 'pricktease' from the movie ' - Attract Better Dates Like Magic
If you want to meet someone special, you have to get out of the house. But you can go out every sing - Dating For Singles
The desire to find a member of the opposite sex for a partner (we call it marriage nowadays) has bee - Dating After Divorce
Many single Christians are confused when it comes to dating after divorce, as each church seems to h - Online Dating Sims Games Bringing Realism To Dating
Online dating has become very popular and with so many members now interested in such sites the soci