Dating And Attraction- How A Positive Attitude Attracts Who You Want
When it came to dating, Mike repeated a habit of having a bad experience, and then compounded the problem by drawing the wrong conclusion for future behavior. Example: "I met a girl through the Internet. We seemed to hit it off. I took her to dinner and then she wouldn't return my calls. That's the last time I'm paying for anyone's dinner!"
Unattractive people often don't have a clue about their impact on others. They trample over feelings and think everyone is taking unfair advantage of them. Mike was in this category, blaming everything and everyone for women not being attracted to him.
Why is Mike having a problem? Here are some of the main reasons people are not attractive:
· Excessive self-promotion
Attraction and dating will not happen if you brag. We're not talking about being enthusiastic about your work and your life and sharing that excitement with others who want to listen. We're describing someone who brags about how much they own or how they are better than everyone else. They are smug and aloof about their accomplishments and possessions. This attitude is guaranteed to turn people off.
· Extreme apologizing
Not attracting and dating people can also happen when someone constantly apologizes for everything. This behavior is a form of self-sabotage. "I'm sorry I don't look good tonight." "Please forgive my old jacket-I need to buy a new one." "I have a bad hair day every day!" An absurd number of these apologetic remarks reflects a person who is seeking a bottomless pit of affirmation. It is impossible to give someone else that much reassurance. No one is attracted to one who has a lack of self-care and self-love.
· Conflicting messages
Attraction and dating can't happen when you are sending strong conflicting messages. If you do this you will drive people nuts with your "come here-go away" words and gestures. Example: "I love you more every day, AND, I saw my old girlfriend today. We talked a long time and I think I still have feelings for her." A relationship with anyone who does this will make a heart feel like a ping-pong ball.
· Abuse
Abusers can be attractive until their real self is revealed. Some are overt, and reveal themselves right away with angry temper tantrums. But more are covert, masking future abuse with big displays of gifts, affection, and subtle control. If someone has a history of physical or psychological abuse, is obsessive about your former relationships, and is attentive and needy to the point of not wanting you to spend time with family or friends, that person is sending you signals of problems to expect in the future.
Even though no one could tell it, Mike was actually a good guy. When he asked for honest feedback from friends, he discovered what he did to offend people. He was stunned to learn how he hurt the feelings of others. With this input, he was able to adjust his behavior, which changed how people responded to him.
Everyone is starting to like Mike now. Mike is becoming more attractive. Mike is finally dating.
Related Tags: attraction, dating, positive attitude, attracting, attractive
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
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