As men, we have been conditioned: to be the alpha male, to know what we want, to be the hunter and provider, to have the answers, to be strong, tough, and steady. Unfortunately, this kind of attitude does not leave much room for tenderness and vulnerability. It's no wonder we have so much trouble in our relationships. It is ironic that being such a strong and decisive species, we can be very weak and indecisive when it comes to the woman we love.

Men as well as women have three powerful, dynamic forces at work inside themselves: the mind, the heart, and the soul. Figuring out whether we are truly in love with the woman we are with is difficult -- we cannot always differentiate between or understand the energy from these forces.

The Mind This computer commonly referred to as our brain is the driving force behind our behaviors. It is also the source of the voice called the Chatterbox. Depending on how we program the mind, the Chatterbox will influence perceptions, beliefs, rationalization, judgment, actions, and desires. It can be loud at times, consuming our attention and creating mental conflict and confusion.

When involved in a relationship, the Chatterbox may create three mind viruses: fears, distorted perspectives, and unrealistic expectations. The negative energy generated by these viruses causes relationship problems. It creates conditions in which we will not think clearly, trust ourselves, or distinguish between love, addiction, and infatuation.

The Heart The heart is soft tissue that tears easily, yet is the strongest muscle in the body. It is also the second force behind many of the problems we have in relationships. When the soft tissue is dominant, we show romance, tenderness, and understanding. When the muscle is strong, we behave like body armored soldiers standing guard to protect ourselves. No wonder women find us so confusing.

We have been conditioned to focus on the strong side of the heart, denying that we want to be soft, tender, and loving. When we become involved in a relationship with a woman - letting that soft side dominate -- and she hurts or disappoints us, we become reactive warriors, toughening the muscle and standing guard. After a few such instances, the denial grows stronger and the soft side becomes more difficult to access.

The Soul The soul is the inner voice, the energy that resonates deep within ourselves and affects us in a profound way. We do not know how to listen to, or do not trust, this energy source. The soul is instinct, intuition, and subconscious. We cannot quite put a finger on it. If we allow ourselves, we can feel the vibrations of this energy.

When we become conflicted in relationships, it is often because the mind says one thing and the heart says another. We try to find a solution with the mind or react with the heart. It is confusing and painful to find ourselves caught in the middle of these two dynamic forces that send out conflicting messages.

The soul receives energy from both the mind and heart. If we can learn to listen to the inner voice, the soul can be the arbitrator between the two. We must learn to listen, hear, and trust that inner voice -- it is never wrong.

Imagine you have learned how to listen to your inner voice, and you hear it tell you that you are in love with a woman. However, your mind is still chattering loudly with fears and your heart remains on guard. Read the list below and consider which of the statements apply to you. If most of them resonate powerfully with you, try to quiet your mind, relax your heart, and listen to your inner voice.

You are in love with the woman you are with when: • You are inspired to make her smile every day
• You give her a gift and it fills you with happiness
• You look in her eyes and feel a jolt of positive energy
• You are inspired to make her feel safe and loved
• You desire and are filled with joy from her affection
• You do just about anything to take care of her
• You are inspired to be the best you can be
• You are dedicated to the success of the relationship
• You look at her and profoundly know that you are home
• You look at her and your soul is at peace