This article is intended solely for unscrupulous car salespeople. If you are an honest car dealer or a consumer, please do not read any further, as you will most likely be insulted.

For those of you salespeople who are ready to manipulate your customers and make as much money as possible off them, please read on.

The Car Salesperson's Greatest Enemy

Selling used cars was once a golden opportunity. In the 1970s, 80s, and even early 90s, it was possible for a high school drop out with a little personality and the ability to bypass moral roadblocks to make over $100,000 a year.

I heard a joke about it once:

A parrot flies into the bar. He lands on the shoulder of a wealthy looking man.

The parrot asks, "What's your IQ?"

The wealthy man says, "170."

The parrot asks, "How many trials have you won this month?"

He flies off and finds someone who is dressed even better. She is loaded with diamonds all around and a Gucci purse.

Again, the parrot asks, "What's your IQ?"

She says, "180."

The parrot asks, "How many operations have you done this month?"

The parrot flies up and spots a man who looks like a million bucks. He has a tailored Italian suite, bling all over him and bodyguard.

"What's your IQ, rich guy?" the parrot asks.

The man smiles a gold toothed smile and says, "80."

The parrot asks, "How many cars have you sold this month?"


In today's market, it's tough to find a salesperson breaking $50,000 a year. The greatest enemy of a deceitful car salesperson is the Internet. There is too much information out there. People can look up their trade values at sites like Kelley Blue Book.

They can view local or national listings of cars by the thousands with pictures, details, and prices at sites like New York City Used Cars.

They can get vehicle history reports at Carfax.

Even honest dealers are hurting the unscrupulous salespeople by allowing customers to purchase vehicles and do everything at once from their computer and over the phone. Dealers like Oklahoma City Used Cars are making it harder for high-grossing salespeople to earn their living.

The Car Salesperson's Greatest Asset

It is ironic, but in this age of information where consumers have access to just about everything that the car salesperson knows, there is still one major flaw that can be exploited.

There is TOO much information out there! Everything has a spin. A salesperson who really wants to make money will find those websites that help them overcome the intelligent Internet shopper's objections.

Here are some of the things that you can do:

1) If they have a trade, go to all of the trade evaluation sites and find the one that has the lowest amount.

2) If they think you're priced too high, repeat tip one, but look for the highest value instead of the lowest for the car you're selling.

3) Send emails to everyone all the time. People love receiving emails from car salesmen. After you send the emails, call them and tell them you sent an email. They love this as well.

4) If they find something negative on the history report, search for articles that debunk the history reporting system and print them for the customers so they know that vehicle history reports are not accurate.

5) If the Carfax looks good, but the customer has an article that debunks the accuracy of a vehicle history report, point to the disclaimer and tell them that Carfax guarantees accuracy.

6) If they say that the Internet price was lower than the price you quoted, tell them that someone has been hacking into the system. If they are persistent, sidestep the question or switch them to a different car.

7) Have someone make a website that spreads rumors about your competitors. When a customer comes in and says they want to go to or have been to a competitor, show them the website you had created depicting the competitor as evil.

8) Post on forums and blogs that "Competitor A" does something really bad. People will believe anything they read on the internet, so if you post (using a fake name) that Competitor A is a known drug dealer and that Competitor B helps to fund terrorism, people will stop going to them.

9) Find a free auto classified site and make up an account. Post a fictional car similar to one of yours but priced much higher. Print it out and show it to your customers.

10) If there is anything not covered here that is Internet related, tell the customers that there is a virus going around.

So cheer up my corrupted sales friends. Together we will sway the balance of power back towards the cause of profits and the fabled high life of lore.

If you are an honest salesperson or a consumer, please disregard everything that you just read. It was designed for entertainment purposes only.