The Terror of Forgiveness


by Warren Cooley - Date: 2007-01-02 - Word Count: 498 Share This!

By coincidence, recently I had two gripping conversations with close friends in difficult times of their lives. In both cases, at the root of their difficulties was the inability to love, specifically the inability to love them selves enough to forgive.

We all carry baggage, scares of expectations not met. In the case of my friends, it had to do with their parents. Each told me over the years, they had been to dozens of counseling sessions and had been advised to confront their parents with their sorrow and list of expectations not met. Neither had been able to find the means to make this tremendous emotional effort. Over the years, the parents had grown older and frailer making any confrontation ultimately more painful and difficult. This situation has left both my friends increasingly desperate for a way to easy their own pain while their parents are still alive. Equally they are contorted by the thought of their parent passing on without a resolution. The thought promises the potential for a lifetime of pain without hope of relief. I think this is a situation we all face to one extent or another.

Forgiveness provides an alternative remedy. Although this remedy is completely within our control and requires no painful confrontation or attempted reconciliation it is incredibly difficult. As one of my friends said, "Forgiving implies that I lost and I am not ready to give up". It is true forgiving does imply loss or surrender but looking more deeply at what is lost holds the promise of a new view, freedom, and liberation.

If we perceive ourselves as being injured and thereby unwilling to forgive, we are locked in a struggle with the other, the dialectic of retribution. There is only one alternative forward and that is to continue the struggle. We are posed to either defend or lash out, locked as a marble statue, rigid and brittle. Amazingly, for my friends this is a more comfortable position and in spite of the years of suffering. It is safer to remain locked in struggle then to forgive, break the pose and seek an alternative to continuing to suffer.

This is not uncharacteristic. We can see humans acting in this manner all around us. Our world, cities and neighborhoods are infected with people locked in a struggle not to forgive. Many would seemingly die or kill them selves slowly then forgive and move forward.

It begs the question why? Why not forgive? Because to do so, leaves one without suffering to protect from the responsibility for actualizing our own human potential. We do not have to step up to working on becoming a whole human being, a human being in love with him or her self, humanity and the earth. By not forgiving we are inoculated from the responsibility of maturity. There is nothing that requires more courage then to stand face God and accept the responsibility of becoming all that we can. It is so terrifying that suffering a life away seems easier.


Related Tags: relationships, love, education, learning, teaching, human nature

About The Author: Warren Cooley is a professional educator, and the writer/creator and of www.loveaha.com. This unique social networking community explores the question: "what is love?" Registered members are people interested in building healthy emotional relationships based on a deeper understanding of love. Visit the LoveAha community and register free or try the "What Is Love" quiz. Get a FREE personalize email report revealing what you believe about love. www.loveaha.com/quiz

Your Article Search Directory : Find in Articles

© The article above is copyrighted by it's author. You're allowed to distribute this work according to the Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs license.
 

Recent articles in this category:



Most viewed articles in this category: