Ghouls, Witches and Hobgoblins - Wow what a marketing phenomenon!

So did you jump on the bandwagon and offer some Halloween specials? In fact have you started to think about your Christmas specials yet and are you already of one of the most important factors of success is to use language that influences people to want to buy?

Most successful companies at this time of year start to think about their sales plans and marketing budgets for next year since they want to kick start 2009 on the run. This means that the companies who really want 2009 to be amazing will already be contacting professionals to help them. So what will you do now to ensure your success?

If you have ever been involved in sales or selling then you may well relate to some of these - and hey please grow the list, I am sure there are a lot more out there that I have not even heard of!

1. Constantly being rejected on the phone especially when the receptionist who is in the middle of doing her nails is pissed off at yet another bloody sales person disturbing her preening routine and who may not actually believe her current line of bullshit about the customer being on a camping holiday with a couple of Eskimos!

2. Winning that big customer sale only to be asked by your boss - "so what are you going to sell today then?"

3. Janet in accounts just told everyone the sperm joke - "what's the difference between a sperm and a sales person - at least a sperm has a one-in-a-million chance of turning into a human being!"

4. Telling your boss that a sale is in the bag and then your customer goes on the missing list not returning phone calls, emails or any attempt at communication besides kidnapping - and then he doesn't have his check book!

5. You have spent months creating the ultimate solution, the customer is delighted and on installation day, Fred from the technical department infects their whole system with a virus, instead of installing the software.

6. All customers and prospects being basically bad, unreliable and malevolent people who use all sorts of clever and devious tricks to avoid speaking to you!

7. Your Mum finds out you're a low down crook of a sales person, she thought you had trained as a lawyer and you could legally cheat, swindle and tell lies.

8. You took a new sales job with great earning potential, sacrificing a great basic salary to find out that the company either doesn't have a product or the product is so crap, you spend your 3 weeks with the company in the "returns" department.

9. No-one and I mean no-one ever, ever returns your phone calls.

10. Everyone thinks that sales people never listen and you just happen to be the one in a hundred who actually does - yes really you do!

11. Not being appreciated, I mean come on, you in sales because you love the glory, you have a big ego and the commission check just isn't big enough yet to buy a Porsche so you can show off!

And if you thought that was all the bad news, well there's more, a couple of guys in Ireland have now launched a sales training course that teaches people how to Stop Selling and what's more, they only accept people on the course if they complete a qualification questionnaire.