This concept has always interested me. Women will complain about being 'hit on' all the time and guys will talk about 'hitting on' girls.

Some men even admit that there just IS no other way to approach women because you're a man so obviously you MUST be interested in her sexually.

This is a limiting belief as well.

What are the true relational dynamics that exist in this frame of reality? Let's take a look..

'Hitting on' implies that the man is interested in some way (usually sexually) and he is going to do something to try to impress her so that she'll be interested in him.

Unfortunately for most men, 'hitting on chicks' nowadays almost never works. Even for a man that has got 'game', it's usually the subculture of women who know they are in the game that will then assess his level of skill and congruency.

But for the majority of men in first world countries..

When a man approaches a woman, she can almost always tell if he is going to 'hit on' her.

In many cases he will even attempt to use 'pick-up lines'.

Women have become so adept at this after being approached by hundreds of different men (who all seem the same) that have 'hit on' them.

They've become very aware and keen on what is going on and can see it from a mile away.

They can tell from the man's nonverbal body language and communication that he is 'interested' in her and that she has the favor in the relationship because he's trying to 'get some'.

Is there any way around it? Actually, yes there is.

Remember in Swingers when 'T' talks about being the 'Rated R guy'?

While so many guys focus on 'the game', they're missing the most important key to success. If they could not play the 'game' and instead keep their own power to themselves, they could approach women invisibly and indifferent to the outcome.

The women would try and figure out where he's coming from and if he's interested or not because his body language is giving nothing away other than that he is comfortable in his own skin and not intimidated by her.

He's not trying to 'get some' or 'hit on her', in fact he is just making a connection and being social.

His body language is what is sending the right message and sometimes when women realize that he really isn't afraid of her or trying to get somewhere, the light will go on and they'll start responding to him (like they're suppposed to).

After all, it's the woman's level of interest anyways that determines if any kind of relationship will go forward.

But where are the men who use this powerful and invisible game? Women are looking for this man because they want to get caught up in the excitement and intrigue of it.

They're very tired of men coming up and hitting on them.

In the relationship where men hit on them, she has the power and favor and that's not what she wants. She wants a man who is equal or greater in relational power than her.

That way she can be attracted to him.

Yes, today's women live in a logical vs. natural instinctive paradox but don't blame them for it. Look at their actions instead of their words.

If you don't understand the root behavioral characteristics they represent, you'll continue to think women are illogical and you'll still probably think the only way is to give away your power and mystery up front so that you have to 'hit on' women.

And what about the guys who uncontrollably ARE interested in her sexually?

Well, that's the problem because they're giving their power away and ruining their (what becomes) 'chance' all along.

It's time that men harness an equal leverage of power that the woman has and gain some self-control because he actually may NOT be interested in her other characteristics.

This will require some de-programming and advanced training to actually change his reality from 'hitting on chicks', playing the 'game' and failing to one of attracting women and getting them consistently interested because he keeps his power for himself.

And do you notice how so many people call it 'getting lucky'. That entire frame is one where women have the power and control.

If you want success with women, YOU have to be the one who has the power and control in the relationship because that is what they are attracted to and words can't do it justice.

Know the truth and live it, don't get caught up in the socially contrived 'game'. Be the Rated 'R' guy who women can't figure out where you're coming from and get THEM interested in you.


-Rion Williams