The Secret Foundation of Any Relationship
More than likely, you would not. And if you did, you would soon regret the decision. It doesn't matter how perfect the house is otherwise. Without a sure foundation, the house will crumble eventually. The same can be said of a relationship built on differing values. At first, it may feel like you have finally arrived and found the perfect partner. However, if your values clash, that relationship also runs the high risk of crumbling.
Values in a relationship? What does that mean? Our values are the way we structure our life- our compass so to speak. You might value hard work, being honest, or making a difference in the world. Everyone is entitled to their own values. However, it is easy for your values to be incompatible with a potential partner. Can you see how the value of living a lavish lifestyle might clash with valuing thrift and thinking that money is the root of all evil? Neither value is necessarily right or wrong, but they are not compatible with each other. However, some values are absolute truths that must exist for any relationship to work. Things such as trust, honesty, and love for your partner must be something both partners value in order for the relationship to survive.
For example, Josh and his wife seem like the most mismatched couple you'll ever meet. He is short, analytical, and American. His wife is tall, Japanese, and talkative. She literally towers over him, and you wonder how they even met. Interestingly enough, they have a very fulfilling marriage. How? Because they have the same values. They both believe strongly in God and revolve their lives around their common religion. Both value family, and take great satisfaction in raising their kids together. Each of them values education and they worked together to both gain their degrees. These common values have served as a solid foundation for their seemingly impossible relationship.
So step back, and look at your values. Do they match your potential partner? Are you thinking you want someone who actually conflicts with what you need? Take the time to find out for yourself. It will be worth the time and effort. Your future happiness depends on it.
Related Tags: dating advice, dating, advice, relationship advice, finding mr. right, free relationship advice
Wendy Bridger, LMSW, relationship expert, speaker and author, is co-creator of "Get the Right Guy for the Real You" an online interactive course to position the single woman to attract and keep Mr. Right for life. Come join the fun at http://www.gettherightguyfortherealyou.com
Wendy is also available for speaking engagements on this topic and others. Check it out at http://www.wendybridger.com
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