On Self Transformation

by Margo Kirtikar Ph.D. - Date: 2006-12-02 - Word Count: 2037 Share This!

Have you ever wondered why it is easier for most people to submit and indulge in negative feelings rather than experience positive emotions even though we know we feel better when we are positive about life? I mean, it is so easy to be angry at people who annoy us or treat us badly, to be frustrated in situations not to our liking, to be jealous of someone who has what we don't have, to fall into a depressed state of mind when life doesn't give us what we want. It is so easy to hate people, situations, places even ourselves. We don't usually need to be reminded to feel any of those negative vibrations that we know are harmful to us and no matter how many times we are told, how many books we read or how many workshops we attend, that tell us to avoid these feelings, to get rid of them, we continue to feel helpless and allow ourselves to be consumed body, mind and soul by our negative emotional habits.

Some of us it seems are born with more of these negative feelings ingrained in us, and others less while others, the very few, with none at all. These few are blessed at birth with the inner ability to turn every sour situation into 'lemonade' as the old saying goes. They have a healthy and free disposition, they see the world through pink colored glasses, so they overlook the ugly and see the beauty in everything. Others are well equipped with a healthy sense of humor so they see the funny side in everything. Perhaps it depends on how old the soul is, perhaps it depends on how much work has been done in past incarnations, who knows. What we know is that the majority of us do have to struggle with our lower emotions, our insecurities and what we call negative energies. The energies that make us feel bad. There is no other way to say it. Our negative feelings not only make us feel bad but they make us ill physically and mentally as well.

Some schools of training tell us to suppress our negative feelings, keep them in check, ignore or control them. We're told it is harmful for us to pollute the atmosphere with our negative energies, it is not fair to dish out our negativity on to others and so on. So we learn to swallow our anger or hate and pretend otherwise and let the negative vibrations fester in our bodies. We suppress these feelings to such an extent and for so long until our physical body rebels and we end up with headaches and backaches or in worse cases with cancer, or then our mind rebels and we sink into a deep depression or in a much worse scenario develop a mental imbalance ending with schizophrenia.

Then we visit other workshops or read other books and here they tell us to vent our negative feelings, give our anger a voice, to let loose and to get all this negativity out of our system regardless of what effect it has on others. 'Say it how it is, shout, scream do whatever it takes to vent your anger! You have a right to get it out of your system.' How many people or families do you know who go through life communicating with each other through fighting and screaming at each other. They think it is good and healthy to scream, or even necessary perhaps. Or they just don't know of any other way to communicate. Have you ever been at the receiving end of people who follow this route?

I have and I assure you it is not fun at all. Some years back, I was at the receiving end of an angry frustrated woman who had just arrived for the first time in a Buddhist monastery. I was already there for three weeks meditating in silence. As you might know it is customary to share duties in monasteries and my duty for that day was to be the head of a team in the kitchen to prepare lunch for 35 people, monks and guests. I had three assistants and this woman offered to peel the potatos. Half an hour later a monk popped his head in the door and informed us that there would be ten more people for lunch. Naturally this meant more potatos! I went down to the cellar to get more potatos, which I added to the pile that this woman was so far quietly peeling. I mistakenly assumed she was in meditation while peeling but I was wrong. I had no idea just how wrong I was. She was instead fuming inside. She turned around to me suddenly and screamed at the top of her voice, eyes spitting fire at me, 'who the hell do you think you are? Why should I be peeling all the potatos?' (she had forgotten that she herself had offered to do that.) She threw the knife down and screamed some more abuses to her heart's delight. I and the two other women there, froze with shock, our mouths dropped open and our eyes grew wide with astonishment at this outbreak! So uncalled for and not customary at all in a monastery! She then stomped off making a lot of noise, and banged the door behind her leaving us behind shaking in confusion as if a volcano had erupted. It took us a while and me longer since the arrows of her anger energy were focused in my direction. My body was hurting all over as if I'd been physically hit. We pulled ourselves together eventually to continue with our work and we shared the peeling of potatos without a word. Half an hour later this same woman walks into the kitchen, beaming, smiling showing all her teeth, and says to me: 'I feel much better now, I'm rid of my aggression, what shall I do now?' I could not believe it. No apology she didn't even realize what she had done. All I could say to her was 'I'm sorry but the kitchen is polluted and the food probably as well with your angry energy, please leave the kitchen and leave us be, we really need to finish lunch on time.' I could not risk another outbreak from her and frankly there was so much bad energy emanating from her I could not bear to be near her. I avoided her for the rest of the two weeks she was there but held no grudge nor resentment against her. On the contrary I felt sorry for her as I realized that she was probably acting out her anger as she had been told to do plus this was her first time in a monastery and had never done any meditation! So although I had empathy with her and forgave her I decided it was wise for me to stay far away from her.

The thing is neither of the above approaches work really, not suppression of the negative emotions nor the indiscriminate venting out of emotions either, both are damaging to self and others. Both lead to more pain and turmoil. So what to do?

The answer is transforming the energies of emotions that make us feel bad to emotions that make us feel good. We do that by acknowledging the feelings we have, whatever they may be, understand them and then rather than allowing these emotions to rule us we make a conscious decision to make use of them in a creative way. Lightly said, not easily done I agree. Of course, it is difficult but not impossible, I've gone through the procedure myself. It works. To take the first steps we first need to become aware, we need to become self aware, conscious human beings. We need to wake up from our sleep-like existence of being slaves to our thought patterns, physical habits and lower passions. We need to discover and understand ourselves, who we are; what we think and why we think the way we do, and to become aware of our behavior and why we act the way we do. To do this we need to learn to take a step away from ourselves, to become the observer. We learn to observe, watch and monitor ourselves. This is a long term process and the results can be measured only in very little doses at first. With self discipline, persistence and the right training, coaching or guidance, it is possible to transform the self, to grow, to expand in consciousness, to develop our character, to be better and more valuable human beings, valuable to ourselves, our families and friends, valuable and contributing to the society at large. We can be all of that with less negativity in our being. A lotof negativity comes from inner insecurities. With less negativity we can communicate easier, we can feel empathy, we have understanding for the faults of others, we have respect, we are patient and hopefully we have a sprinkle of a sense of humor. Life is difficult without that little pinch of sense of humor so we can laugh at the most absurd situations we put ourselves in.

The energy of anger is as potent and powerful as the sex energy for example, with this energy rather than wasting it by spending it uselessly with screaming or trashing our weight about, spreading bad poisonous juices to every cell of our body, we can learn to consciously transform this energy to use it creatively, we energize ourselves, so we can literally move mountains and create the impossible. It does not really matter what we are involved with, this extra burst of powerful energy will help us to do it faster and better. This could be gardening, writing, creating art, baking, clearing out the attic, tidying up paper work, running, exercising, start a new project, come up with a fantastic marketing idea or sales program, energize your team at work to new heights, the list goes on and on. The energy of fear, for example, can be replaced with the energy of love, the more we fill our heart and being with love, love for ourselves and for others, and the more knowledge we have of any situation, the less fear we will feel, the less anxiety we will suffer. The destructive energies of resentment and hate can be replaced with the healing energies of understanding and forgiveness. Energies of despondency, depression, hopelessness can be replaced with enthusiasm, curiosity, hope and relaxation to recharge the body with energy and health. There are many ways to do this, many books to tell us how, many workshops, coaches and therapists who can help, each in their own method. So your coach or guide and the best method that works best for you. Only the few have the ability to do this alone, most of us are in need of help and guidance and support on this path.

Do you spend your days, day in day out repeating your patterns, spend your time complaining and gossiping about others, full of fear, hate, anger, envy and resentments? Do you worry a lot or do you get anxious whenever there is a little problem? Are you as a rule unhappy or just dissatisfied with the way things are? If you answer yes to any of these then every day that you postpone to take these steps towards self transformation is a day wasted. So if you suffer from any of the above mentioned negative symptoms begin right away, take the first step, it is never too late. Watch your whole life transform for the better once you make this decision. Watch how your life transforms in quality. The DESIRE or the WISH to move on to take this path is the golden key. Once you've stated your desire and taken the first action, you have started the wheel turning, and from there it goes on by itself. One step will lead you to the next, it's as simple as that. You'll soon be wondering why you didn't do this before and why you've waited so long to wake up. www.visionsunusual.com www.mindempowerment.net margo@visionsunusual.com

* Filed by mkirtikarphd at 9:50 dec 2, 2006

Related Tags: energy, desire, life, quality, growth, self, positive, wish, negative, transformation

Margo is a spiritual coach coaches and guides people towards self transformation to experience a higher quality of life.

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