If you have recently undergone a divorce, you might be shocked when you are confiding your sense of loss to a friend, who then turns to you, and simpers, "Just get over it".

Quite frankly, it's unrealistic for any person who has undergone a trauma to simply "get over it". Yet many people do expect that after the divorce is final, the divorcee should simply rebound into the social sphere, perky and poised. Reality check! It will take time to heal. Having said this, there are things you can do, to help yourself move forward.

1. Be Gentle with Yourself

Be aware that in your journey forward, there will be some steps backwards along the way. When a setback happens, for example, you become emotional at a family reunion, accept your feelings as legitimate and in fact, a necessary part of the healing process.

2. Express your Appreciation

Before you go to sleep each night, express your appreciation for all that you have. You may possess a lot of anger and sorrow. However, by concentrating your thoughts on your blessings, you can adopt, at least temporarily, a positive frame of reference.

3. Don't Rush the Natural Order of Things

If you feel ready to re-enter the social scene immediately after your divorce is final, and you know what you are seeking in a dating partner, congratulations! If you don't feel ready 6 months subsequent to the finalization of your divorce, that's okay, as well. However, if a year elapses and you are still reluctant to try dating, you may need a gentle nudge from a trusted friend.

4. Challenge Yourself with a Completely New Creative Outlet

You might think that you have no creative skills, for example, you can't draw or paint. Try a pottery class, or belly dancing. There are many venues for the expression of creativity, try something completely novel.

5. Surround Yourself with Positivism

Do what you can to try to ensure that your environment emits positivism. This may mean switching from the blues on your radio to a cheery Hawaiian radio channel or buying a brand-new calendar with pictures of sunflower and inspirational phrases contained in every month. Keep positive images in your line of vision.

6. Connect with Others Who Can Relate

Connect with women and men as well, who can relate to your experience and share in the new experiences that you will face. For example, if you are shy about re-entering the dating scene, you will need a "partner-in-crime". If you don't know any persons that are in the same situation as yourself, make new friends by joining a local divorce support group.

7. Take Care of Yourself

If you have children, you are probably focused on taking care of your children, however, don't neglect yourself. This means eating healthfully, getting sufficient sleep and proper exercise. Even on those days when you feel down, make sure your hair is nicely styled and you put a smile on your face. Throw your shoulders back. You should be proud of yourself for being the beautiful, strong and capable woman that you truly are.

8. Live Well

It is commonly said that the best revenge is "living well". Show your ex that you can live a good life without him, and live well! Determine what makes you happy and… do it! For example, after my own divorce, I attended Phantom of the Opera with a friend. It was so uplifting, and I was in disbelief that I had not attended a musical for over a decade. I promised myself to attend a musical on a regular basis thereafter.

Above all else, concentrate on tomorrow rather than yesterday and continue moving forward to a future with abundance and happiness.