Confidence Killer (2) - The Search for Perfection
You should be saying to yourself every morning: Today is a new day and I am fortunate to see it. Yesterday is gone. I can do nothing about it and tomorrow might never come. I will live today to the fullest because it could be my last. It might surprise you how much could be achieved in your life with such a positive perspective because you will take nothing for granted. However, some people are still reluctant to make the most of their day because they want a perfect time to do it.
One of the biggest confidence killers is our desire to be perfect beings. But the real question is: When we have reached perfection, what happens next? Where else do we go? Do we stop dead? Do we say: that's enough? Do we cease to grow and develop, fossilising where we are? There is nothing beyond perfection but a vast chasm of inactivity and stagnation. Perfection allows us to put off decisions we should make immediately so that we don't have to do anything at all. Behind the interminable wait for the 'right' time is an unconscious desire to do nothing, because some good fortune (or someone) will come along to put it right and everything will be exactly as we hoped without us having to lift a finger!
Ruled by Fear
However, every time we put off a decision till the time is 'right', or until conditions are 'perfect', we mentally store it away and do nothing because we are being ruled by fear. We may pretend we are doing all we can to bring about a result, but the very act of procrastination, of needless delay, is an admission of our reluctance to see it through; a powerful pointer to our inner fears of both failure and its consequences, of our discomfort with the thought and our unpreparedness for it. On these occasions, 'good' reasons are mere excuses and they are never in short supply.
Anything to be done must be done TODAY, not tomorrow or next year, but today, even if it is only the first step in the process. By taking the necessary steps toward our desires, other things will fall into place. Even if it is to talk it over with someone, that is one step taken. At least we can have another opinion from someone encouraging. It is foolhardy to put off something until next week when, realistically, we may not be around then. We could have gone to meet our Maker! Our circumstances could change dramatically in so many ways: a lot being possible in an hour, let alone a week. Unless we are planning a particular campaign, where other elements have to be included over a specific time, there is no reason to delay.
When we knowingly put off actions we believe we have to take, we are really admitting that we haven't got the necessary confidence or courage to carry them out. By convincing ourself there is a perfect time for action, we fail to achieve what we want tomorrow because we never make a start today! As our achievements diminish through inaction, we become more and more demoralised, devalued and detached from reality.
Perfectionism prevents us from coping with setbacks too. We find it difficult to deal with negative results because we expect to get it right first time. We do not allow for mistakes either. Yet it is through mistakes that we advance to present positions. Without mistakes we would not be sure we were doing the right thing, but many get hung up on personal mistakes and extend this intolerance to colleagues and subordinates, becoming harshly critical when they make mistakes too.
The Need for Excellence
We do avoid more mistakes as we become experienced, but our fallibility ensures that we are forever growing, developing and always aiming for new heights of attainment, I:e excellence, which is achieved mainly through much experiment and repetition. We all can excel at what we do because there is no perfect position. No matter what we have achieved, it is guaranteed that, over time, someone else will improve on it or replace it totally with something more exciting and wondrous.
The desire to be perfect keeps us in a rigid straitjacket giving us a tunnel vision which excludes everything to the left and right of us while we concentrate intently on what is directly ahead. Because this vision is so limited, we cannot see all round. We miss other available opportunities, while others - not being so cursed - take the very chances we fail to see. The capacity for human endeavour and achievement is limitless. The minute we wait for a perfect time to play our hand, or tell ourselves we cannot do a simple action, we have limited our ability and handed over our opportunity to someone else. Being ruled by our thoughts, we would have already set in motion a cycle of underachievement and failure, restricting our aspirations and mobility in one fell swoop.
If we are not perfect, we will accept that there will be detours (setbacks) in our lives and, every one of them are for very good reasons not immediately apparent to us. We should regard those detours as temporary disappointments and use them to our advantage because they will certainly become instrumental in strengthening our resolve, clarifying the issues and deciding our next move.
Related Tags: motivation, mistakes, vision, achievement, confidence, self esteem, perfection, aspirations
ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - http://www.myspace.com/elaineone and http://www.elainesihera.co.uk) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a consultant for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"
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