Have you ever felt like a victim, or that life is treating you unfairly? It is easy to resort to that mindset, especially when we are conditioned to expect the best life has to offer. Rather than accept that cycles of change are a normal part of all lives, our instinct may be to resist.

Unwanted change can be anything we did not choose, plan, or control; our emotional response is to view it as a threat. Denial serves to protect us when we face trauma or shock. But there are times when it does not serve us well at all.

This article is about the kind of denial that we have all used to avoid accepting a painful truth. When denial becomes a pattern of coping, it does not serve you well, and may leave you exposed and unprepared. Change occurs despite your ability to accept it, and the energy spent masking truth may be better channeled to helping you deal with the circumstances you are facing.

Acceptance is not the same as giving up. Accepting that your marriage is in trouble does mean you should not try your best to resolve the issues through counseling, etc. Ideally, it means you will seek to heal your marriage sooner than someone who copes by denying there are problems. Accepting a medical diagnosis is not declining treatment; in fact, facing a diagnosis and being willing to seek early treatment can save your life.

Acceptance is about seeing things as they are, not as we wish they were or hope they will become. Are you willing to see things clearly in order to begin the process of acceptance? Ironically, sometimes the very act of recognizing a problem opens the way for you to create a different outcome! Your energy can be re-directed towards creating a solution, plan, or an alternative to the one you most fear.

Fear fuels denial; trust allows acceptance. When you trust that you can (and will) handle circumstances you fear, you can more easily embrace even those things you cannot alter. Acceptance allows you to take some form of action, and action is in itself therapeutic and empowering. It is hard to feel like a victim when you are taking action.

Even when you are tempted by denial, your body and subconscious mind are never fooled. Problems with appetite, sleep, relationships or stress may be clues you are avoiding the truth about something in your life. Denial never made real problems or unwanted changes disappear, but delayed action can have a tremendous impact on the outcome of that change. Health issues are one example.

Acceptance is empowering; denial gives your power away to whomever or whatever you are holding on to. For me, that is a great motivator for learning to let go! If someone or something has hurt you, why knowingly maintain an attachment to a person or situation that caused you pain?

Once in a place of acceptance, you can begin to forgive, but that is for another day! Acceptance moves your forward, denial holds you back. Do you choose to be a victim of your past, or a creator of your future? The change you fear may ultimately reveal a "silver lining"!