8 Mistakes Guys Make On First Dates


by Rick Dalton - Date: 2007-01-02 - Word Count: 1220 Share This!

You've mustered up the confidence to approach the girl and show your interest. You've gotten her phone number and set up the first date. But what next? Here are 8 mistakes most guys make on first dates that cost them a chance at a relationship.

1. Small talk on the phone beforehand. This first mistake occurs before the date even starts. Many guys will call women and ask them about their day, what they have going on next weekend, and ask for loads of other petty information that conveys too much interest and turns the woman off.

My basic philosophy in all my articles is that men should play hard to get, too. After all, men AND women want what we can't have. When you ask a woman a question about a topic you don't care about (let's face it, you don't care about WHAT she does, you care about WHO she is) you are NOT playing hard to get.

Instead, keep the conversation short. Plan the date. And say goodbye before she has a chance to.

2. Over-dressing. First dates are meant to be laid-back and easy going. By over-dressing, you pressure the girl into thinking you have hidden expectations for where this date is going. You also convey too much interest.

A nice t-shirt or a well fitting shirt and your best pair of jeans, with maybe one accessory is plenty.

3. Picking a nice venue. This also displays interest and puts unneeded pressure on the girl. Also, if it's not a fun or sociable environment, it can put a damper on your ability to connect.

Also, NO MOVIES. Dinner and a movie should be reserved for girls you have been dating for a long time. The first date is for getting to know more about the woman -- and you can't do that when you're both staring at a screen.

Also part 2: NO BARS OR CLUBS. You aren't going for a friends-with-benefits relationship, you want to make her your girlfriend. So use the first date as an opportunity to get to know her on a 1-on-1 basis. (Not to mention, it steers you clear of competition from other guys.)

Instead, go to a coffee shop. Take a brief stroll by the lake. Something low key, something inexpensive, and something that won't take up a whole lot of time. That way, there won't be as many expectations, your time will be limited, and the two of you will focus on making the most of your time together.

4. Talking about serious issues. You're meeting someone new! Have FUN. Talk about what's possible. Role play. Have her reveal her craziest hopes and dreams, and tease her about every one of them. There's an entire spectrum of wild topics to have a great time discussing. Yet for some reason, most 1st date conversations slowly gravitate towards... life.

"So what's your boss like?" "What did you major in?" "Oh you went to your parents' for Thanksgiving, that's so great." Ugh! Face it, 99% of our lives are boring ... stick to the exciting, the surprising, the wonderous, the funny ... and she'll be asking you when you're available for a second date.

Other topics to avoid discussing on first dates: politics, religion, ex's, family problems, psychological problems, major insecurities, and how long it took you to lose your virginity.

5. Complimenting the crap. Women want to be loved for what makes them unique. Deep down, a woman wants to "win over" her Prince Charming. She does NOT want a guy who treats her like a queen based just on the image she projects.

Which brings us to "complimenting the crap". For some reason, frustrated guys feel compelled to keep a conversation going at all costs, so they'll drag on conversation topics they don't care about. For example, if she says "Today I got a pedicure", the guy will respond with "Oh cool. How was it?"

Following suit, comments like "Wow I really like your bracelet" don't hold water unless you are a jewelry guru. In most cases, those nervous compliments come off as needy and shows too much interest.

Make the woman work for a compliment. If she talks about her pedicure change the subject to something related that you care more about -- like massages. If she says "I love deep tissue massages where they really grind into my back" and you do too, THEN you can say "Oh cool, me too. In fact, funny story, two weeks ago I..." and continue on.

6. Letting her end the date. You are a guy. Guys take the lead. By ending the date before she does, you show that you don't need her approval and that you're in control of your life. It's a subtle tactic but it works wonders because you always leave her wanting more. (As a result, she'll be thinking about YOU when you aren't together.)

7. Paying for her. (Warning: Controversy Alert) Let's get something straight. I advise all my students to pay on the 2nd date, and 3rd and 4th and so on. I advise them to open doors and pull out chairs for women. But from my experience, it works best if the man does NOT pay for the first date. There are several reasons for this...

First, it raises too many expectations. We've established that the first date should be fun, laid-back, light and positive. Those hidden expectations created by paying will send mixed signals.

Second, it's not playing hard to get. Nothing about buying her free gifts will make her emotionally attracted to you. In simpler terms, if you're chasing, you aren't the one being chased.

Third, like compliments, women should have to earn free gifts early on. After the first date, you can do what you want, but early on it's important to show her you can stand firm on your own.

Finally, fourth, it sets an unhealthy precedent for the rest of the relationship. Are you purchasing time with her? Are you purchasing her acceptance? Her love? Her sex?

Paying is a gentlemanly gesture. It portrays you as lover and provider, and it's almost always the right thing to do when you're out with a woman. But it only turns a woman on once you've established that you aren't EXPECTED to pay. That you're doing it because it's the right thing to do, and not because you want something out of her.

8. Revealing your cards. The date went well. In her mind, she's already decided who she'll call first, what her name would sound like when she's married to you, and what she'll name your first five kids. And if you'd just... lay... low and play hard to get for a bit, her attraction for you would continue increasing.

Instead, guys reveal their cards and state their next move. "I'll call you tonight." "I'm free this weekend if you want to hang out." "What are you doing Friday?" And it conveys too much interest. It makes you the chaser, not her.

We all want what we can't have. We aren't satisfied with anything unless we've worked for it. Because of this, you always want to leave her wanting more. At the end of every phone call, every email, every date, every kiss... pull back just a bit and have her come to you. It's called playing hard to get, and if you implement it just a bit into your naturall personality ... you might just find yourself becoming mildly irresistable. :)


Related Tags: guide, men, relationships, dating, advice, relationship, girlfriend, girlfriends

Rick Dalton is a Chicago area dating and attraction coach, and is the author of The How To Get a Girlfriend Guide at http://www.howtogetagirlfriendguide.com .

His monthly newsletter, The Rick Dalton Report, offers fresh lines, tips and techniques to master attraction conversations with women. Available free to owners of The Guide.

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