Why Is It So Hard To Talk About Money?


by David Berky - Date: 2007-02-01 - Word Count: 955 Share This!

Tom Monson, the Vice President of Simple Joe, Inc. was giving a
series of free seminars on personal finance to some people in his
neighborhood. Many couples and individuals were scheduled to
attend but only two or three were showing up.

Tom and I discussed the situation and wondered why attendance
was so low. Why were these people not making their
appointments? We didn't think it was the time of day. The time and
place was very convenient to all the invitees.

We knew they had an interest and several of them had expressed
a desire to learn more about finances directly to Tom. But when it
came to showing up for the seminar they seemed to find other
things to do.

As Tom and I were discussing this he commented on the behavior
and attitude of some of the people who had shown up for the first
two seminars. At the first seminar, Tom noticed that several of the
husband & wife couples seemed a bit uncomfortable discussing
financial matters with each other.

Much of Tom's seminar involved recognizing and evaluating your
current financial situation, setting financial goals and ways to
measure your progress. But he was having a hard time getting the
couples to discuss financial matters between themselves.

It seemed as if the topic of finances was taboo. They were
perfectly willing to sit and listen to a lecture, but when it came to
discussing the topic between themselves, they were hesitant and
almost shy with each other.

Tom and I tried to guess at why this situation would be occurring
in couples that had been married years. Some of the ideas we
came up with were things we had never considered before
because of our own situations and habits.

We also learned something about each other, the different ways
we look at finances and the techniques we use in our own homes.

One of the first things we speculated on was the idea that maybe
the topic of finances was always taboo for the husband and/or
wife. Maybe they grew up in a household that did not discuss
finances publicly. It was not a "proper topic for dinner
conversation" or it was a private matter just for parents.

I have seen this in some people I have talked with. Many are
hesitant to discuss finances for fear of revealing something about
themselves or their situation that they may be embarrassed about.
We all have made bad and even disastrous financial decisions.

No one expects anyone else to be a financial genius, but many of
us seem to be too ashamed of our decisions or current situation to
want to discuss the subject of finances.

While I am leery of discussing personal financial details with
strangers, I think that a good healthy discussion of financial topics,
ideas and plans is an ideal subject for conversation almost
anytime.

I have tried to find ways to get people to discuss the topic of
finances, money and jobs.

I like to ask people about their work: how their job is going, what
they are working on currently, what is in the future for their
company, and what they see as their future in the company. The
responses can be very interesting.

Some people are really excited about what is going on, and some
could care less. As long as there is that paycheck every other
Friday, the world can go on its merry way.

I have had good discussions with the people who are excited and
have had some quickly terminated conversations with people who
could care less.

Another fun question that can get people talking about money is,
"what would be your ideal job if you had all the money you need to
live on and didn't depend on your paycheck?"

You can tell the people who have though about this before and
those who never considered it. Those who have a ready answer
often end up revealing their lifelong dreams, ambitions or goals.

During the last few years (2001-2003) the subject of job security
and layoffs has been a popular topic of conversation. I like to ask
people what they would do if they were suddenly laid off. Could
they find a job in the same field for the same money? Would they
have to move to another state to look for a job? Would they have
to change careers? Could they survive financially?

A method Tom has used in his seminars is to ask the couples
questions about their financial dreams and goals. What would you
do if you had all the money you needed? What would your life by
like? What kind of things would you do? Where would you go? How
would you fill your days? What causes would you like to support?
What lifelong dreams would you try to fulfill?

These types of questions seem to be less threatening that "how
can you reduce your expenses" and "what should you cut out or
cut down on to save money?" By starting with a "dream-session"
Tom has been able to get the couples to open up to each other
and to the class participants.

The dialog starts to flow. Next up he will try to deftly turn the
"dream-session" into a "reality-session" to try to get the couples
to discuss ways of organizing and planing their finances so that
they can achieve their dreams.

Maybe if they start with the goal in mind, they will be more inclined
to talk about ways to achieve the goal rather than boring and
confrontational subjects like budgeting and curbing spending.

Stay tuned, we'll let you know how it goes in a future article.

David Berky is president of Simple Joe, Inc. One of Simple Joe's best selling products is Simple Joe's Money Tools - a collection of 14 personal finance and investment calculators. Visit http://www.simplejoe.com to learn more.

Related Tags: personal finances, simple joe, discuss finances, personal finance software

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