I have a client who is actually a third wife. Her husband has five children from his first two marriages. The children range in age from 7 to 19. "Susan" has no children of her own. She and her husband have decided together they won't be having any more.

Susan now bears the infamous title of "Step-Mother." She has no desire to be their mother - each of them has a mother. She was a little uncertain about being a step-mother - three of them have already had one of those as well and it wasn't the greatest of experiences. But, she does love their father. He loves his children. And, she wants to find a place in their lives and maybe - if she's lucky - a place in their hearts as well.

Well - she found a way!

Susan attended a wedding one weekend. Displayed on the wall at the reception was a very large, very beautiful family tree showing the bride and groom and five generations of their respective families. Throughout the reception she overheard comments about what a great gift that was; how it was such an honor to the families of these two wonderful people; how it really helped the families feel connected to each other, to the bride and groom, and to the past. Someone also commented on how important it is to give your children "roots and wings." Another responded that you had to give them "roots before you CAN give them wings."

Well, Susan asked around at that reception and found out that the family tree and the research that went into it were commission by the bride's aunts and uncles and that they had then worked with the wedding coordinator to find a prominent place at the reception to hang their gift - a gift that is now proudly displayed in the home of the bride and groom. One of the aunts provided Susan with my name and number and she called me the next morning.

The first word Susan spoke to me was, "Help!"

After a brief chuckle and some words of introduction, Susan shared with me some of the challenges of being a step-mother. Shared custody agreements, three teenagers, twin 7-year olds, one mother who was thrilled with the arrangement, one mother who was hostile, a husband who worked a lot and was still trying to figure out how to be a father. The teenagers had attitudes common to teenagers of divorce - varying degrees of apathy, anger, resentment - accompanied by equally varying mood swings. The younger children were withdrawn and timid - probably a reflection of their older siblings frequent outbursts and their mother's unresolved anger.

While I immediately recognized and appreciated the trust she placed in me by sharing this information, I was confused as to why she had contacted me. I am a family historian. Did she really want to document all of this drama? She took a deep breath, laughed heartily and then told me the story of the wedding reception.

Susan had been searching for over a year for a way to connect - really connect - with her step-children. She arranged one-on-one activities with each of them. She planned family outings. She talked to their father about talking to them. She tried talking to their mothers. She maintained routines and schedules and an example of open communication. But, there was still a lot of resentment and, sometimes, even open hostility.

When she was at that wedding, looking at that family tree, she had seen the names of each of her step-children flash through her mind. She realized that they felt rootless. Their families had been divided and they felt that division very deeply. It didn't matter that she was not the cause of that division. She - to them - represented the state of that division.

She wanted me to give her step-children back their family. She wanted them to understand that who they are didn't change just because their parents had divorced. She wanted them to understand that their family was so much more than the two people who gave them life and then chose not to stay together.

So, we went to work. Wife number one was thrilled to share what she knew and direct us to others of her extended family willing to help. She immediately recognized the value of what we were doing and thanked Susan for making such an effort of time and money. It was a little trickier getting information out of wife number two. Luckily the children's grandmother was still alive and was more than willing to share what she knew about the family history. This gave us enough information to delve into records researching the rest of the story.

By Christmas we had prepared, printed and framed eleven beautiful family trees. Each one reflected something a little different about the personality of the recipient. Each one traced the ancestry of that child. Susan gave two to each of her step-children (one for them to hang in their room at their mothers' and the other for their father's home).

The final tree she had prepared was larger than all the rest. It had the names of all five children on it. It had her name, their father's name, and the names of each of their mothers. It traced all three lines of ancestry. And it now hangs in their family room.

It would be nice to say that somehow this solved all of their problems. It didn't. But, it did exactly what Susan hoped it would do. It gave them roots. They now have a daily, visual reminder that they are part of something larger than themselves. They are part of a family - a family that is so much bigger than they can sometimes see.

Later Susan decided to take things a step further. In researching the names and dates to fill the spaces on the family tree, we came across some fascinating stories about the lives of the ancestors of these terrific kids. So, every birthday and Christmas for the past two years, Susan and I have taken those stories and turned them into beautiful little hardbound books that she gives the children as gifts.

It's just one more way she has found to be a part of their lives and a part of their family.