Anger Management and Addiction

by Shannon Munford M.A. MFT, CAMF - Date: 2007-08-07 - Word Count: 522 Share This!

You may have justifiable reasons for being mean and acting ugly. I am convinced that somewhere someone really hurt you; they betrayed your confidence. They abused you and left you with a memory of misery and pain.

It is by far not my intent to be insensitive, but holding on to the pain of the past can cause more damage to yourself than the individual or individuals who injured you.

The things we suffer can either make us better or bitter.

Such volumes of pain would easily destroy us if we had not found avenues to cope.

We needed a way to avoid pain and simultaneously institute a soothing pleasure. Food, cocaine, alcohol, heroine, sex and a number of unnamed addictions became our answer.

We knew we could count on them to calm the beast of anger on the inside. Soon, we forgot why we were angry at all. All we knew was we could "fix" the frustration, loneliness, boredom and disappointment with one act of indulgence.

One act of indulgence became two and two became three until we found ourselves caught in an infinite, dizzying helix of pleasure and pain.

The following paragraphs are excerpts from my journal as I sought out freedom and recovery from my own addiction:

March 20th

I can't swim but if I could I would imagine my life in the face of addiction is like swimming up a stream. Powering through the water with long determined strokes only to eventually grow tired. I feel like I am swallowing water at times. At other times I just want to fall into the peaceful depths of the ocean. I know it's dark there but I'm just tired of swimming and I don't see land on the horizon. From time to time I come across a floating piece of debris and ride the wave, but I always seem to loose my grip. If I quit I know I will loose every thing I hold dear, my wife, my son needs a real father. Cameron I will not fail you. You have too much potential. Forgive me for my weakness, for give me.

March 23rd
I can't recall one incident or insight that made me believe my life was unmanageable. It is more of a cumulative understanding. I became aware that my behavior was not going to stop on its on. It was not going to stop by prayer, by reading my Bible, by willpower. All these things are needed but they work in conjunction with confession, honesty, accountability, and humility.

How deceived we have become. We cover pain with our anger and we cover anger with addiction.

All the while the pain festers beneath. It fuels the fire.

In brief moments of clarity we see what we are doing to ourselves. It is at this time we have the courage to say, "I give up", not on life but on the charade we played so long. We find the courage to face ourselves and the unsightliness inside us.

Shannon Munford M.A. MFT, CAMF

Shannon Munford is the owner of Daybreak Counseling Service, an anger management education center in Los Angeles, California

Related Tags: drug addiction, recover, porn addiction, sex addiction, pornography addiction, anger management classes, anger management class, sex addicts anonymous

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