After watching the TV coverage of some of the recent tornadoes, floods and assorted natural disasters in the US and abroad, I come to the conclusion that the FCC must institute some regulations to control such coverage. I am seriously thinking of creating a Foundation for Safe Transmission of TV News. Perhaps the producers of American Idol can help me raise 100 million dollars.

First, the stations must be made to understand that their responsibility to the audience is to provide images of the event with the appropriate commentary. Studio speculation and useless banter among the usual talking heads only detract from the importance of the transmission. It is most disturbing when a pretty face appears and flashes a 15,000 dollars tribute to her dentist while announcing that 500 families have been evacuated, four thousand cows have drowned, the Boy Scouts are still lost somewhere and the entire choir of the local church are still missing. All this delivered with a coquettish smile and, whenever possible, a gentle exposure to whatever cleavage can be exhibited.

By Gosh! I, like many, prefer bad news in the proper tone and with the right visual display. I am not saying, the announcer replacing our smiling beauty above should be a mature gentleman dressed in black, semi bald, with dentures and irregular contact lenses, whose voice will invoke Vincent Price at his most lugubrious and his tone will fill us with fear and sorrow. No, give me a regular guy that can play the range of emotions needed to raise interest and provide some solace. Commentary should be included off-camera by qualified newscasters or meteo men.

Second - and most important - reduce the number of intrepid reporters standing like idiots in the rain and telling us that it is raining and "in back of me you will see Earl's garage with the roof blown off"

It is totally unnecessary to send several ENG units all over the country to tell us nothing; if you local stations are good enough, their images should be sufficient. If not, it is a free market, fire the lot!

Further, it is sheer idiocy to have the reporters stand in the middle of the debacle trying desperately to add a dramatic touch to the broadcast. I am just waiting for the next Mt. Helen's eruption to witness the following:

"Excuse me, but don't you think it might be dangerous to stand so close to the edge of that crater?"

"Not really. You see, our seismologists and vulcanicians have assured us that sulfur flames can only be harmful when inhaled in a humid atmosphere. It makes some sort of itchy chemical, they say. ."

"Itchy chemical? Gee, man, it makes H2SO4, H3SO3, H2S and a few other acids that can turn your skin into porridge, not to say what it can do to your nostrils, lungs and accessory piping."

Then, all of a sudden the dozen bird-brained reporters standing on the edge of the crater are engulfed by the toxic fumes and suddenly fall into the molten lava that begins to run down the sides of the mountain. The sad part is that a lot of very valuable equipment like the latest Sony Betacam SXP, X10050B, the fancy gravity-compensated tripods and the Vuiton leather cases are bound to fall into the molten lava too!

I can not erase from my memory the images of well known anchors, announcers and image addicts, battling bravely - in their convulsed minds - the rage of winds, waves and flying debris. I can also see another one complicating matters in the rescue of a victim by clumsily interfering with the rescue operation.

With summer approaching, I am again experiencing that uneasiness caused by the fear that another natural disaster will unleash a horde of brave announcers, meteor men, camera men and production assistants that will risk their lives for a few seconds of exposure, when a sober intro, good visual sequences and an intelligent commentary from the studio is all the audience needs. Perhaps one of these days some Executive Producer will hit his forehead at the Monday meeting and say:

"Oh! Almighty God! We have lost six ENG crews, all our talk show hosts (perhaps a blessing in disguise) and their secretaries, four announcers, 22 production assistants, six vans and a suitcase full of glazed doughnuts!"

astrous@comcast.net