Creating A Clear Relationship Vision
Many people define what they want in their relationships by describing what they don't like and resisting anything that fits that description. Say you want to take a vacation to a warm, sunny climate but all you can think of is to never go to Siberia because it's cold there. It hasn't gotten you any closer to getting the warmth and sun you desire. Most of you would more likely choose a specific place like Hawaii for instance. Then you would make a plan for how to get there etc. By connecting your vision of Hawaii with a plan for getting and staying there, you would soon be enjoying the warmth of those sunny islands.
Why treat your relationships any different? Be specific in what you want out of your relationship. Suppose you envision having a spouse who is a better listener. Here's an example of a plan for having that vision become a reality:
1. Let them know what you want.
2. Look for any signs of the listening you are envisioning.
3. Acknowledge and appreciate any listening that they do, and let them know how great it feels to you.
4. Phrase it in a way that simply notices your appreciation as opposed to labeling them as a "Good Listener".
5. Be an excellent, fully present listener yourself.
There are plenty of tips and techniques out there for improving relationship skills. When you have a specific plan for creating change in your relationship, those relational techniques can be used in the most effective way. Without a specific vision and plan, those same techniques may be directed in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with too little energy to transform your relationship.
One last thing to help your vision become reality is to pursue it with all your energy but release your attachment to the results. Choose to be in that relationship simply for the sake of personal growth and enjoyment. Rigidly holding on to how your results "should" appear will only blind you to countless other possibilities that can appear when relating to another person.
Related Tags: relationships, coaching, tips, love, advice, vision, intention, responsibility, blame, fixing
Steve and Susan Anderson offer coaching, teleclasses and other resources designed to help you create the relationships of your dreams. Find out how you can transform your relationship by visiting us at buildingpositiverelationships.com
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