If we are clogged up with the cobwebs of the past we cannot improve on them and make the present richer. The past often looks better when we lack confidence and are low in self-esteem because it allows us to ignore the moving times and be blind to what we do not wish to see. It kills our confidence because we are not prepared for the real world. This allows everything in our small world to take precedence while we become ignorant and cynical for the world of others.

A classic situation is the youth vs older folk syndrome. To some older people today's youth appear much worse than they used to be. They seem more ill-mannered, less respectful, badly behaved, more grasping and more self-centred. Yet very few teenagers I have met conform to that ready stereotype. The art of dealing with anyone is to acknowledge, recognise and respect them. If we don't, we won't be accorded that in return. Better still, that approach is likely to change their perspective to our views than any other. Most misunderstandings between generations arise because older people try to impose their old inappropriate values and standards on the young instead of combining a little from each generation to form a new basis for mutual tolerance and respect.

It is pointless expecting the young to behave as we did when their world is vastly different from ours and they are a product of that world. It's the only world they know. They cannot live in ours. Moreover, self-confidence does not come at another person's expense. It comes from a deep personal belief in what the individual can do at any given time. The old days look better only because we cannot cope with the new. To truly accept change in our lives, personal conviction has to be accompanied by prompt, positive results. If these are not forthcoming, and we cannot see immediate benefits (especially when our situation appears to have changed for the worse), we feel overwhelmed by the change and tend to reject the new, turning to old familiar ways for comfort.

Once overwhelmed, we often do not accept that we each have a part to play in improving the quality of our own lives. We are prone to look to the council, the politicians, the manager, the shop owners, partners or colleagues - in fact, anyone who can reduce the onus of responsibility from our shoulders. We are hesitant of how to react to our new high-tech world because the rules have changed beyond recognition, the goalposts have moved and we are left with the ball of progress while feeling inept, clumsy and bewildered, and without a clue where to put it. We cling tightly to the past we remember by sterilising it of its faults and exaggerating its goodness. A squeaky clean environment then emerges where we were always happy, always secure and completely contented in a community with very little crime and everything in its place. We often forget that some of the worst atrocities and abuses to women and children were committed back then.

Exaggerating the Past
Alternatively, some people may try to perpetuate the notion that the past was much worse than it was. They isolate only the ghastly bits, exaggerate the bad times and pretend that nothing good existed then nor contributed totheir present position. Yet, even if it were really awful, the fact that they survived it would have made them far better beings and infinitely more resilient. They would still have much for which they should be grateful. The truth is that most times we are unhappy with the present because we are vainly trying to use the outmoded ideas of dead men to dictate the lives of the living in a completely different era. We do need to use their contributions and theories for guidance, because it is more difficult to start from scratch. But each age builds on the one before it, not use it to dictate the future.

The only way to regain our confidence and deal effectively with uncertainties is to acknowledge the age we are living in, keep abreast of its innovations, update the skills we need to acclimatise, identify what we personally can do to influence our situation and make our impact, encourage and learn from the young - and go for it! By sharing some of what other generations value, our own lives can be enriched, while we preserve what is dear to us. However, by being cynical and distrustful of the world around us we alienate ourselves, we lose confidence and esteem and make our environment more frightening. We also deny ourselves the real pleasure we can get by harnessing the rich source of new thoughts, ideas and innovations, which can be easily mixed with the old to make our lives more enlightening, fulfilling and enjoyable.

We kill our confidence if we dwell negatively on the past by constantly dredging up painful memories or bottling up hurtful feelings. Nothing positive is ever achieved because, while we live in the past going over old things in our minds, the present does not really exist and we cannot plan for the future either. We would be too busy worrying and fretting about what has happened and what we cannot change instead of what we could do to improve things for the better. To surround ourself with nothing but past. hurtful things teaches us nothing new. However, it is guaranteed to kill our motivation, it makes us very unattractive to others and keeps us stuck in an ongoing rut.