Marriage is not everything


by Khadijah Ali-Coleman - Date: 2007-03-27 - Word Count: 475 Share This!

Though many purport that times were better before because unions lasted longer, one has to be hesitant to make such a quick judgement. In our face lies evidence that in past years, sexism and every other ism reigned supreme, making it much harder for people to relate on equal playing ground where it was not assumed that one member of the relationship (traditionally the man) was the rightful dominant member of the relationship.

So, in contrast, to today's steady closing of the gender gap, where women pay bills and raise the kids, lead boardroom meetings and run for office, yesteryear may have yielded more long-term unions, but today provides more avenues for women who may have had a smaller voice and limited possibilities before that may have conflicted with their marital or romantic relationship.

Our current divorce rates that peak at 50% speak volumes to the affect women engaged in other things other than keeping house have on marital unions. Where before, marriage may have taken place because it was the only option a woman had to get out of the house and/or have children, women are able to make varied choices for themselves and not remain dependent on being married in order to begin or maintain a life for themselves. Where before a woman may have stayed in a marriage where she was physically abused or mentally abused with infidelity, today, women are embracing their choice to leave an unhappy and unhealthy union when appropriate. Elders speak on how they stayed with each other through thick and thin but seldom speak of the emotional damage this wreaked on their psych or the psyche of their children who witnessed such unhealthy behaviors.

Though the reality is that even in this day and age, married heterosexual persons often have more disposable income than single heads of household, (though not as much longterm gay couples), women are still able to make decisions for themselves and their families that would have been considered taboo before. If resources are known and available, a woman can rebound and maintain a healthy lifestyle for herself and her children if she has the courage and strength to make that first step.

When considering a marriage partnership, it is important to ask yourself if this is something that you want because you believe it is expected of you or is it something that you really want and am ready to commit to. Gone are the days that you consider marriage because you have no other options. Marriage does not equal a healthy relationship and it definitely is not the best choice if you have not identified what your own personal goals are before you get married. Marriage, in no shape, form or fashion is everything.

If you are in an abusive relationship-- marital or romantic-- there is help. Contact the Support Network for Battered Women at 1800-572-2782

Related Tags: relationships, emotions, love, romance, marriage, relationship, sex, d, enjoy, emotional, boyfriend, girlfriend, relate, union, khadijah, ali, coleman

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