Like every bad habit, the bad habits that couples develop start to become routine if they are not put in check quickly. When you develop a bad habit, it's up to you and only you to stop it. But when couples develop bad habits as a unit, they both need to make the conscious effort to identify how each is contributing to the issue and also how each can be a positive influence for the other.

Breaking bad habits in a marriage need effort from each person, but it is a better option than breaking up a marriage over a habit or habits that have spun out of control.

• Forgetting the small gestures:

Even the small gestures matter in a relationship. Small gestures include: kissing your husband/wife when they walk through the door, asking if there's anything you can get them while you're up, or offering to do a chore you know your partner hates doing.

Couples tend to think that because they have been together for a long time, these thoughtful gestures can be forgone. But it is these small gestures which keep the intimacy alive and keeps you both feeling emotionally connected.

• Spending too much time with the in-laws:

Couples sometimes allow in-law interference. Many couples will tell you that in-law issues can quickly become a source of frustration and resentment in the marriage. The interference is caused by spending too much time with the in-laws (especially at your own home), providing private information about your marriage or spouse to them, or siding with them over your spouse. While a spouse can be rightfully close to his/her family, the disloyalty will do nothing to enhance your marriage. First and foremost, your loyalty lies with your marriage, and just because it is family doesn't mean it is OK to gossip or betray your spouse.

• Not having sex:

A sexless marriage is a common bad habit that too many married couples gravitate into. The importance of sex cannot be emphasized enough. Sex serves as one of the best ways to develop and maintain intimacy, but when you go without sex for a long time, you get so used to it that your mind begins to not need it anymore.

Many issues can contribute to a sexless marriage, like pregnancy, stress, fatigue or resentment. The most effective way to save your marriage from this bad habit: Have sex! Even if you don't feel like it, do it. Don't turn down your partner unless there's a very good reason. Luckily, once you just do it, you'll probably actually enjoy yourself. For those who are sexual child abuse survivors-you might need professional help to restore your sexual relationship. Do not hesitate to do this for yourself and your partner. See www.drdorothy.net regarding healing sexual child abuse.

• Not consulting your partner about purchases:

Many couples will tell you that the issue of money is the most contentious of relationship issues. Sometimes it's the intentional refusal to disclose where money is spent, and sometimes it's just a bad habit of not being on the same page with monetary purchases or goals.

The fact remains that marriage is a partnership and developing a bad money habit will not only cause anger and resentment, but it can also compromise your financial security. Each person needs an agreed upon amount she/he can spend without consulting the other.

• Picking up bad habits from your partner:

Maybe you started drinking as much as your husband as an excuse to be liked. It is more effective for you to save your marriage from bad habits by nipping them in the bud as soon they develop. If your bad habits have been around for years, it's still worth your while to overcome them for your sake the sake of your marriage.

Or maybe your wife is neglecting herself, and as a result, you stop going to the gym as frequently. Couples sometimes pick up on each other's bad habits because of the synergy of the relationship. One partner may also pick up on the other's bad habits as an excuse or as a way to get back at the other (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em). It is better to develop good habits together and practice them as a team.

Now that you understand how bad habits may be creating tension within your marriage, you will be more motivated to solve these issues quickly and get back to that closeness that prompted you to be a couple.