Menopause And How Your Attitude Matters

by Daphne Nancholas - Date: 2007-02-20 - Word Count: 758 Share This!

What about our feelings?

I've noticed that there are many articles about the physical symptoms of the menopause and how to deal with them, but what about the many feelings that come up, often of fear and confusion, when this major 'change' starts happening?

I know from my own experience that when your emotions are all over the place due to hormonal imbalances, the last thing you need is to be patronised, because lets face it, only a woman of a certain age could possibly know what you're actually going through.

The menopause is not an illness

One of the main things to remember, (no matter what your GP says), is that the menopause is not an illness, it's a hormonal imbalance just like you find during puberty. Unfortunately in our society there is a lot of emphasis on the downsides of menopause. It's as if something terrible is going to happen and you'll never be a proper woman again.

Why does the menopause have such bad press?

Unfortunately, over the years the menopause has been seen as something to dread, when in fact this time could be viewed as a point in a woman's life where she has many years of healthy living ahead, more independence if she has been bringing up children and no more periods!

No future?

There are women who look at menopause as something to dread, the end of being a true woman. This can affect any woman who sees that changes will have to happen but cannot see where they will end or what will replace the way their life was before. It's as if they just cannot look ahead to another way of life.

Or something completely different?

For myself I looked at this period of time as a transition into a new phase that would be the most empowering part of my life.

I'd always seen myself as 'modern woman', but I suppose, in a way, when I look back I can see that through work and home there was a fair bit of putting my partner before myself on a regular basis, of choosing a supporting role rather than following my own path.

Finding what you really want

I hadn't really gone for a career that I absolutely wanted, it had been more about compromises to fit in with my partner, probably because I hadn't the confidence to stick up for what I really wanted.

Whereas from forty onwards I started to gain far more confidence and by the time menopause was looming I was ready for change and in fact re-trained in something that I really wanted to do.

Independence at last

For women who have been bringing up children for many years, this can often be a time of new independence and freedom, rather than trying to hang on to the 'mother' role. The same goes for partners. During the ten years I've been helping women through the menopause it has often been a revolutionary time for them regarding changing attitudes towards their husbands.

When you've been the person cooking and cleaning for a whole family for so many years, it can take a while to think; wait a minute, I don't have to have that role anymore. We can share the chores. Ah, freedom!

Mid-life can be confusing

Mid-life can be a confusing time for women. This is also often a time when we become part-time carers of our own parents and of course this can have the effect of making us fearful about own health, especially when our parents die.

It can be a time of shocks to the system from these massive changes. Then we're looking in the mirror thinking, 'oh no, I'm not young anymore!'

My response to that is: so what? Not all societies worship youth. Some cultures look up to the wise woman and find such strong and powerful women, who are being completely themselves, very attractive.

Feeling invisible?

We live in a society where older people generally are not treated with a great deal of respect. I've heard the phrase: 'I feel invisible' many times.

In some cultures, however, the older, wise woman is revered and held in great esteem. Maybe partly because menopause in these cultures is not seen as a bad thing. The result seems to be that many of these women simply do not suffer the physical and emotional symptoms that often plague women in the West.

So let's respect ourselves and not take on board all the fear-led rubbish in the media because lets face it, if in some cultures they end up feeling empowered by the whole experience, then so can we. Let's be proud to be very very visible!!.

Related Tags: menopause, night sweats, perimenopause, hrt, hot flushes, homeopathy, mood swings, hormone imbalance

Daphne Nancholas has for the past 10 years helped women in the UK through the menopause. You can find out more from her website: She is a published author and she and her partner Graham Smith have produced a relaxation CD which you can purchase from They live in Cornwall and are part way through producing their next CD.

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