Clients often tell me that the progress and change they've achieved over the course of their coaching relationship had its foundations in those two early values sessions. What you learn about yourself in these sessions can help place so much else in context- from explaining our lack of ease and comfort in certain situations, to helping understand the kinds of activities and goals that will provide your life with a daily sense of meaning and satisfaction.

Now here's something really weird about we humans. Although every one of us has a truly unique set of life values, and although living in alignment with our values is the keystone upon which our true happiness and wellbeing is built, most of us have only the fuzziest idea of what our life values are. That's if we have any idea at all!

At least that explains how we can end up with our life feeling so out of kilter. And why even when we do have meaning, fulfilment and wellbeing in our lives we can so easily lose it. When your life feels right you can bet that you are living in alignment with your values. But if we don't know what those values are how do we keep in touch with them?

The answer is that too often we don't. We make decisions based on faulty information. We see what others are doing and think we should do the same. We listen to honest advice that is based on other people's values, not our own. Sometimes we simply forget that we have a choice. Or we simply ignore our inner voice.

As we make our life decisions or have decisions thrust upon us we can often drift away from our life values and lose the very things that once gave us so much pleasure, meaning and purpose. When that has happened, it can seem that our whole life has been specially designed to rub us up the wrong way.

Then, in the place of joy and lightness, we get cranky, irritable and heavy. In the place of enthusiasm and drive we get boredom and dread. We may have less patience with the ones we love, or a nagging and unexplained feeling of stress and anxiousness.

When you are out of alignment with your values, life's just not much fun.

But what are life values?

Well, put simply they are what matters most to us, or the things that are most important to us. We're not talking about religious beliefs or principles here, although they are often connected, but the practical elements of life that really speak to us.

So in answer to what matters most a common response is 'family'. However, it's what we value about family that we are looking for. And that can be very different for each of us. Connectedness, belonging, support, love, achievement, responsibility, security - all these are values that can be at the root of what makes family matter so much.

And think about these simple examples of what it means to be out of alignment with your values:

You value integrity but your work environment doesn'tYou value creativity but have grown so busy that it's years since you expressed itYou value independence but aren't allowed to do anything on your ownYou value control but no longer know what's going on in big parts of your lifeYou value recognition but never get a thank you, never get an acknowledgement of what you've achievedYou value nature but are surrounded by concrete, tarmac, metal

Does it have to be like this?

No!

Working to discover and truly understand your life values can be an amazingly profound enabler, leading to enhanced clarity and improved understanding. This in turn positively effects motivation to action, goal setting and goal achievement, and feelings of confidence and determination.

When you understand your life values you finally have at your fingertips your unique basic ingredients for a more fulfilling life. And because of that, the motivation and incentive to make positive change becomes all the more powerful.