The negotiation phase of buying a car is often an experience that people dread the most. This is when a decision is made to spend tens of thousands of dollars without knowing for sure if it's the right thing to do. For many people, most of the anxiety and stress comes from feeling that the dealer is in control, when in fact this is not the truth.

There is one simple fact that proves you, the customer, are the one in control of the deal: it's your money. The dealer cannot force you to spend it! The challenge for most people is to conquer the intimidation they feel when confronted with negotiating over something so expensive. There are a few simple steps you can take to ensure you will have a good experience and drive home happy.

If there is more than one decision maker (such as your spouse) who has input on buying the car, have a good pre-shopping conversation about your maximum budget, how much of a down payment you can afford, and the minimum amount you are willing to accept for your trade-in. Far too many couples experience stress in the showroom because they are uncertain how the other person really feels, and they end up negotiating with each other as much as with the dealer! If you feel comfortable with one another ahead of time, you'll be that much more comfortable making a deal.

If you plan to finance your purchase, get a pre-approved and no-obligation loan from your bank or credit union before you go shopping. This provides a few important benefits. First, you have the confidence of knowing that you are already approved for a loan and your maximum budget. Secondly, it allows you to shop as a "cash buyer" and therefore keep the deal focused on the selling price of the car, not the monthly payments amount. Finally, you know the worst-case interest rate you can get, so you have a tool to try to get the dealer to offer a lower rate.

Expect to spend at least three hours at the dealership. That may seem like a lot of time, but it goes by quickly if you are considering model selection, going on test-drives, having your trade evaluated, and of course negotiating a deal. Consider leaving the younger kids at home; you may feel inclined to include them in the process, but they will quickly get bored and end up being a distraction that you don't need when you're making a huge financial decision. Also, eat a good meal before you go shopping so that your hungry stomach doesn't inspire you to rush through the deal making.

When start to "run the numbers", immediately request that the dealer provide several different quotes for different scenarios. For example, ask for monthly payment pricing with no down payment, with 50% of your expected down payment, and with your maximum down payment. Do the same thing for scenarios accounting for your trade-in's value. By asking for these variations up front, you can easily and simultaneously compare the different options to find the best match for your situation. If you allow the dealer to do this one at a time, not only will the process take much longer but you will begin to get both frustrated and confused, which is never a good thing.

The last, and most important, technique you have to control the deal is your ability to walk away from it. You may find this really hard to do, but you must be prepared for it! The dealership will be counting on the emotional investment you've made up to that point; they know you really want your new toy and you are unlikely to say no if you are close to making a deal. If you are uncomfortable with any part of it while you are in the showroom, think about how you're going to feel about it the next day, or when your first monthly payment bill arrives.

A few final tips: Don't let them run a credit check on you unless you are trying to get financing through the dealership AND you've already negotiated the selling price for your car and your trade-in's value. Your credit report provides the dealership with a lot of information that they can use to their advantage. Never give money for a down payment until the final purchase agreement has been signed. If the dealer wants to see something to show that you are "serious", simply reply that you would leave if you weren't serious. If you provide keys to evaluate your trade-in, insist on getting them back before you sit down to negotiate the deal. The dealer knows that you can't leave if you don't have your keys, so take this tactic away from them.