Why Very Smart People May Have Poor Social Skills
- Date: 2009-07-30 - Word Count: 642
Share This!
Do you ever have trouble making conversation with others even though you consider yourself to be a very intelligent person?
If so, this may puzzle you. You may wonder why you are so poor at making conversation with others, even though you are very smart, and you know a lot of interesting things.
The truth is that social skills and intelligence don't necessarily go together.
In fact, many people with average intelligence and average interests are much better at making small talk and have better social skills than people who are extremely intelligent.
And many people who are very intelligent are extremely poor at making small talk conversation and may have poor social skills.
Why should this be?
Here are some of the reasons why very intelligent, very creative people often have difficulty in making small talk conversation successfully:
1.) They may be perfectionists. These people may have very high expectations of themselves about everything they do. When they think they have failed at anything, they judge themselves very harshly.
If they think they are failing at small talk, they just get even more nervous and tongue tied. Their harsh self judgment makes them so anxious that they cannot relax and simply enjoy being with other people.
2.) People who are very smart may have spent most of their life trying to become very intellectually developed, but sometimes they neglect to develop their social and emotional side.
They may believe that developing their social and emotional side is not very important, or they may feel that it is too late to try learn these new difficult skills.
3.) They may be very serious people and believe that they should only spend their time thinking about serious matters and talking about serious matters. They may believe that talking about unimportant things is a waste of time. This makes them get bored very quickly with small talk that doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
4.) In some cases, people who are smarter than average actually feel superior to others and believe they should not have to waste their time with average people having average conversations. They may really truly be snobs at heart.
5.) Many very intelligent people suffer from extreme shyness or from poor self esteem. This may cause them to feel that they have nothing interesting or worthwhile to contribute to a conversation. High intelligence and high self esteem do not necessarily go together.
6. ) Some very intelligent people, particularly those who are strong in scientific and mathematical skills may have a condition called Asperger's syndrome. This condition which is believed to be related to autism, shows itself in many different ways.
Often, the person who has some degree of Asperger's is extremely good at focusing on a scientific topic, but is unable to understand the kinds of social interactions that most other people take for granted. People with Asperger's may talk in a rigid, mechanical way, and be uninterested in other people's emotional lives.
Intellectual brilliance is only one aspect of a human being. No matter how intelligent a person is, a lack of social skills can hold them back in their social life and their career.
So if you are one of those people who is quite smart, but has problems with social skills and with making small talk, what should you do?
First, you must ask yourself whether improving your social skills is something that you really want to do.
If the answer is truly no, then you don't need to work on trying to improve this particular talent.
However, if the answer is yes, the good news is that you really can improve your conversational skills and your ability to enjoy small talk, and have enjoyable social relationships with others.
You will have to commit yourself to practicing new skills and new attitudes towards yourself and others. But with practice and commitment, you will be able to be much more successful in these areas of your life.
If so, this may puzzle you. You may wonder why you are so poor at making conversation with others, even though you are very smart, and you know a lot of interesting things.
The truth is that social skills and intelligence don't necessarily go together.
In fact, many people with average intelligence and average interests are much better at making small talk and have better social skills than people who are extremely intelligent.
And many people who are very intelligent are extremely poor at making small talk conversation and may have poor social skills.
Why should this be?
Here are some of the reasons why very intelligent, very creative people often have difficulty in making small talk conversation successfully:
1.) They may be perfectionists. These people may have very high expectations of themselves about everything they do. When they think they have failed at anything, they judge themselves very harshly.
If they think they are failing at small talk, they just get even more nervous and tongue tied. Their harsh self judgment makes them so anxious that they cannot relax and simply enjoy being with other people.
2.) People who are very smart may have spent most of their life trying to become very intellectually developed, but sometimes they neglect to develop their social and emotional side.
They may believe that developing their social and emotional side is not very important, or they may feel that it is too late to try learn these new difficult skills.
3.) They may be very serious people and believe that they should only spend their time thinking about serious matters and talking about serious matters. They may believe that talking about unimportant things is a waste of time. This makes them get bored very quickly with small talk that doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
4.) In some cases, people who are smarter than average actually feel superior to others and believe they should not have to waste their time with average people having average conversations. They may really truly be snobs at heart.
5.) Many very intelligent people suffer from extreme shyness or from poor self esteem. This may cause them to feel that they have nothing interesting or worthwhile to contribute to a conversation. High intelligence and high self esteem do not necessarily go together.
6. ) Some very intelligent people, particularly those who are strong in scientific and mathematical skills may have a condition called Asperger's syndrome. This condition which is believed to be related to autism, shows itself in many different ways.
Often, the person who has some degree of Asperger's is extremely good at focusing on a scientific topic, but is unable to understand the kinds of social interactions that most other people take for granted. People with Asperger's may talk in a rigid, mechanical way, and be uninterested in other people's emotional lives.
Intellectual brilliance is only one aspect of a human being. No matter how intelligent a person is, a lack of social skills can hold them back in their social life and their career.
So if you are one of those people who is quite smart, but has problems with social skills and with making small talk, what should you do?
First, you must ask yourself whether improving your social skills is something that you really want to do.
If the answer is truly no, then you don't need to work on trying to improve this particular talent.
However, if the answer is yes, the good news is that you really can improve your conversational skills and your ability to enjoy small talk, and have enjoyable social relationships with others.
You will have to commit yourself to practicing new skills and new attitudes towards yourself and others. But with practice and commitment, you will be able to be much more successful in these areas of your life.
Related Tags: friends, social skills, social life, improve your social skills, improve your conversation skills, develop better social skills, improve small talk
This article was written by self help author and conversation expert Royane Real. To learn more about how to improve your social skills and conversation skills, download her special report "Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" at www.lulu.com/real Your Article Search Directory : Find in Articles
Recent articles in this category:
- Corprate Trainig
In today's rivalry business world, it is very small thing for organizations to provide specialized t - It's All About Determining What Goal To Set
A goal is something you want and desire to achieve. There are two types of goals, namely, short-term - Corporate Training Programs Are Also Organized For Skill Development
Corporate TrainingThis has necessitated the corporate training model where the companies utilize the - Avoid Harm From City Water With A Carbon Water Filter
The side effects of drinking unfiltered water are not good. There are too many contaminates in it an - The Positive Power Of Negativity
A client read my 2009 Prophecy Letter recently and was perplexed by this statement that I'd made in - Your Personal Daily Allowance For Relaxation
Stress is the curse of living in modern times. Everyone suffers from stress. And the stress we suffe - Life Is About The Decisions And Choices We Make
Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight pa - How Multiple Intelligence Theory Reveals Opportunities For Personal Growth
So, how intelligent are you? If the question makes you a little uneasy, then you are like most peopl - The 3 Hidden Benefits Of Limiting Beliefs
Unless you are extremely advanced in your personal development path, you have some limiting beliefs. - Make Your Queensland Company A Success With Brisbane Business Coaches
When starting a business in Queensland, just like in any other part of the world, you will need to p
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Perfect as a Rose
"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for, perfection is G - Believe in Me
"Every achiever that I have ever met says, "My life turned around when I began to believe in me." - - Business Coaching Models
Any business is a growing enterprise, which may have internal and external factors hindering its suc - Business Coaching Psychology
It is a discipline that relates to the study and use of psychological tools in the workplace. It is - Evidence Based Business Coaching
The history of coaching in business can be traced back to the 1950-60s, when psychologists documente - Coaching Supervision vs Mentoring
Supervision is not a new concept. The execution method and amount of supervision required varies dep - Model Advice and Glamor Modeling Career Tips: How Do I Get Into Glamour Modeling?
GLAMOR MODELING ADVICE AND MODEL TIPS: HOW CAN I LAUNCH MY GLAMOUR-MODEL CAREER? Aspiring models - Business Coaching Corporate Coaching or Executive Coaching is All About Results
Coaching whether executive, corporate or business has become an ever popular strategy to improve the - Solution Focused Coaching
If you take a quick glance at todays business setting, you would notice the change in managerial tec - Adult ADD - Why Can't Somebody Else Do It?
When you're bored, and you have ADD, you procrastinate about doing boring things and become frustrat