Divorce is a process that takes different paths depending on each of our particular histories. Some people zip through a divorce as if it were something they do every day and for those who have been married more than twice, it probably is just that easy! For others of us, the divorce process may push us to the point of despair. Then there are others who are stunned for a time, but seem to be able to shake it off and go on pretty normally with their lives.

What causes these different responses to the same event? It can be postulated that the difference is related to the paths each individual has taken in their lives up to the point of divorce. The next few paragraphs are going to dissect reasons for each particular reaction to divorce.

The Zip Through But Get On Down The Road Reaction

This particular reaction to divorce and the path to recovery may be due to several reasons. The first might be that an individual's approach to relationships has been to rush into relationships, make commitments, and then learn about the partner. There may be a tendency for these marriages to end more frequently and for there to be more frequent marriages as well.

Another reason for a zip through divorce path may be related to rushing into relationships but this approach has a deep overtone of hormones. An individual who is driven by their hormones or pheromones is actually making decisions based on physiological reasons ad not their head. They may be addicted to the electric sensual sexual rush of a new relationship and jump into a marriage before this phase is over. When it does end in approximately 18 months, there is really nothing left. No rush, no relationship. Hurry on to get the rush back and the electricity moving because this is confused with love.

The Stunned But Get On Down The Road Reaction

The group of divorced people who fall into this category of reaction is probably fairly emotionally healthy. A divorce should be a bit stunning and there should be a reaction to the event and process. It is normal for human beings to react to change and to spend some time learning how to accept and understand what has happened to them.

There is a period of mourning and going through a gird process and then the mentally healthy individual will start to see a light at the end of the tunnel and begin to adjust to their new status in life. This adjustment process often results in contentment and a new outlook on life, love and marriage. The person surfacing from the stunned but get on down the road reaction may choose to stay single ad be perfectly content with their lives or, they may choose to look for a new partner. No matter which choice, they are wiser and more prepared to understand relationships from a different perspective.

The Depths Of Despair But Can't Find The Road Reaction

This group of people, who suffer long and many times not silently, is a difficult group to categorize. This reaction may be due to numerous reasons including: low self-esteem, a personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, mental illness, just to name of few. The overall hallmark of this group is their inability to let go of their spouse, to take responsibility for their role in the divorce, and their need to be seen a martyr.

All of these characteristics are normal responses to a divorce up to a point. If someone is still trapped in them after 12 to 18 months they have passed from a normal reaction and moved into what this author is calling Post Marital stress disorder or PMS. It is not hard to spot someone who has PMS. They are the people who continue to be depressed after the normal period of grief has passed. They are the person who tells complete strangers about how awful their ex-spouse was and continues to be to them. They are the ones who are desperate to have their children and friends hate their other parent. They are the ones who carry their cross out in the open and go through the story of their martyrdom at least two or more times a day (even if it only to themselves and not to someone else.

A person with Post Marital Stress disorder needs psychiatric help. They need to find out why this is their reaction to their divorce and to use this information to move on down the road. Their insistence on being wronged and deserving more is a sure sign they have unhealthy underlying mental health and potentially psychiatric issues that will not get better without intervention or treatment.