Bringing Passion Back To The Relationship
- Date: 2007-04-11 - Word Count: 521
Share This!
Question to Spicy Gear's Experts - Hello my question is, When my boyfriend and I first met our sex life was amazing some times we do it several times in one night and we both would reach an orgasm each time. but lately for the last month or so I am lucky if I can get to touch me once a week and when we do it seems he reaches an orgasm and me left wanting more. I have tried different things to enhance our sex life talking,toys. I even tried videos but he says he is not really into them. How can I get his or our passion for one another back on course?
As often happens when I read questions, I'm left with more questions than answers. In your case, I wonder about how long you and your boyfriend have been together and I wonder about the quality of other important factors in your relationship.
It is very common for the frequency of sexual encounters to decrease as the time in the relationship increases. In the early part of a relationship, often referred to as the "limerance stage", sex can be very frequent. As you mention, several times a day!! This is a time when nothing else seems to exist but the new lover. There's an intoxication or "high" in being together. There are biological factors involved here. Certain hormones are following at above normal levels. Researchers find this stage to last anywhere between 12 and 24 months. As enjoyable and blissful as this stage may be, it is a good thing that it begins to fade because life has to go on! Jobs require attention, bills need to be paid, houses need cleaning, family/friend (sometimes to include children) need attending to. I think you get my point. In relationships that survive beyond this point, sex normally decreases to 1-3 times a week-even in relationships where sex was as frequent as several times a day.
Now I don't know if this is what is going on in your relationship, because you don't mention how long you've been together. This brings me to the other question I have. How is the quality of other important factors in your relationship? Often times, and especially when sex starts early in the relationship, you spend more time enjoying the sex and less time nurturing other things that are important for a long term relationship to survive.
I have some questions for you to consider. How well do you communicate? How deep is the level of emotional intimacy-the ability and willingness for you both to expose your vulnerable sides of your Self to one another? Are there conflicts or very wide differences in your perspectives about life, finances, religion, family, etc? Do you argue often? Is your boyfriend under a lot of stress related to work, finances, family? Any problems in these areas can ultimately affect the quality of the sexual relationship.
I encourage you to try to open communication with your boyfriend about your concerns and talk about not only the sex but about these other issues.
Question answered by Spicy Gear's Sex Therapist Lynne Santiago, MS, LMHC
As often happens when I read questions, I'm left with more questions than answers. In your case, I wonder about how long you and your boyfriend have been together and I wonder about the quality of other important factors in your relationship.
It is very common for the frequency of sexual encounters to decrease as the time in the relationship increases. In the early part of a relationship, often referred to as the "limerance stage", sex can be very frequent. As you mention, several times a day!! This is a time when nothing else seems to exist but the new lover. There's an intoxication or "high" in being together. There are biological factors involved here. Certain hormones are following at above normal levels. Researchers find this stage to last anywhere between 12 and 24 months. As enjoyable and blissful as this stage may be, it is a good thing that it begins to fade because life has to go on! Jobs require attention, bills need to be paid, houses need cleaning, family/friend (sometimes to include children) need attending to. I think you get my point. In relationships that survive beyond this point, sex normally decreases to 1-3 times a week-even in relationships where sex was as frequent as several times a day.
Now I don't know if this is what is going on in your relationship, because you don't mention how long you've been together. This brings me to the other question I have. How is the quality of other important factors in your relationship? Often times, and especially when sex starts early in the relationship, you spend more time enjoying the sex and less time nurturing other things that are important for a long term relationship to survive.
I have some questions for you to consider. How well do you communicate? How deep is the level of emotional intimacy-the ability and willingness for you both to expose your vulnerable sides of your Self to one another? Are there conflicts or very wide differences in your perspectives about life, finances, religion, family, etc? Do you argue often? Is your boyfriend under a lot of stress related to work, finances, family? Any problems in these areas can ultimately affect the quality of the sexual relationship.
I encourage you to try to open communication with your boyfriend about your concerns and talk about not only the sex but about these other issues.
Question answered by Spicy Gear's Sex Therapist Lynne Santiago, MS, LMHC
Related Tags: vibrators, adult toys, sex advice, vibrator, sex education, adult toy, dildo dildos, sex ed
For more information on this article and other articles please visit spicygear.com and click on link for Sex Ed
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- Bridal Shower Favors: Small Memorabilia for the Party Guests
Most bridal shower hostess consider giving bridal shower favors. Giving out these little tokens have - Simple Ideas to Prepare for the Baby Shower Favors
It is a good gesture to give thanks to the people who came into your baby shower. Aside from sending - Russian Women and the Way to Meet Them
You are just chatting and dating with a number of women only to while away your time. But would you - How Can I Make My Ex Boyfriend Love Me Again - Expert Tips to Win Back the Love of Your Life
If you are asking how can I make my ex boyfriend love me again, you might be asking the wrong questi - Get Him Back by Using Male Psychology - It's Easy When You Know How to Push Your Ex's Hot Buttons
The reason so many women have a hard time getting their boyfriend back after a breakup is not becaus - Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back - The Conditions You Need to Create to Make Her Want You Again
When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it might seem to you that she is gone for good, but usually - The Best Way to Get Him Back When He Needs a Break - Expert Tips to Bring Your Ex Back Fast
If you love your man, you never want to be without him. That is why it is so devastating when he say - Priorities of Russian Women
The world has gone under a dramatic change regarding the equality of men and women starting from the - The Best Way to Contact Your Ex Boyfriend After a Breakup - How to Get Back in His Life
When your boyfriend ends your relationship, all you can think of is getting him back as fast as poss - If You Are Still in Love With Your Ex Boyfriend - Super Effective Tips to Get Him Back in Your Life
When your boyfriend breaks up with you and you still love him, it can be pretty confusing. For one t
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Violence In Intimate Relationships
Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other - Resolving Conflicts in Relationships
Differences in relationships are inevitable. The coming together of two people with different needs, - Men, Pay Attention!!!
It's true. You don't want to imagine it but it's going on right under your unsuspecting nose. If you - 5 Dazzling Ways to Make Any Woman Fall In Love With You
""I don't get it!...""I've a nice car. I'm accomplished. My A-List CV make the n - Some Smart 50th Wedding Anniversary Gifts
Have you been together with your spouse for fifty years? If you have, then you are blessed beca - The Ultimate Bridal Challenge: Making Your Wedding Invitations Unique
Let's say you're a break-the-mold kind of bride. Perhaps you're marrying later than your conte - To Date or not to Date: Understanding cultural influences on dating and human relations
Summary: In attempts to better understand dating rituals, and, in turn, better support my best frien - Relationship Advice For Today's People!
Relationship Advice If you are single, dating, or trying to get to "I DO" and spend too much time h - Easy Gift Shopping For Guys
Whether it's Christmas, Valentine's Day, a birthday or another special occasion, it can be a challen - How My Obsession With A Young Woman Improved My Vocabulary
Never before in my life had I experienced anything so emotionally disturbing. I couldn't sleep. I'd