Control Your Mindset: You Are What You Think
After you separate or divorce, the most important tool you have at your disposal is your mindset. What are you thinking? What are you telling yourself? Is your goal to "survive" your divorce? Do you feel like you're a failure or "damaged goods"? Your thoughts have a powerful impact on your reality.
For me and my three school-age children, I decided that to simply "survive" my divorce would be setting the bar way too low. Instead, I wanted all of us to THRIVE and blossom. I believe we're never given more than we can handle. I was open to learning the lessons life was teaching me in this relationship breakdown. I didn't want to stay stuck in anger or fear. I most certainly didn't want to have to repeat this experience again either!
Getting divorced made me realize how programmed I had been to my own negative internal dialogue. There's nothing like having a 20-year relationship crumble to turn up the volume on the internal, self-critical thoughts I'd been carrying around my whole life, but never really noticed before. I realized that a very important tool we all have (and don't use enough) is the power to choose our thoughts.
Dr. Lee Pulos, noted clinical psychologist at the University of British Columbia, estimates that we self-talk between 150-300 words per minute. That works out to an astonishing 45,000-50,000 thoughts per day! He estimates that the average person can only last for about 11 seconds without some kind of self-talk. For many of us, a lot of that self-talk is negative - particularly when we've experienced some kind of set-back, like a separation or divorce. Dr. Pulos asserts people put themselves in a "waking hypnosis" with this incessant stream of negative self-talk. We're literally laying down programming in our consciousness that beats us up and sets us up for failure and dissatisfaction.
How do you break-out of the negative self-hypnosis cycle? Here are some easy strategies to get you started:
1. You Don't Have to Know
Your mind can only know what it has already known or experienced. Life offers us possibilities much broader than we can possibly "know," if we're open to seeing them. You don't know what you don't know. And that is good news! All you need is a willingness to stay open and learn from your mis-steps and you'll be amazed at your sense of relief when you don't have to "know" every single thing. Get curious and ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?"
2. Tune into Your Inner Dialogue
Awareness is the critical ingredient to building a more empowering mindset. Break the state of "waking hypnosis" and choose new thoughts that support you. It might require some practice, but it is a conscious choice you can make. If you hear your inner critic getting nasty with you, simply say "Thank you for sharing!" or "Sure, but I deserve to have a great life anyway!" Try walking around with a notebook and jot down some of the dialogue you hear in your head. You may be shocked at the results!
3. Take A Baby Step
So you've broken a promise to yourself or fallen back into some old habits you don't like? First, be willing to forgive yourself. What is one concrete step you could take right now to take you in the direction you want to go? Find something specific and measurable you could act upon right now. Maybe you need to cut yourself some slack, or find an accountability partner to keep you on the straight and narrow. The energy and confidence you'll feel from accomplishing that one step, no matter how big or small, will be great fuel to get you started.
Related Tags: fear, thinking, relationship, divorce, survive, thrive, anger, breakdown, separate, self-critical
Carolyn B. Ellis, author, spiritual divorce coach and founder of Thrive After Divorce Inc. If you want simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit Thrive After Divorce now to receive a FREE report.
Your Article Search Directory : Find in ArticlesRecent articles in this category:
- Using The Law Of Attraction And It's Benefits
Making the Law of Attraction Stronger with Positive ThinkingHaving a a great attitude plays a big pa - Life Transitions And Someday Dreams, If Not Now When?
Recently we've been talking about changes and transformation for the second or third part of our liv - Self Improvement Articles - Self Improvement Tips - Great Self Improvement Tips That Will Help You Achieve Your Dreams
Self improvement tips are a great way to lay the foundation for your personal growth and to push you - The Internet Is The Perfect Place For Those Over 60 To Freely Discuss Sex
The generation gap is alive and well when it comes to many issues in our society. Sex is one of them - Advice Articles - Do your own thinking, Don't let others do it for you
Have you come across a situation where in you wanted to do one thing, but you ended up doing just th - Advice Articles - 3 Simple Steps To Attracting Money For Life-Long Prosperity
Attracting money is to draw in wealth and wealth in your life. To draw in cash, you also need to un - Business Articles - Show Me the Return on Investment
Well designed incentive programs have been proven to increase performance. A study conducted by the - Motivate Yourself Effectively
Being motivated is really important in achieving our goals and without motivation we will have a har - How To Identify Your Personality, Strengths & Weaknesses In 15 Seconds And Make It Work For You
I bet you that in 15 seconds, I can read your personality and tell you what your skills, strengths a - Crush It! How To Make A Living Doing What You Love
Sometimes when I ask my clients "If money weren't an issue, what would you do with your time?" they
Most viewed articles in this category:
- Red Hot
But, do you know that many business owners employ people with similar ideas, values and beli - Doing What You Think You Cannot Do
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you - Does Your Self Help Need A Nudge In The Right Direction?
Are you in need of self help? Do you doubt your capability? If you do, you are not alone! It is no s - Negotiating Life's Detours: Follow Your Energy
Someone asked me recently if I had a guiding principle that helped me decide what new work to take o - Personal Values and Their Importance
Two Interesting Conundrums for You Read both questions first before seeing the answers which are at - Just Do It NOW!
Just do it. Put on your Nike shoes and run with it. Yeah! Jump on it. Go for it. Right now is the mo - A Successful Failure
*Before we get started..... I was hesitant to write this article the way I have because I know that - The One Thing I Know
I know one thing.I know this thing with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my bei - Chinese New Year! 10 Very Simple things to do to Create Your Best Year Ever
On February 28th we will be ringing in another New Year. Wait a minute, didn't we ju - Is Finishing your Book Your New Year's Resolution?
For some of you the reality is you won't finish. And the longer you "work" on your book, the