Everything was just fine, and then, like lightning from a clear sky, your partner jumps out of the "closet" and tells you about a life long fetish and wants you to take part in it. The world turns upside down, and all your partner can talk about is this "weird" thing. You might feel sad, surprised, shocked or misled. Maybe you don't know how to go about it, or maybe you even feel disgusted by the thought. But fear not! If you keep an open mind and try playing along, you will most likely end up with a very powerful tool that can send your partner (and yourself!) straight to heaven.

Understanding fetishism

The word Fetish comes from past Shamanistic creeds, where the Shaman believed some objects, such as rods, rocks, totems or amulets, could wield spiritual and/or magical powers, those objects being called fetishes. Nowadays, the term is used as a reference to the sexual power the fetish wields on the fetishist.

Fetishes come in many flavors and sizes. They all share the same mechanism, the connection between the fetish object/material and pleasure. Such objects could be long stockings, high heeled shoes, boots, rain wear, balloons or even diapers. Materials could be silk, demi, leather, velvet or latex. Absolutely anything can become a fetish.

There is nothing wrong with having a fetish or not. Fetishes are just part of the person you love, just as loving you is. That's part of what makes him/her the person you love, and trying to remove or suppress that is suppressing a part of his/her sexual nature, something that could be better used to your and your partner's pleasure.

Remember that coming out with a fetish is never easy for your partner. It is usually something he/she could be very ashamed of, and due to religion or morals, even consider something sinfull, when it's just part of his/her sexual nature and desires. The longer the relationship, the longer the time needed to talk about it or accept it.

Communication leads to understanding

Understanding your partner's fetish preferences is important, so be sure to stabilish a sincere and honest communication. Each should take their times to absorb, because both of you, as well as your relationship, will be at a very fragile moment, after exposing such deep and important facts. Be honest, be brave, be understanding above all. Give yourself the time.

Pick a good place and time for a conversation, where you are sure that neither of you will be distributed. Make sure that you have plenty of time and that both of you are feeling relaxed and not stressed or tired. Ask for details about objects/materials of desire, and what role you are expected to take in the act. Maybe suggesting to take a weekend off and traveling if possible. Going to a resort, a place you won't be bothered and will have time to absorb and explore the news.

The decision...

When you fully understand your partner's fetish preferences, you will find it much easier and natural to make a clear fair decision, either if it's something you want to be a part of, or not.

Remember we "all" change "a lot" throughout our lives. Believe it or not, in a year or two from now, your own sexual likings may have changed drastically. Things you would not dare to do now may become a pretty ordinary part of your sexual life and your can get a great deal of pleasure from your partner's fetish.

If you decided not to take a part in your partner's fetish, be sure to let him/her know (be honest). Have a discussion about how he/she can live out their fetish without you getting involved. It's crucial to your relationship that you respect your partner's fetish, even if you have decided not to take part of it. If you disapprove the fetish, you disapprove your partner. It is a very important part of who they are.

To know your partner's fetish is a very special gift! It's like having a magic wand. The wand will do nothing, if you just hide it away in your drawers. But if you wave the wand, magic happens. If you practice a lot, miracles can happen! It's up to you!

Imagine how many people there would sell their soul to have a "magic wand" to their partner's pleasure! You already have yours, but the question isŠ do you dare to use it or not?

Three guidelines for a good conversation:

1. Don't take this personally!

Your partner likes his/hers fetish, but he/she loves you. That's why your partner brought the subject up in the first place. If there were no love in your relationship, he/she would just have left you without telling you about it.

2. Don't jump to conclusions!

Clear your mind of any prejudice that you might have. Your partner needs understanding, not judgment. Listen with your love and your heart, not your mind or your fears. Just because your partner has a fetish for latex, it does not automatically mean that the two of you will have to engage in hardcore BDSM play! And even if your partner does, he/she is not playing alone, and it's always open for negotiation. If your relationship is worthy going on with, your partner and his/her fantasies will be part of it. But it also doesn't mean you have to do all concessions.

3. Always be open, positive, solution minded!

Remember that your partner may find it difficult and awkward to be talking about the subject. A good laugh can ease up a too serious conversation.

4: Be adventurous! Be Brave! This just might be the best thing there ever happened to you. You may never know what fun you are missing.