Fantasies and lies may be the touchiest spot on the human map. We all tend to make things up to be the way we want them to be. The problems arise when that self deception is harmful to us and even to those around us.

When it comes to dating, there is not one among us who hasn't met someone, swooned over him or her, and started fantasizing and making things up. You may be aware that you were a victim of self deception in the past. You may have started to project onto your newfound love all the qualities you wanted to be there. In the end, you were telling yourself lies.

Often, when others can see that you are making things up, but you can't, you are either living on the fumes of chemistry, in a state of denial, or both. Fear of being alone can also skew your thinking patterns. It's important to know that you can find the help you need to discover the reality, sort out the illusions, and not waste time with someone you are not meant to be with.

To find your love, you need to know what is fantasy and what is real. You need the skills and wisdom to sort out what is the truth and what is a lie when you meet someone new. The following questions may help you do that:

1.Is this person my first choice?

Do not lie to yourself when you ask yourself this question: if I could have anyone in the world, and I had a wide range of fabulous choices for a mate, would I still choose this person?

2.Does this person want what I want?

This is not the place where you want to make things up. Example: Do you want to have children but your partner says he already has enough children and he doesn't want anymore? That reality might be all you need to stop your fantasy.

3.Does your partner make you the number one priority?

Do you have the fantasy that you are going to someday be his first choice? Or does he put his Ex, mother, and children first, and your needs last?

4.Are we able to hear each other?

Or does he or she often complain that you don't listen and this issue causes stress? Do you often think that the relationship is going along just fine when suddenly your partner bursts out with how miserable life is between you?

5.Do we have the same vision?

Your vision for your life is not a fantasy. You can make it real. If your deepest value is honoring and living in the middle of nature, communing with the trees and mountain vistas at sunrise and sunset, and you meet someone who loves living in a tiny apartment in a large bustling city and can't stand to take a walk in the park for fear of beetles and flies, say hello and goodbye in the same breath. You will make each other miserable.

6.Are you living out your purpose?

When you stop your self deception, you realize that you came here with a specific purpose to fulfill. If your children are grown or you are ready to retire, you may be confused about what you should be doing with your life. Or, if you are trained for your current job, but it stinks, you may feel despair about your future. The key is to know that no one else can give you a purpose. That is for each of us to discover and rediscover for ourselves as we move through life.

Sometimes, it can take very little to throw us into an unbalanced state. The next time you think the sky has fallen on your head, be brave, be quiet, and have a professional help you sort it out. The above are your reminders that when you meet someone and start to fantasize, lie to yourself, and make things up, you want to get a grip on your truth. You deserve a real relationship.