Six Digit Man Leads the Way to the Future

by Eyal Wirsansky - Date: 2006-12-12 - Word Count: 291 Share This!

Researchers at the Bill Gates Medical Center in Seattle were astonished to discover that a patient, who was recently admitted with severe wrist pains, had six functional fingers in his left hand. The researchers quickly observed that the location and shape of the added digit enable the subject to single-handedly press the key combination Ctrl-Alt-Delete, which is considered the most common action when using the Microsoft Windows operating system.

The patient, now dubbed "Homo Digitus", is believed to form the next step in human evolution. "For the last two decades we have been waiting to see how the human race would adapt to working with computers, and finally we were handed the answer" says Genetics Expert, Dr. Harry Ditty.

According to Ditty Harry, Hox genes controlling the development of body parts have so far prevented the formation a sixth independent digit. However, it seems that the frequent need to use the key combination Ctrl-Alt-Delete has finally triggered the previously unknown "Keystrokes genes" to prevail and enable this previously impossible one-handed reset action.

Other experts noted that the new finger configuration significantly enhances the versatility of the human hand. "In addition to the existing 'precision grip', used when holding a pencil, and 'power grip', used when holding a hammer, subjects of the mutation will be able to apply the new Ctrl-Alt-Delete 'anguish grip' when using their computer" says Han D. Man, chief handyman at the Hand Institute of Handuras, while carefully analyzing the hand's X-Ray image.

While Microsoft considers to implant each of its employees with a similar sixth digit, the patient himself, whose name remains undisclosed, was quoted as saying: "I never imagined the incredible impact I was going to have on civilization. All I wanted to do was to give my computer the finger".

Related Tags: computer, microsoft, windows, bill, evolution, hand, six, digits, fingers, gates, reset, genes, genetics

Eyal Wirsansky is the creator of the Illustrated Satire News site, where humor, satire and photoshopping fuse into hilarious fake news. The fully illustrated 'Google Cows' story can be found in the following link.

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