If you, like many people, have an underlying sense of dissatisfaction with your life, have unsatisfying relationships, have bouts of "the blues" or just feel trapped in your life, then you may want to find a therapist. A good therapist can help. If you are suicidal, have any kind of addiction process going, have panic or anxiety attacks, are harming yourself or others (or just thinking about it), are seriously depressed, have wide mood swings, or hear voices inside or outside of your head then you must find a therapist.

Locating a therapist that is a good fit for you can be a challenge. Therapists come in all shapes, personalities, ages and colors and have widely varying levels of skill and methodology. There are whole books on finding a therapist. But the simplest method is finding the names of four or five therapists and start interviewing them. You can find the names by asking people you know who are in therapy (preferably ones in whom you have observed positive changes), looking in the phone book, asking your insurance company, or on the Internet. Many therapists do not charge for the initial meeting, but you need to clarify that with them up front. If they do not, it doesn't mean they are not someone you would want to see, it may mean that they are heavily booked and can't afford to book an unpaid session.

If you are familiar with the different types of therapy you may want to find out what modes of therapy they use. Here is a brief synopsis of the different therapy methods:
Brief Therapy: These therapists will want to have you out of therapy in a short amount of time. They may have a standard length of treatment that they adhere to or expect as usual. Generally, this is from 8 to 12 sessions. The work is geared toward reframing how you see your problems. It can be quite effective, but for people with deeper issues, it may not be the best choice.

Cognitive Therapy: "Cognitive" means "thinking". These therapists focus on changing how you think. For them it's not WHAT happened to you, but HOW you think about it that matters. There are feelings that arise from pure cognitive work, but it is not the focus of the work. Cognitive therapy has long been recognized as effective and a powerful tool for change. Cognitive therapists nay not opt to address deeper or older grief, because they tend to address only how you think about things in the present.

Psychoanalysis: This is Freud's' method of therapy. Purely psychoanalytic therapists sit at the end of a couch and ask the client to lie down in a position where they cannot see the therapist. The therapist says little more than; "Is that so?" or "What else". Many therapists use the theories of psychoanalysis without doing pure psychoanalysis. A strongly psychoanalytic therapist will say very little in session. Psychoanalysis generally takes years to complete and can be powerfully effective. Some people are uncomfortable with a therapist that interacts so little with them.

Person-Oriented Psychotherapy: This is Carl Rogers' method. Carl Rogers himself was a gentle, kind man who listened very intently. He developed the skill of "Mirroring", and defined "Empathetic Listening". Person-Oriented therapists are very gentle, kind and empathetic listeners. People often find themselves quite comfortable with this type of therapist. But again, therapy can take a very long time.

Body-Centered Psychotherapy: Bodywork is a method of psychotherapy that focus's on the body. By focusing on your body, bodywork therapists assist in opening the flow of emotions. Depending on your needs and capabilities, the work can move into simple physical exercises designed to connect you more deeply with yourself. Some minor touch may be used. You will need to discuss your comfort level and boundaries with the therapist. This can be a powerful method of opening up to feelings, but it is not for everyone as it can be quite intense.

Hypnosis: Hypnotists avoid work with feelings or cognition. Their goal is to take away the symptom with simple hypnotic suggestions. Some people are more suggestive than others, and the method is more effective for some people than others. There are a variety of hypnotic methods, but they all work with the idea that our mind is capable of unconsciously changing anything that we experience. It can be used with addictions, pain, or any troubling condition. Generally speaking, it deals with the symptom and does not address the underlying causes. It can be an amazing and surprisingly powerful way to reduce or eliminate symptoms. Hypnotism can be used to help uncover repressed traumatic memories. Sometimes this can be re-traumatising, so if you choose to do this be aware that you could be causing more harm.

Inner Child/Family: This approach is where a therapist recognizes that inside each of us is an internal representation of ourselves as a child, and perhaps, each of our family members. In working with the internal family or child the therapist can readily unravel the events and cognitions that created the problems the person is having today. Therapists who work with this approach are generally open to processing of feelings and working to change cognitions that are problematic.

Family Systems: Systems therapists approach individual problems as an issue of family dynamics. Often they will work with as many family members as they can enlist in therapy. It can impact your life in many dimensions at once. The only problem is that not all families willingly participate. The systems theoretical base is similar to the Inner Family approach in that they will recognize how the family has impacted how you have developed as a person.

Eclectic: To be eclectic means to draw on a number of resources. Eclectic therapists use skills from any number of methods in which they may have had some training. They will use what seems to be needed at the moment and not rely completely on form of therapy. The majority of therapists in private practice use multiple methods in working with clients. This approach is not only common; it is what most people find comfortable.

Once you have booked the interview, write down a list of questions of things that are important to you. Some suggested questions could be (depending on what your priorities are):

How frequently should we book sessions?
Are you available for emergency sessions if I am in a bad place?
How do you handle between session phone calls?
How long have you been practicing?
How comfortable are you with expressions of intense emotion? (This one is hard because you will only really know the answer once you have let yourself have some feelings with this person.)
If I were to tell you that I was suicidal (clarify for them if this is true or not), what would you say to me?
Are you religious? (You may want to have them clarify how that will impact therapy, if at all.)


The answers to these questions, along with any others that you come up with on your own, will impact each of us differently. Some of these may not matter to you; just ask the ones that do. But the most important thing to determine in the session is: Do you feel comfortable disclosing information about your most personal issues with this person? Does this person feel safe? If you feel uneasy with this person you may need to keep looking.

While the task of finding a therapist may feel overwhelming, it's well worth the effort. Recent studies suggest that psychotherapy is more effective than medication alone for depression and even anxiety.

Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT is an author, speaker, workshop presenter and counselor. Melody holds an MA in Counseling and Guidance from Texas Woman's University. She is also a Certified Radix Practitioner, Right Use of Power Teacher and InterPlay Teacher. Melody's 19 years work with individuals, couples and families provides her with a unique approach to solving clients' problems. Her life-altering book, "Cycles of the Heart: A way out of the egocentrism of everyday life", is based on her experience helping people resolve their relationship difficulties with themselves and others. To find out more go to Melody's Homepage